My days off work expired, so I tried to get my employers to improve things for me. Instead they felt they should make it worse for me and they still owed me money. With me being unable to pay rent I had to leave wek. I thought that at least they wud pay me the money they owed, but … I got mo propaganda that Bulawayo was okay, I won have to worry like waterfalls. Now here I m in Bulawayo, and things hav been war here also. Especially since my ma’s ma , grand returned. She does nothing but complain, wen she arrived he said this place was made for only one person, and she keeps reinforcing that everytime and complains about a BP problem getting worse. Noticeable also is sisb ‘s ability to lie. Wen I was weking she used to ask me to send money to my ma saying she wud repay me, but never did, but it didn t matter I always sent ma money. In fact I was weking wen she was still at skul, and she was so ungrateful about education, wen told to study she wud just stare at the book with eyes motionless, her sism1 is more expressive now that I am broke she can just refuse and spends the whole day dancing to the local radio and talking to others on the fon(says she wants to be a musician), at 1st I tried to argue, but I realized I am quite powerless. She also told me she wud send me 2.4m$ every month, wen I was retiring to go to Bulawayo. Let me take a break I need to teach some1 corel draw, but I don’t have it so I am studying photoshop.05/02/06 the corel guy y never showed up again, the guy introduced to me by sism1. I gave sism1 money to buy a cellphone to replace my stolen 1 on Sunday, but hav not received it yet, I may be desperate for the cheap fon she says she can get, but I hav put too many looking for a job ads with my number, to wait too long for a possible another day without it. These days I sim to b getting along with sism1, since the grandma arrived from England she has bin breathing fire on every1. Despite grand being against sism1 using the fon all da time, I cannot support her on dat(her motive is dat da money 4 da fon shud hav bin money given 2 her, my story is dat ppl don’t feel sorry dat I hav 2 wok to twon and apply after all maybe if I had $ to apply maybe I wud hav gotten a job early and left and overcrowding here wud not b such a prolem, becoz of being broke and dat sism1 doesn’t care bout educaton). If I fail 2 get a cheap fon it means I will be almost penniless 4 a while, while I try to sell somth which took a month last time.Mayb many hav tried to contact me and failed. Of cos there was somth promising wen an xclassmate who is now in Botswana offered to assist me financially to set up net café.said he was coming last weekend, so I replied his email giving him the landline number.
I m let me save this wek on my memory stick, my room’s plug shows some circuit problems wen I connect the pc. I hav told all that I am 2 broke to b photocopying cvs and applying to ppl who don’t even reply. So wen a rare occasion as auntr1 phoning to tel me of a position in da paper, I just ignored it after all it was in Harare. To my surprise I found aunr1 and her husband auntr1h here over last wikend, with bout 4 envelopes , a few copies of my cv and ready to certify any copies I had. I noticed my cv needs amending. My grandma didn’t seem happy bout that, seems her children should support only her and our generation should support her children that’s how old fashioned she thinks, never mind the fact the country has bout 90% unemployment.wen broke no1 like u, all u can think bout is bugging ppl, like wen auntr said she free net access at wek I asked her to check some mails like my hotmail whihch is sos difficult these days and on some of my cvs, after a short time she ended up giving excuses “I forgot, the net was down”, while time wnet by, then sisb1 said she had free access 2 da net, she did not even check, gave excuses straight away. De is a purpose 4 me being broke I wud never hav known any of these things, now I want to make sure I will never b broke again even if I lose a job. I yearn 2 compete on da quiz show on tv, don’t want 2 b seen on tv tho, but I cant coz I hav a mad half bro brok1 who weks 4 the herald newspaper, so it wud b a waste of time. There is so much $ being won de. So I might just enquire. I m considering waiting 4 1 mo day 4 dat fon. Its now after 8 and she is still sleeping yu see how lightly ppl take my problems.05/03/06 yesterday ther was drama here. 1st of all I told sism1 to bring the $ if she is not coming with the fon, and she got angry, said she wud bring the $ even if the guy she was meeting in town brot the fon. Then sisb1 cold, and askd me quests I cant answer like r u alright, then I ended up teling her bout her sis. She seemd unusu ally supportive and understanding,but thenagain she is a person of many words and little action.told me she had fons ther and was going to send me one. I just pretend I accept what she says, she also said she was disappointed at sism1. wen sisb1 fond later and spoke to ma, sism1 put da radio volume loud, I came in to argue dat she was disturbuing the fon call, and we argued, she was saying that I am trying to listen to wat was being said.i know the 3 of them keep secrets from me, playing me for a foolits 4am and I can already hear arguments tween ma and daughter.. its like they had a secret plan for sism1 to ignore skool, and marry a rich guy just like sisb1.that’s the impressioni get. I don’t like the sound my harddrive makes.whe was I, right apparently, sism1 is refusing to right her O levels dis year, she wants 2 go to a beter skool do form 3 (sisb1 also used to cry for a beta skool change high skool twice+)again, that’s wat she didn’t want me to kno, mayb dey pland dis ol along, but dey wanted to persuade her to right dis year even if she fails. I was just acting like I was minding my business, I col her miss mind yo business dat sis. To be honest I thot da simil;arities ment da 2 siss understand each each. Last term wen ma went on holiday, with grandma and auntr to vic falls sism1 stopd goinjg to skool saying she wanted to take an ID, and dat ol knew bout it except me(playing me 4 a fool again), the hing is wen ppl fon dey don’t to to me so ma used to col.thyen sism1 askd me 4 my ID which she said she needed to apply.after 2 weeks of her not going to skool I demanded my decision her her has bin dat do nth, I hav my own problems 2 worry bout than 2 help[ s.o. who doesn’t want, who even wants to destroy me. Just recently I lost my ID guess who is top on my suspect list.
ok the refusal by da gov to let me teach isn’t sth new, at skool ther was no doubt I was the best at maths, but stil, most ppl went to ask the 2nd best for help, and he wud ask me if he had problems, other students were given I think dey ol think I m too good, and wud embaras the less intelligent. I think da unity created from a common situation (grandma) is disappearing.a mahathsula primary skool once put an ad saying they needed a cperson with computer sc degree, but wen I was giving my application they wer telling me dat it was a permanent position, and dey don’t think I would stay for long if given the job, bcoz I hav a nust degree, I stil heard nth from dem.imagine dey wer da ones who advertised dey wanted a degreed person. Not yet 5 but dey hav left, must b 4 da ID application. Do I understand human psychology, no dey ol act crazy, or has everyone gone crazy.05/04/06 I was intending to go to Swaziland but my penpal has now vanished. I was hoping to organize affordable accommodation in swazi than hotels I kno.its another Friday, an opportunity for me to find a church, hope my legs can let me wok to belv.y*day it did not take me long to get my fon, it functions like an 1100.it was also cheap. I m just hearing from voice of America that al qaeda uses da net. I hav always suspected they r going to use IT tools mayb dey don’t hav da capacity 2 create viruses. I just hed argument between ma and duaght seems 2 b bout elling grand that sism1 wont b gpoing to skool.. ma has always been supportive of sism1. now I think sism1 liked the situation of being treated like a queen so much, she wants to extend it without being tested by exams. Coz if she was serious this time she wud change , stop acting like a full time DJ, dancer, .even wen watching tv shud wud ask sth like is italy in asia. I used to think he secret was dat sism1 was going to marry a rich guy and that I should never bither her with toks of education, that’s why I m used to taking a back seat. Another strange thing was wen auntr1h had invited me to teach maths to his children saying dey were all struggling, auntr1 quickly looked 4 excuses saying I wud want to b paid, but I hed recently dat dey hired a private tutor. De was sth else behind dat. I kno she used to say dat I teach university staff to primary kids, dat was wen I was 1st discouraged from teaching any of her husbands kids. Even her made recently made dat comment. As for grand’s best grandchildren cozk1 and cozc1, I was told dey shud bother me with questions. But all dey did was bother me with asking 4 my dvds. De was chaos here as all the time I was out I noticed de was some1 who had tempered with my room. I of coz, told da kids I wanted to see skool wek progress b4 I give dvds. Ther was an immediate response to dat, but wen I markd da testdey stopd coming.
I hid my dvds. I was angry da other day I came here and found my room tempered with so much, my dvd(national treasure) was on da floor as tho it was a trap 4 me to step on it wen I went in, and my other tape was gone. I went and saw dat a dvd I had also hidden was being watchd by all, my grand saying she has seen it b4 and she knows wat was going to happen next.dat was wen I lokd up my staff in my bags.i don’t like the idea of contributing to destroying da kids lives. Damn dat foncol has gone for a long time now..i hav so much 2 say and such little time.Dis was obeyd 4 a short time. After a long while dey both came bek. I noticed da form 3 cozc1 confuses bbtween multiplication addition and powers.i xplaind the answers and wanted to c corrections coz she got 2 out of 20, but she never came she only askd for da movi. Let me giv dis pc a rest. I hed jokes bout half sisb1 laughing at how sisa1(half sis half cousin) once askd sisb1 for $ to buy a hse, & she pretended to agree, saying she wud buy a big hse. It made me wonder if that is wat I will be getting, they having a laugh at my problems wen I complain behind my back. I admit dat sisa always luke 4 influential and rich ppl. Makes me think. Any way I asked sisb to chec my emails, hotmail is da worst account I hav its on my cvs, and it deletes emails from ppl not in my address book after storing in junk mail for 5 days. Wow I hav reachd 5 pages, to think I used to struggle to write small compositions.i overhed her saying wat was da fon 4 if not 4 foning. Ther was mo drama here 2day, lots of arguments and crying, I hear sism1 wants to leav, but whe will she go, wat bout guy she fons all day. De was a birthday at da form 3 schhoolmate of hers next door, da gel came here 4 a hair makeover. Wen sheleft I hed sism complaing her fon airtime was reduced & dat only dat gel did dat, also she wanted ma to go and complain as tho she witnessd it.
That’s bout 100g$.i really cant stand another month idle, if it means going to Harare, I will. Its beta theer anyway, mo than 5 years in byo and I cant speak ndebele, a hindrance to progress. The thot of grand coming here, is scary, wen she left she said she had hed her daughter was hospitalized and wanted to find tou why since she had never been dat serious b4 I came, her concluson was dat I m da coz, & da place was overcrowded. She also doesn’t like the shortage of attention to da land of this residence; I spend too little time on it. Wat do u expect after I wok so long distances, my legs r painful wen I get bek, even for next day;;l
Brok1 is weking for a leading newspaper, the guy must be hiv positive, but I notice him luking around. He, like my late dad, has married and left many women, for him its less, only 2. U.S. ambassador Dell, is known by some1 brok1 knows and socializes with, I was surprised considering his job, that’s harder to imagine.
Some riddles. My cv I c a tv of my picture.. I am wondering wat to say bout wat to do if left with one week.. I was in swazi but de was no high wy king’s center, and no maria. Nas Edward. I always wonder wat hapend to xclassmates hlomani moyo, ian, steve and iirvin, also janell,, the Helens, I m no nice niki. Wat bout Julie mccomik, Marcella patel, , .;/don’t want to be shameful for a grown man like mudekwa, Tasiyana STAR, whose job is to talk bout network security of Trojans and cars in za. De is a saying in zim that a man who does not lie, does not marry, I tell u I find it hard to lye liar
05/05/06 just been reminiscing with ma bout how sisb and sisa1 wer spoild as kids, being dads favorite children. He used to bring dem sweets and chocolates every day, so I was saying that it explains sisb’s troublesome behaiour wen dad passd away, I thot she was still longing 4 dem chocolates, she even mentiond to me wen at skul dat most kids with parents in UK receive chocolates every day. Of coz I was a student in UK then. Like many other zimbos she thot it rains $ in UK, she even wante4d an expensive skuool. Now she is da 1 paying sism1 skuul fees, and she refuses 4 sism1 to repeat form 3 like she wants at another skul. At least no 1 can blame me, I took a bek seat like all wanted . I remember I spoke too much instead of complaining, I was just commenting, wen ma said she trusts sism1, everyth was ok b4 I came, I was adding to her bp. I ended up telling stories like ther are consequencies for everyth a person does like if I sit too long I end up with a painful bottom.. de was quite some irony with wen it came to attacks I was on all receiving ends, 1 for not disciplining sism1 from auntr and auntrh, and dey also accused me of making ma worse, so de was no satisfying any1.i think hypocrisy is a nature of 2 many ppl.
Ealy dis moning I hed ma speaking 4 a long time 2 sism1 and she was crying, it reminded me of wen sism1 was very young, wen I used 2 c her crying It affected me . now those tears of hers r 2 try and manipulate ppl.
Sisa1 had a brother, my cousin, who passd away, probably of aids, cozd. Wen he was young , he used 2 tel us stories, he was quite an exciting guy. Wen at secondary skul, he hung with the wrong crowds, and started drinking and smoking, got in trouble with aunts1 wanting to hit him once. He got traind, together with brok1, by dad to repair radios and televisions at dad’s repair shop. He left behind a daughter.
05/06/062day I am going to church, mayb I will just be the invible man like 98degrees.
05/13/06 first of all let me reveal events leading to ma spending valentine in hospital. As u kno I am reluctant to work the yard I spend a long time resting my legs after my walks. Wen I get home there is no food for me, ma will say I hav come late so I wont get lunch, seemd to enjoy me not having lunch. Despite my ever toking bout how tired I m, such words only fall on deaf ears. Just like in waterfalls. I am just treated like a weikng guy, in wfalls I was even payng rent to my relative(was told it was free, with free food and permanent so that I leave queensdale, and wen I wanted to go bek, sisb1 said granma was going to send relatives to chase ppl stasying ther she did not want any1 ther so that’s how I was trikd to leaving wek, now they leav me stranded like a conspiracy ). i sometimes wonder if I am on punishment for staying at the enemies’ (ma’s sisn). Ma complaind bout the grass in the yard but I said it wasn’t long enough, cant be uprooting it all the time it’s the rainy season it will grow back again I wanted to let at reach a certain level first. Ma at first wanted to hire some1, then went out ther in the yard with her poor ealth, started telling me, how all the ppl were saying how she is weking yet she has a son. Mayb that was her intentions. It did not take long b4 she got very ill. Even found it difficult to wok.
I know I have not been writing down for a long time now. A lot has gone on. Sism1 was refusing to talk to auntr1 on the fon. I am selling some staff at the auction center. They used to do well, almost everything I used to send there used to get sold,now I hav so many things I sent long back, and a working iron, films,not sold, yet wen I was there y*day they were not there at the auction floors, I could not find a thing, so I am considering witdrawing my staff especially the iron, considering prices wer getting worse, 240g for 3 video tapes then tax. I am left with few auction options.
On Monday I went for the internet, could not find ant diary blogging site. I will hav to create my own site.
I was saying how my cozd died then his wife, now his daughter cozdd is now at qdale, with her aunts and grandma, and uncle. I don’t like the way she stays ther to be honest , her youngest aunt , bma’s youngest child, coza2, treats her like a toy, or best friend playing all the time. At first her educaton was so poor, ppl ter did not seem to care. I examind her myself asking questions, she lookd like she was in another world trying to ignore me. Probably the grudge, she was told I was the enemy. I noticed she could not multiply or even add. I started to help her out. I even shouted at sisa1 for accepting such a situation. Her story is that with children, you just introduce them to god and sit back. I changd that so she now monitors her progress. I hav faild to encourage almost all the children I hav tried to influence to take up sports. From sisa1, sisb1, coz2. cozdd seems my only hope. She likes basketball. Despite her height, I would hav rather she took tennis but that would require a racket.
Also at qdale is uncles, ma’s brother, her remaining brther. He used to be some1 I really envied. He had a house in mandara. A wife who had a good job also, 2 children etc. early 90s I started hearing bout his drinking problems, started chasing his wife with an axe. Ma made a strange comment late 90s saying that she hated uncles’s wife coz, she thot she the wife is the one who is responsible for him turning out like that, one of ma’s strangwe comments.but recently she was thinking bout other ppl, she was thinking of the woman also who unfortunately for her is now in the US. He can be really nagging wen drunk to me. He is also a marriage freak, always going on bout me needing to hav a wife and a family. I sometimes feel he does this deliberately, as a form of punishment. E.g. he came here wen ma had gone to hwange, he started shouting to me t go away, saying I was cozing ma and her ma’s illnesses. I hated that day, in fact I don’t want to c that man again. So most ppl who say I should get married, pretend to be wanting wats good for me, yet their true intentions always come out. I was afraid he could come again now that ma’s ma, mma, has left.
I went to church in Bellevue last Sunday, and wat I can say is that next tme I’l go to the other church. Wat hapend here was that auntr was foning here, and ma and sim1 were avoiding answering the fon. She was suggesting sism1 goes to school in hwange and takes her exams ther. in fact hey said I should go to collect money to pay for the skool here Montrose. Ma told me she should just fon and ask if it was possible, and she confirmd it was no longer possible. Sism1 refused to even come to tok to her. I heard Ma saying she did not hear the fon ringing wen toking to autnr on the fon, as tho she had tried to fon and faild to go through. Wen ma and sism1 left, ma told me to lye that they left separately. Auntr cold me on my fon, said she had been ringing the landline. I noticed the ringer on the fon had been switchd off. Wat if there was a job I could have known, is this the first time. … I was eventually told to deposit money for sism1 exam fees to auntr’ account. As for school fees, I hed ma laughing bout auntr not being the 1 to pay for sis school fees yet she tokd confidently bout changing schools, and said sisb1 cant possibly pay. It seems sism1 has won the stay home campaign.. she did ask me for sponsorship for music, but she has never shown me her wek.
05/14/06most of my drems are of my old w/falls days. Last night I dreamt of finding an old lost cellfon near my oold skool, lordesia. Weird dream considering I never had a fon during my older wfalls days, and I never had such a big fon at all. Another person ma once said she hated, pac, was a relative of pa’s, a mixd race, policeman, it was his wife in fact she said she hated,mac. They came wen ma was pregnant, I thot that she was jealous and racist. I once mention I might marry a mixd race person, and she said she doesn’t want 1. so I was confused by this person, my ma who dared to dictate wat I should do. Mayb dats hw its done with mma’s family, wen one hates some1, they make sure that all hate dat 1. I m suspicious bout dis interest in pac, especially sism1. ma askd me 4 pac’s number and wants to invite him over. He is in Harare at the moment.
I in da process of updating my site. I mite not go to church today, I need a sapmle demo of an application. I only uploaded a test applet to see if applets can run, but I had no time to chec the result. Mother’s day is dis weekend, I am afraid mma is coming soon.
05/18/06 I decided to rest my legs instead of going to church that day. There was drama tho later on. Just as sism1 feared auntr and auntrh, came to collect her. That souded like a glass smashing, lwen sism1 was here, ma seemd to have gotten very clumsy. I would come back and find her coffeee mugs broken, that ws 2, in a week.
Right, I was just ehre all unprepared and scruffy looking. They stopd the car by the gate, couldn’t c who was in. auntr was the one who came, told me mma wanted to c me in da car. So I went there wondering wat was going on. To my surprise mma wasn’t in the car, only aunrh, and a friend cold,maskiri. He said we were going to collect sism1, and started asking me about her church. We stoppd by fbc to ask for directions to sism1’s church, harvest. Wen we arrived, I could not stay inside, for long after looking at myself, feeling ashamed, nd noticeing sism1 wasnot in sight, it was going to take time, so I went to root myself in the car seat. auntrh returnd with sism1, approaching the car together, wen sism1 said she didn’t realize she was leaiving, she left a bag behind. She left running, auntrh walking fast behind. After a long time we began to suspect she had run away.
I got a fon col confirming this from auntr, saying that I should lok for sism1, that she must b hiding in a fon shop nearby bcoz she had foned ther. I chose to ignore that. I saw auntrh going the other direction and he took maskiri with him. They came woking back to the other direction with sism1, along with a group of other church members. One member stoppd and cold me, he askd if I was really her brother, and whether ma knew wat was going on. They eventually brought her ito the car, we collected one of the church member,on the wayu home auntrh askd who was the aunt in SA she said she wanted 2 visit,. We got home and there was a lecture from churchmate, who was full of praise for education, then maskiri, made his version, and aauntrh . she sat there looking all decent, must have been ashamed of the church guy.
They got her packing. Wen she was packing, auntr was on the attack again, saying I had been accepted as a nursing student but ranaway. I dint say it then, but it wass really her who contributes to such problems. Wen I was studying nursing in England, she phoned me regularly, to tell me that I was ,nag, that I was sending very little money home, with fees for sisb and sism being needed and ma’s medical. She woukd argue that I can/should find night, weekend wek to do while studying, while I protested that I coulkd not find any wek while at skool. As tho all my assistance was negligible. I was I began to skip skool a lot to go and wek on skool days, which affected my perfomance.i was surrounded by paki youngsters who all seemd to study programming who used to say a person can wek anywhere with a comp sc degree. It made me think of my degree which I left, without even going for graduation. She also used to complain bout, da fact that she was my surety at ver, and was afraid debt collectors were going to take a house bcoz of my ver loan. It was 6500$ , but was a lot of money then. I ran away from skool , raised some money and thot I should go back to zim, then come back. In high wycombe I also used to wok a lot. I came back , against da advice of of even bma’s side. My attempt to return to England was unsusccessful, my auntc there had said her husband auntch did not want any1 from zim there(he probably wanted money from these ppl). So I was detaind then sent back. I even had 1000 pounds in my account, but they were not interested.
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