| Disney Channel's Most Watched Episode of "Sweet Life of Zack and Cody" Script:
The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
Episode 101 ¨C Hotel Hangout
Zack: Mom, why can't you drive us to the playground?
Carey: Because I have to rehearse new choreography for my next show. Mr Moseby thinks I need some younger moves!
[Carey does her dance while the twins stare on]
Carey: What do you think?
Zack: I think you should never do that in public.
Cody: Or in private.
Carey: Why don't you guys invite over some friends from school?
Cody: That's a great idea.
Zack: To bad we don't have any! Nobody ever likes new kids.
Carey: Come here. You'll make friends soon. We're here to stay now.
Cody: Not if you use those moves.
[while Cody is imitating Carey's dance moves he backs into a table knocking a vase off but Esteban dives and catches it]
Mr. Moseby: Impressive catch Esteban.
Esteban: If you thought that was impressive Mr. Moseby, watch this.
[Esteban throws the vase in the air while everyone screams with panic just before he catches it]
Esteban: [holding vase up to ear] Eww I can hear the ocean!
Zack & Cody: Let me hear, let me hear!
Mr. Moseby: London I need to speak with you.
London: Not now Moseby, I'm off to a galore premiere.
Mr. Moseby: Oh no your not! I just received a fax from your father. You are to cease all social activities until your grades improve.
London: That is so unfair! I have to keep my grades up but his new wife is aloud to drop out of college.
Mr. Moseby: He also insisted I hire you a tutor.
London: When is he going to realize that education and me just don't mix!
Maddie: Education and I.
London: Hello, this isn't about you!
[Maddie starts to check someone through at the candy counter]
Maddie: Okay that's $9.12, minus you 8% senior discount is $8.38, out of ten, $1.62 is your change.
[cash register beeps displaying 1.62 after Maddie says it]
Mr. Moseby: You beat the cash register! And you read! Maddie can be your new tutor!
Maddie & London: WHAT!
Maddie: There isn't enough money in the world!
Mr. Moseby: I'll pay you triple your salary.
Maddie: Apparently there is enough!
[scene switches to Zack & Cody's new school]
Zack: Cody, check it out! It's the ¡®Drew Crew'! Yo Drew. What up dog?
Drew: Hey look it's the clones!
Cody: Did you hear that, the ¡®Drew Crew¡¯ just mocked us!
Zack: Woohoo, where in.
Max: The ¡®Drew Crew¡¯ will never accept you. Don't beat your head against a wall.
Tapeworm: Even though it feels good sometimes.
Max: I'm Max by the way, and this is Tapeworm.
Zack: What kind of name is that?
Max: The kind you get when you eat 20 hotdogs in less than 2 minutes.
Cody: Cool, beats my record!
Zack: By 18! Hey you guys want to come over to our house?
Tapeworm: Did you hear that, someone wants us to come over to our house!
[scene switches back to hotel in Zack & Cody's suite where Carey is dancing]
Carey: [dancing in front of mirror] Riff and a uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh. Uh uh and a no no no no no no no.
Zack: What are you doing?!
Carey: Apparently I'm embarrassing myself in front of your new friend...you made friends!
Max: Maybe! [runs over to stereo] Wow this is so tight!
Carey: I was just rehearsing...
[Max turns music on and starts to break dance]
Carey: Man, look at you go!
[Max's hat falls off to reveal that Max is a girl]
Carey: Wow! Can you show me how you do that!
[Max does some more moves eventually ending up on her head]
Carey: Okay no. The part a mom can actually do!
[scene switches to Londons hotel suite]
Maddie: So how's you research on Italy coming?
London: Uh fantastic! I had no idea Fabretzial sold dresses over the internet! I'll order you on. What are you, a 14?
Maddie: Yes, the same as your I.Q. Oh I have to get downstairs. He's probably there already!
London: Who's there?
Maddie: No one.
London: No one who? Is he cute?
Maddie: Uh it's nothing. Just the new lifeguard. He always buys gum before his shift. Spearmint!
London: Has he asked you out yet?
Maddie: Well not in so many words, or in any words really. I mean, you know how it is when you really like a guy and he has no idea that you exist
Maddie: I should go. I'm late!
London: You know, if you want him to notice you, don't be there. While he's chewing gum he'll be consumed with thoughts of you. Where is she? Why isn't she here? Is she on a hot date?
Maddie: Oh, I never thought of that.
London: You may be book smart, but trust me on this, when it comes to things that truly matter like dating, it's time for the pupil to become the pupae.
[scene switches back to Zack & Cody's new school]
Drew: Hey clones, is it true that you really live in the Tipton Hotel?
Cody: Yah, our mom sings there.
Max: And it makes your place look like a dump!
Drew: And are there really hot babes serving ice cream by the pool?
Cody: Three flavors.
Zack: And where talking about the girls!
Drew: Maybe we'll come over and hang out.
Cody: You wanna hang out with us?
Zack: Of course he does!
Drew: You know, I've always liked you two.
Cody: No you didn't!
[Zack hits Cody]
Cody: Quit it!
[scene switches back to the hotels candy counter]
Lance: What's up? So um where were you yesterday? Cuz like I was here, and you weren't.
Maddie: Oh I was with...
London: [in bubble] Be mysterious. Elude. Torture him!
Maddie: ...someone, someone, else.
Lance: Really. Oh so I guess that means that you wouldn't want to go out sometime?
Maddie: How about tonight?!
London: [in bubble] What ever you do, don¡¯t look eager!
Maddie: Not that I'm, eager! I'll check my calendar. I'm free!
Lance: Excellent! We'll have dinner at the seaport.
Maddie: Oh, hey London, your advice actually worked!
London: Duh! What advice?
Maddie: I got a date with Lance the lifeguard!
London: Oh so what are you going to wear?
Maddie: Um I don't know, jeans?
London: Why don't you where a sack over your head that says loser! Come on let's go to the boutique.
[Zack & Cody and all their new friends run through the hotels spinning door into the main lobby making lots of noise. Tapeworm gets stuck between the spinning door and the wall]
Drew: Check it out crew, all this stuff is free!
Mr. Moseby: Free for out guests who spend two thousand dollars a day.
Kid 1: Do you have any humus?
Tapeworm: Aww, who ate all the finger sandwiches?
Drew: Who invited Brainworm?
Tapeworm: It's Tapeworm!
Mr. Moseby: What ever type of worm he is, please take him and the rest of you mongrel horde upstairs and out of sight!
Cody: Come on guys let's hit the pool!
Mr. Moseby: Please don't run. [gets knocked into Carey's arms] Just the person I wanted to talk to!
[scene switches to the rooftop pool where everyone is relaxing and Drew is getting a massage]
Drew: Oh ya, that's it, that's the spot! Thanks honey, you where right, I was tense.
Zack: Four o'clock ice cream.
Cody: Like clock work!
Drew: Maybe you guys aren't so lame after all.
Zack: Did you hear that! We're in! We're not so lame!
Cody: We've never been so popular.
[Max & Tapeworm coming running out]
Max: Coming through!
Tapeworm: Aww, who ate all the ice cream?
Drew: Too late Earthworm!
Max: Hey let's all go in the Jacuzzi.
[as they all jump in two other hotel guests get out very quickly]
Max: Guys move over, make some room.
Drew: Sorry but the kiddy pool is over there!
Tapeworm: Great, first no finger sandwiches and than no ice cream and now this!
Cody: They always have extra in the cabana.
Tapeworm: All right!
Max: Better not be melted!
Drew: Hey ya'll, let's ditch the dweebs!
Cody: You guys go ahead, I'll wait and tell them where we're going.
Zack: Umm, he's not clear on the whole ditch concept.
Zack: Look we just got past lame, don't screw things up!
Cody: But mom said we're not supposed to get into peer pressure.
Zack: We're not, we are just doing what everybody else is does. Come on.
Cody: But it will hurt their feelings!
Zack: No it won't. There going to laugh, eventually.
[scene switches to hotel lobby full of Drew's friends]
Carey: Hey guys.
Carey: Where are Max and Tapeworm?
Cody: Uh they might not be here today.
Drew: Yo Zack, we're out of finger sandwiches.
Carey: Wow Zack, are all these kids with you?
Zack: Yah, where part of their possy.
Carey: Guys, I told you to bring home a couple of friends not the entire school! Moseby is going to blow his top, fix it!
Zack: Okay mom, we'll take care of it.
Zack: Do you want to tell Drew not to invite any of his friends over?
Cody: No it's okay, you can do it!
Zack: We probably don't have to say anything, how many more friends could he have?
Drew: Yo yo guys, over here!
[the rest of Drew's friends come running through the door]
Zack: Alright first one to the games room gets free foosball all afternoon!
[Mr Moseby gets knocked into a ladder where Esteban is fixing a chandelier. He falls off the ladder and starts to swing on the chandelier.]
Mr. Moseby: [screaming random sayings]
[Esteban falls off of the chandelier and gets up]
Esteban: I am okay! I'm fine! Nothing happened to me! I am okay! You, you saved my life! Oh Mr. Moseby! Thank you for saving my life Mr. Moseby.In my country, my life now belongs to you.
Mr. Moseby: I want those kids out of here! Anyone without a room key is on the street!
Esteban: Well, since my life now belongs to you, I must obey this harsh command!
[scene changes to London's suite where the doorbell rings. London answers the door and it's Maddie]
London: So how did it go with the lifeguard?
London: What's the matter? Didn't he love your outfit?
Maddie: Yah but, I don't think it's going to work.
London: Why not? He loved your outfit!
Maddie: But I didn't like him.
London: Didn't you like his outfit?
Maddie: London, it's not all about outfits! It's about the people inside them.
Maddie: He's really nice but, all he can talk about is water! Okay, swimming in water, diving in water, splashing water, saltwater versus fresh water, after talking to him for an hour, I had to go so bad!
[Maddie's cell phone rings]
Maddie: Oh know it's him!
London: Dump him. Dump him like last months shoes!
Maddie: But I don't want to hurt him.
London: Oh so your just going to marry him and live pool side with a bunck of boring lifeguard babies?
Maddie: Your right I've got to end it!
[Maddie answers phone]
Maddie: [to Lance] Hi Lance...oh, I miss you to...oh really...[to London] apparently the PH balance in the pool is perfect.
[doorbell rings again but this time its Mr. Moseby]
Mr. Moseby: London how's the studying going?
London: Fabulous! Thanks for checking in.
Maddie: [on phone] Yes I think chlorine is a beautiful name for a girl.
Mr. Moseby: Is there any teaching going on here at all?
London: Oh of course! I'm teaching Maddie valuable life skills.
Mr. Moseby: But she is supposed to be tutoring you. Your father said that if you flunk out again he's sending you to perokiel school.
London: You mean like where Maddie goes? And I'd have to wear a uniform?
Mr. Moseby: Uh hu.
[Mr. Moseby leaves and Maddie ends her phone converction]
Maddie: I can't believe I made another date with him!
London: I can't believe I might have to wear plaid!
Maddie: Teach me to be mean!
London: Teach me to be smart!
Maddie & London: [hugging each other] Help me!
[scene switches to games room where Zack, Cody & the Drew Crew are hanging out]
Zack: Good turn out! All the A-List kids are here!
Cody: Yah but do any of them even know your name?
Kid 1: Hey Jack give me a quarter!
Zack: See off by one letter!
[Esteban peeks through door]
Esteban: Pssst! Zack, Cody, I need to speak with you!
Cody: What's up Esteban?
Esteban: I have been given a terrible task. I have been ordered to rade the premises of children by Mr. Moseby. Now I could disobey him, but Mr. Moseby reminds me of my father who is also strict demanding ruthless of me. Oh I miss my poppa so much!
Cody: It's okay.
Esteban: I need a moment!
Zack: You can't ask them to leave, they're our friends!
Kid 1: [hitting game machine] Hey, Zeek, this stupid machine keeps eating all my quarters!
Cody: I think your friend is talking to you Zeek!
Zack: You're right we've got to get rid of them. But how?
Cody: I know! Hey free foot long grinder at the St. Mark Hotel across the street!
[the kids run out of the arcade]
Zack: Excellent! I'll clean out the lobby and you get the rooftop.
Zack & Cody: Break!
[scene changes to the hotel lobby and the candy counter where Maddie hides behind the counter]
Lance: [leaning over desk] Hey! [Maddie comes up] So for our date I was thinking we'd take a quick swim, hit the Jacuzzi, than watch Seabiscuit!
Maddie: You do know it's about a horse!
Lance: A seahorse?
Maddie: Lance we need to talk! See I think you're a really great guy and...
London: [in bubble] Don't beat around the bush!
Maddie: The point is...life is like an ocean. It ebbs and flows and..
London: [in bubble] Dump him now! Don't make me come put of this bubble!
Maddie: [to London in bubble] Would you be quiet!
Lance: Who are you talking to?
Maddie: No one. Look Lance, life is like a river.
Lance: No actually I prefer pools!
Maddie: Okay that's it! This isn't working! I can't go out with someone who only talks about water!
Lance: You're the one whose talking about water. Sheeesh!
[Lance leaves and London comes running in]
London: Good news!
Maddie: Me too!
London: Me first! I got a D+ in math!
Maddie: That's good news?
London: Yah! Thanks to you I passed! My daddy got me a plasma TV!
Maddie: Wow! When I get an A+ all I get is an extra slice of pie.
London: Is that you good news?
Maddie: No no, I took your advice and broke up with Lance! I was blunt, I was direct, and if I say so myself I was pretty darn mean!
London: So I learned something from you and you learned something from me!
Maddie: Yah! And now you have a plasma TV and, I don't have a boyfriend.
London: So everybody's happy!
[London runs off and Zack comes out of the elevator with some kids]
Zack: [directing the kids out] Go, go, go, go!
[scene switches to the rooftop pool]
Cody: Okay guys, you need to leave!
[kids ignore him so he throws a brown object into the pool]
Cody: Eww, gross!
[kids get out and run screaming. Zack enters and looks at the object in the pool]
Cody: Don't ask! How are we doing?
Zack: I got rid of everybody downstairs except for one kid who was crying and begging to stay! Turns out his parents are actually guests here!
[the Drew Crew comes running in playing basketball]
Cody: Drew, listen Drew! Drew we need to talk to you!
Cody: Take, take it away Zack!
Zack: See the thing is that we kind of need you to leave.
Drew: We are kind of in the middle of a game.
Cody: No, that doesn't work for us! You need to leave!
[Drew approaches Cody]
Cody: Te-tell him why Zack!
Drew: Man you guys need to chill because if we leave, where not coming back! Then you'll have to hang out with those dweebs, Max and Soupworm!
Zack: His name is Tapeworm and he's our friend! And so is the other dweeb!
Cody: Yah and they liked us before they knew we had this cool place and dainty finger sandwiches!
Zack: That's right, and then you made us ditch them, but you know what now we're ditching you! Give me back the ball!
Drew: Fine here.
[Drew throws the ball over his head and it knocks the satellite dish off of the roof]
[scene switches back downstairs to the lobby]
Mr. Moseby: Ms. Martin I want you to know, I have used hotel staff to round up the rabble your children unleashed on this hotel!
Carey: Mr. Moseby little problem with you is like the sky is falling, the sky is falling!
[the satellite dish swings past the spinning door]
Mr. Moseby: Sometimes, Chicken Little knows that he's talking about!
[scene switched back to the roof where Zack & Cody are trying to pull the satellite dish back up]
Zack: I can't believe we broke the hotel!
[Max & Tapeworm walk in]
Max: Looks like you guys could use some help!
Zack: What are you guys doing here?
Tapeworm: Well we came here to tell you off.
Max: But lucky for you we overheard you guys defending us dweebs.
Zack: Sorry we ditched ya!
Cody: Do, where friends again?
Max: We'll have to think about it.
Zack & Cody: [get pulled back against the wall] Wow!
Zack: Well could you think fast because I think I just caught a bus!
[Max & Tapeworm grab the rope as Carey walks in]
Carey: What have you done!
Zack & Cody: [letting go of the rope] Mom!
[Max & Tapeworm get pulled against the wall]
Carey: I am surprised at you two, and you two too!
Zack: They didn't do it!
Cody: They where the only two that stayed to help!
Tapeworm: Come on!
[Zack, Cody & Carey grab the rope and start to pull]
Zack: It wasn't us! It was that kid Drew! I told you he was no good!
Cody: You, said, nothing!
Carey: I don't care who did it, pull! It's still you responsibility! Pull! When I told you this hotel was your home I meant you should treat it with respect! Pull!
Zack: Sorry, I guess I messed up!
Cody: That's right, he messed up!
[Zack looks at Cody with a angry look]
[the ice cream lady walks by]
Tapeworm: Oh four o'clock ice cream!
[Zack, Cody, Max & Tapeworm let go of the rope to get ice cream sending Carey up against the wall]
Carey: Guys, guys? Oh come on, help! Oh man I picked the wrong day to ware heals!
[scene stays at pool]
Max: You know what Moseby, you run a nice place round here!
Mr. Moseby: Thanks son.
Max: I'm a girl!
Mr. Moseby: Uh huh!
[Zack & Cody are in the pool]
Cody: This is the worst punishment we ever got!
Zack: I think we scrubbed every tile!
Cody: I can't uncurl my finger.
[Carey comes in with a stereo]
Carey: Hey Max, Max I finally learned that move.
[Carey starts to dance and Max joins her]
Cody: I don't know her!
Zack: Neither do I!
[Zack and Cody jump back in the pool splashing water all over Mr. Moseby. Mr Moseby than spits the water out his month]