My family & friends
greatz log
5 jun 2020
I am just disappointed my youth page is taking too long to appear. what is it they have a problem with.
Single bells, single bells, single all the way. 3jun20
today I will post my youth page.am about to finish primary school part. because of confusion of the order, i will start my mature page to continue in the future
wow. this site is still up and running in 2019. my browser is incompatible with the other site i was using. i now have a computer program that encodes and decodes. here is the simple key. every a is a z, b is a y, c is x etc,and 9=0. I was hoping to build a website in which people can enter their own codes, but how will it benefit me. i already created educational material online and its just idle. All female relatives over 23 are now mothers. auntr's daughters are the childless ones. i am now the senior bachelor.
my encoded
nb nz zodzbh yvorvevh gszg vevib lgsvi nzm rh yilpv vcxvkg nv. hsv zodzbh tlvh yily wlvhmg dlip.74 zki 7980. gsv xzhv lu gsv hgizmtv hnh ivkligh lu kfixszhv lu zrigrnv uiln nb zxxlfmg. gsv yzmp zmw kslmv xlnkzmb zxgrmt orpv rg dzh nv. nb ozhg lkgrlm rh gsv klorxv, dsl szev mvevi svokvw nv yvuliv. nb rnnfmv hbhgvn hvvnh evib dvzp gsvhv kzhg 7 bvzih, r szw gl zkkob uli nvwrxzo zrw. r glow hrhy r tlg xirhrh rm gszg r wlmíg sze z ivorzyov klhgzo zwwivhh.nvw zrw dzmg gl klhg gsv nvw zrw xziw. hsv rtmlivw zmw hvmg nv z sr zugvi zylfg 7 dvvph orpv hsv zodzbh wlvh. r yvg dsvm gsvb gzop gl vzxs lgsvi gsvb ozfts zmw hzb gsvb wlm yvovrev rm srh kilyovnh. dvm wrw r gbkv gsrh>>gvnkgzgrlm tvg zdzb uiln nv. nb xloovztfvh gvmw gl rtmliv gsv uzxg gszg r zohl szev kilyovnh rm nb oruv, hfxs zh slnvovhhmvhh. gsvb hkvmw nlhg lu gsvri gbn xlnkozrmrmt zylfg gsrmth r wlmíg vevm szev. hfxs zh dzmgrmt gl tl slnv, uznrob ivozgrlmh. r dzh rm sdzmt ozhg dpvmw. gvnkgzgrlm tvg zdzb uiln nv. nb xloovztfvh gvmw gl rtmliv gsv uzxg gszg r zohl szev kilyovnh rm nb oruv, hfxs zh slnvovhhmvhh. gsvb hkvmw nlhg lu gsvri gbn xlnkozrmrmt zylfg gsrmth r wlmíg vevm szev. hfxs zh dzmgrmt gl tl slnv, uznrob ivozgrlmh. gsv dvvp yvuliv ozhg r dzh ovzermt gsrh kozxv lm z wzb r szw vziorvi hzrw sld slnvovhh r dzh, hl r dzh gizevoormt drgs gsrh xloovztfv dsl r xzoo nrhh wvmb. hsv vckivhhvw hfikirhv gszg r dzhmíg ovzermt sdzmt rnnvwrzgvob. r szw gl vckozrm gl svi orpv z hgizmtvi dsl r mvevi gvoo zmbgsrmt gszg dsviv dlfow r hovvk ru r ziirev ozgv. r dzh xzoovw gl sdzmt ozhg uirwzb. szmar r hslfow yv tl ybl zg 6zn. r szw gl hovvk lfghrwv uvzirmt gsrvevh.
continuing from above. my love life , still waiting for my first time, or should i be now saying my never tym.
in code.
orpv r hzrw r wvxrwvw r hslfow mlg wzgv zh olmt zh nb urmzmxrzo xirhrh hgroo vcrhgh. r lmxv wvxvrevw nbhvou rmgl yvorvermt r dzh tlrmt gl nzpv z xzivvi drmmrmt rm hkligh yvggrmt. r hgzigvw luu evib dvoo. nzwv z olg lu nlmvb , gsvm hgzigvw olhrmt yrt gbn. wvhkrgv nb olhhvh r pvkg gsv uzrgs . pvkg hzbrmt gsrh dzh nb vhxzkv. vmw lu ozhg bvzi r klhgvw zm zw lmormv. gslftsg rm wvxvnyvi r dlfow hfxxvvw hl nfxs fhrmt gsv 992 hrgv. wvhkrgv xovziob kfggrmt nb wvgzroh lm gsv hrgv, gsv ivhklmhvh r tlg szw kko zhprmt nb ztv. gslhv 5 kofh bvzih blfmtvi dviv hzbrmt r dzh gll low. gslhv zilfmw nb ztv dviv hzbrmt r szw ml xsrow hl r mvvw hlnvlmv blfmtvi. r tlg yolxpvw yb hl nzmb lu gsvhv dlnvm lm dszghzk, r nrtsg y tvggrmt z xzkgxsxz. gsviv dzh lmv dlnzm dsl r nv gdrxv rm gldm. qfhg orpv nb wzgrmt hrgv gsviv dviv nfxs nliv dlnvm gszm nvm, hl rn hfiv gsvb dviv evib krxpb. wfirmt wvxvnyvi gsv mvd ulinfoz wrw mlg dlip. r pvkg tvggrmt . rwvzoob xsfixs rh z tllw kozxv gl nvvg , yfg vevibgbn r vevm gsrmp lu tlrmt gl xsfixs hlnvgsrmt yzw szkkvmh. gsv kzggvim rh hxzib, ozhg bvzi nlhg lu zkiro r dzh roo, qfhg mld r olhg gsv nlmvb zugvi gsrmprmt.
12 jun2020 my childhood
below my junior teen. then I will post later
it's better any new post should be in green font
the right hand side will continue my "ancient " history

my childhood before I was born my father had already fathered sisp from a woman then brok and sisauc from another . he then married bma who had a child cozd. I was born. from bmas sister, a teenager, before bma gave birth. don't ask how. then 6 months later bma had brob. still lived in Glen Nora. maybe I was an unwanted child. so the woman I saw around the house was bma. i re member being naughty at infant school. i remember watching pa driving. one day when pa left me alone I drove about a metre. pa gave birth to brol then brot from a beautiful woman I later discovered was my nanny few months later. don't remember about broi he stayed at his ma. pa bot a house in waterfalls whites must have been leaving the country. i had my first 100% sibling in sisb a month later his wife had sisa. that was when I started grade 2. pa was mostly away. of course I had major health problems. don't remember much, such as brok going to wfalls school. it took a long tym for me to walls alone to school. my health worsened . respiratory problems, running nose. suspected asthma. did not make friends. maths abacus was difficult to me. then I was demoted and so was brob in grade 3. brob was friends with neighbour boy and his neighbour. at home brob was also popular. pa would call me with prefix which means tiny, ka. young brol imitated calling me ka mn. I got angry hit him. then everyone labelled me a bully. on top of my health, i wasn't allowed to play with others. brob on the other hand was given extra names not nicknames. pa also named him innocent, effort, goodson. the times he mentioned me he would say that I was named after his pa who used to whip him. I turned to twigs , used them as toys. I also married cartoons. watched tv religiously. Spiderman, batman, incredible hulk. my role models fighting for justice. of course all birthdays were celebrated. the older boy from next door break dancing so well. got in fight once but can't remember. I remember at school thinking, there's a pretty girl. the girl bursted into laughter looking at me. so I was uncomfortable with my face. pulled the hat to cover it. the teacher taught times tables. I was also used to go to remedial class with a girl, totally don't remember anything about her. my clothes were another crisis. my feet were so tiny I chose big shoes to hide the size, but there was space in front. the small boy, pa noticed my shoes decided i should be given small shoes. also tight shorts and shirt. I went to school with these small shoes, laughed at a lot. the boy oposite laughed at me all the way from school said i had horse feet. at the same time brob was popular at school, said he was awarded smartest dressed. everything going wrong I wanted to be grown up thought my life will be better. I didn't want to include children in my future. sisb and sisa were also joining opposite cheerleading. because they already had me labelled bully. funny ha? somehow I got promoted to different class brob was. neighbour boy went to our old class for grade 5. we were made to stand in 2 lines in front of our new class. suddenly the girls line laughed, looking my direction. except for 1 girl, looked indian, floml.
23dec19
just having a laugh. mas hearing difficulties have worsened since auntrh came and said i used to talk inaudibly. today I wanted to say tennis predictions could have earned me big. ma couldn't get the word tennis. i tried spelling it out and she used p instead of t. i gave up but laughed. surprisingly she can hear mosquitoes and sisb on the phone . well the big news is that cozr or coza is trying to settle in Canada. after her cruise ship job.
i have been struggling with getting tired quickly and left kidney pain after about an hour walk. since school closed its been bad but this time I never told anyone. i stay home a lot and lie down.
30dec maybe I was talking to myself. i was telling ma with the maid in between, that the bus for this area is difficult to get. i have a plan i want to start going for the bus to the area nearby and walk from there. ma kept responding like she's understanding. the maid even said ok the nearby area. all of a sudden ma started to say you should go to the nearby area and fetch buses there. continued maid even told me they have nice buses there.

so what I was saying she wasn't paying attention. thats why I like chatting here it makes me feel there's sanity out there.

so women news. the lobola girl surprisingly got someone. she posted that on fb. i was also trying the one i suspected has no lobola. just found out shes a year older. another year older woman giving me a chance to talk to her.
i totally rejected her at first when she was accusing me of having a woman because I switched off my phone at night. then holiday came and my network was more reliable. i restarted. then the bots announced banning stained passports. i went there to confirm for myself. it was my passport they didn't want.
i found her insensitive when i told her i wanted to try risking my passport that she started insisting i have to come on a Saturday when I wanted to come on Sunday because it was economical. i had to spend a lot by travelling by bus on a no train day.
i wrote on my WhatsApp status on my way back i didn't mind having to spend days in a delayed train. it would be like having a home.
hence my not feeling at home at ma's and my suspicion she has a grudge against me.
just found that the space is still there .
i also told ma about reporting the electricity problem .she just started to say the owners are back and they made a report .
i
we entered the class, all girls rushed to sit by my group. next and opposite me were floml and her best friend. the friend asked who is prettier. I said floml. was in love, this pretty girl didn't laugh at me and sits near me? maybe I posted before but all this was sensored off. so we became friends in class, my first friend. the teacher actually asked us to be quiet I remember. I drew a batman floml was impressed. at home brob and i drew Spiderman, i remember my 100%, sisb saw both but was impressed by brob. I didn't notice how she was my 100% sibling.she just fitted with bma. brob would draw 2 muscle humps on the bottom of the arm and one on top , bicep and shoulder were one, yet still he won popularity. then my health happened. I vommited in class.heard the teacher say i had to go home but my friend would have to clean up. idk what happened next. it was downhill from there, a hanky turning wet. the sicknesses really terrorised me. i told myself one day i will be well, marry that girl. my grown up life was going to teach me that I was better sick.then I had a second friend to sit next to me. a refugee, Muhammad.
only around a few days. pa thought doctors were failing. took me to traditional healers and i hated it. the 2 girls were pa' s favourite, they would welcome him home everyday. then pa came with a baby from another woman, the duo congratulated him,encouraged him to do more. they sang him I love you daddy. pa brought his favourites sweets. brot decided to play with the girls, when sweets came he would take some from them. a schemer. I actually started using sicknesses to also get attention. even when I didn't feel ill, i sometimes agreed when pa asked if I was. in town I could order the food I want. the cream duck used to be my favourite, then it became the sausage roll. like me and brob, brot and brol never hung around together. grade six must be when I went to hospital. pa would get drunk, come some nights express certain things, he didn't like mma. said she hated me, wanted to kill me. idk what that meant was she wanting an abortion to be done? he also revealed what i now believe is the reason for my height and health when he said when i was a baby he kept me alive feeding me porridge made of mealie meal. so it means I'm the one who didn't breastfeed. as for sports, i went for athletics one day. ran 1oo m came last but everyone was laughing when i was running. the mixed race chick who ran after our group said she couldn't run, she was still laughing. the only none black person I remember who laughed at me. that was the last time I tried except later I tried tennis. this was a better experience. must have done one or two days.
I am probably the only one who hated break time. that's where I would stand alone others playing. everyone always said that guy is so quiet, he doesn't talk, which was a strange thing to say considering I was alone. at least in class everyone had to be quiet. there were other "mixed race" girls, xsmfcaf and family used to visit neighbours. xsmfjk looked so much like floml, but a sister joined the school. in grade 6 I sat next to floml again, sorted by marks. we wrote a maths mental test. exchanged books in mark. she marked many of my wrong answers correct. the teacher asked who got everything correct. she said i should stand. I got everything. that was the first time looked like a mathematian. the only one standing.because of her. my current headmaster banned me from maths because I copied that. told pupils to exchange. there was a moment a younger boy pushed me wanted to brag he pushed someone older. on holidays went to mma when ma was there I couldn't call her ma, still can't. maybe I didn't breastfeed bond.her sisters were schooling. auntr and auntc also went to church with us all the way to majority whites church in Avondale. .
Latest updates below
14 mar20 been a long long time since I posted. the chess has been keeping me busy. the news is all corona these days. its roo much. head went on leave to fly to south. that rich guy is trusting him so much. i still want to avoid him now that he returned. heavy rains fell in February. sfter that my pc been problematic. i am resetting it now. 20mar while nasty2 has toned down on nastiness, she expressed hatred towards me last week when she confidently said corona was not a black people disease. she said me and round are the ones who are vulnerable. then her husband nusty2h also told me this theory but did not personalise. shortly after a minister was heard on radio saying she's celebrating the virus which was sent by god to punish enemies. so I commented that maybe someone told her that black people are immune.she didn't retaliate or defend. now I remember the incident in which nasty2 requested for me to hotspot her. I remembered how she recommended a maths student for the previous maths teacher. i totally overheard, hanzi charge us$5. I think the guy is her sponsor now. why does she bother me. so I expect the new maths teacher is also a partner in private lessons. my response was ask the new maths teacher.. i called the guy and told him. she looked off gaurd. started saying I got a lot of bundles which are about to expire. of course she's used to lying. I didn't say she's lying i saved her and said my phone is struggling to download webpages. me remaining honest. i dont have a tv so i also wondered if blacks were infected. so I researched, dug up evidence black soccer player odoi was also infectfed. another clash is round who promised me he will do something bad to me. the boy had demanded i send him 50$ for electricity said hod was also paying . i sent 2?.told him i never saw statement zesa wouldn't give me. i asked him nicely to get me a statement. he decided to disrespect me saying I am not paying electricity, he wants to disconnect me. he does ask and tells me i will see. now I am wondering if he'll break into my place over the holidays. I had such suspicions when a village heads daughter demanded i give her marked exam papers and i refused because the marks are too low. she was like youll see what I will do this holiday. nothing happened. i heard other teachers praising her, so she deliberately wants to fail under me this year she's quiet, obviously not doing her work despite that its now a different subject. I'm sure the teacher from last year will say she was a top student. my lack of exam classes means I worry less about those who deliberately fail. oh yes round. so he gathers other teachers as though to campaign for sanctions against me. as for hod, she was never approached by him. she was just asking me how much she's owing she wants to see a statement also. so if i hadn't mentioned she wouldn't have thought of electricity. given the level of dishonesty i am sure that money was for his pocket. as for disconnecting me, i doubt, i reckon i am the one paying most of the bill thats why he won't show me the statement. the fact that leaving this place is difficult, i will still pay on holidays. nephew takes one month here one month away. round is the one who hardly leaves. I think at home they don't want him coming. but he pays satellite. agri2 has transferred there's a more local guy. idl the alliance between nasty and hod even though they been far and i hardly hear what they tell each othet, i am detecting nastiness rubbing onto hod, the person i had no complaint against. I need her on this electricity war. well, corona talk creared friction again. dj mark pozo made a joke on radio about corona that it was probably made by a woman to shut down sports and bars. today round and hod were "celebrating " sports are closed. I mumbled the joke to the young senior. so nasty overheard and said people are dying how can i say that. i must be related to the minister. which was all strange coz they are the ones celebrating like the minister was celebrating. actually no one rebuked the dj for making this joke but people rebuked the minister so much she kept low profile for some time. the other clash was replacement. these days he is surrounded by female students . he got
the first thing was getting welcomed by a boy with a bad reputation when i stood alone opposite the canteen. he said if anyone bothered me I should tell him. then a group of beautiful girls, some of them makaradhi came .said they want to be my friends. i walked around hearing the schools pretty girls saying "hi mn". excellent start to school. I also did well in all subjects except shona. then the floml look alike got the courage to talk to me while walking with her friends. she lived next to that school so when leaving school I saw her. they said they wanted to be my friends. somehow my promise to hook up with floml eventually was under threat. so this is the bad influence those masns feared. all of a sudden bma was replaced by ma after so many years.1 day i returned home told ma makaradhi can be such good people. ma replied "what ? I don't want makaradhi " . if only she knew her beloved daughter was going to give her the first grandchild, a makaradhi.
there was a moment when I was watching tv saw a woman neglecting her child to go after a man, i commented , but ma rubbished that. said a child is not important, a man is. coming from scarce parent . got to watch my first movie, Ghostbusters on the big screen thanks to auntc and cozd. brob somehow was very upset we were not in the same class. I was not happy I was learning with those born a year after me, that worked as my motivation. I totally didn't understand why brob didn't appreciate all the blessings he had he can be a professional athlete, i can't. I tried out for chess, took time to grasp it. brol was interested in chess at primary. sisa, sisb, and Brom started school, the girls topping the class. thats 3 form 1s and 3 grade 1s. I felt sorry for Brom, pa was very harsh he seemed to be a slow learner. I started slow also.
the person i admired was my uncle Sept. he actually lived in whites neighbourhood one wife 2 children. the girl was pretty like her mother guess what she also never respected me as long as I remember, she spitted at me , the mother tried to change her.

she had something to eat, the mother said she should learn to share. the holiday I came back with pneumonia pa fumed. I had someone who got angry that I got sick. can't recall ma or pa visiting, but auntr came and spoke to fellow visitors as though I wasn't there. but there was a white girl who came seeing patients, definitely not a nurse. I still don't know who she is. with me she had someone who can reply. she played drums on my chest then my back. at school I tried to join other boys. the classmates walked in a group. I joined to walk with them. the brightest boys were talking about cars. a topic I couldn't understand so I left. my last year at primary, one boy said me and floml would make a cute couple. as for the girls, a girl said if she was to be married to me she would bully. floml asked me which school i was going to. what did i know, walking to school and back. so the local walking school was obvious. not to mention i felt sorry for pa. every time he complained about money he mentioned medical expenses for me. his relatives were always told that.
my only plans were to one day be an inventor. solve ozone layer problem. then the whole class enjoyed volleyball as a class including floml. the floml look alike sometimes looked at me, i thought she really wanted to talk to me.
I typed a lot but it seems it wasn't saved and the sotw also haven't posted my primary school updates.i worry they see a problem with it. the first time I rem being linked to marriage was female classmate who said if she was to be my wife she would bully me.a boy classmate said me and floml make a perfect match. the former love of my life, floml , was my target to be wife when things get better. brob and i looked similar to mas relatives. they had no idea how different we were. on weekends we were sent to buy groceries. pa had to check the receipts ,as though there was dishonesty or maybe it's just me who wasn't trusted not the good son. brob also enjoyed the bed we shared, stretching himself all over. brob believed in santa claus and superman for a long time .
brob could have been my first student, i wanted to correct something he said, but his mother was quick to interrupt, "don't talk to him rough". wow, a bodyguard. i wonder what his marriage is like.brob would say how he beat the whole school in arm wrestling. pa would come drunk say a lot. complained about mma wanting to kill me. yet when I was at mmas, i said i didn't like the pa drinking and he talks. guess what, mma was quick to defend him she actually said whatever he said is true. thats how these masns seem to be like. during the holiday we worked at pa s place, selling records. we sold so many especially near Christmas.
18jan2020 returned this week. nephew came with his propaganda. claimed electricity was hardly ever available in my absence. also declaring a belief that electricity was no longer going to be a problem. i suppose this is meant to make me believe that there was no electricity charges since it was turned on I never been shown a statement so my assumption is that I am paying most money. zesa told me i need letter from school. the dominant story is sisb job. she kept quiet about it, only heard she reunited with husband. now that im back shes showing interest as if she wants to drop idea of new job now that i am "secure ". all i replied was idk if my salary is coming. 19 feb. my phone experiencing abnormal network challenges since my return. now my salary has come, what do i tell sisb? that they haven't seen clocksheet. how convincing will i be able to sell this job hopelessness ? 22-02 I found myself in unfamiliar territory Friday in falls . A young looking mixed race chick looked like she was flirting, trying to get my attention. i totally didn't know what to do. i spent a long time feeling bad.i might be mistaken altogether but the fact still remains remains. what if i miss a chance in a lifetime that same way. to make it worse, in the train a girl sat opposite to me. i spent the whole trip ,hours not knowing what to say. i always restrain from exposing my inability in the language. A crowd can gang up against me. , then the answer to the why came today. i went to play sports betting. spent a long time and effort. last tym I was ignored when i didn't join the long q with my code. so I joined it. when it was my turn she spoke to the guy next to me said whose next. even he said its me. then she said something like dont mix and reached for the guy next. i insulted her but the place was too loud. so I went out to do my business feeling angry. this is why I shut the world out, and I run out of empathy.
I got better results than the good son brob in both subjects. there was hardly any appreciation. maybe my older siblings did even better than that. but seems they disappointed pa. seems brok joined cozd in what they called reckless behaviour which they associate with mixed race(makaradhi). they even got a shona song 20 years insulting mixed race. as for me I try my best not to judge by race. so when it was decided we were going to the local school I tasted "wisdom" of mas relatives, masns. the believed there are some makaradhi there would be a bad influence to us. such fear, i didn't get . .influence how? they didn't like cozd school also. so the small guy at a new school.

the first thing was getting welcomed by a boy with a bad reputation when i stood alone opposite the canteen. he said if anyone bothered me I should tell him. then a group of beautiful girls, some of them makaradhi came .said they want to be my friends.

i walked around hearing the schools pretty girls saying "hi mn". excellent start to school. I also did well in all subjects except shona. then the floml look alike got the courage to talk to me while walking with her friends. she lived next to that school so when leaving school I saw her. they said they wanted to be my friends. somehow my promise to hook up with floml eventually was under threat. so this is the bad influence those masns feared.
7jan20. theres been no electricity for 5 days now. i was surprised to detect unselfishness from ma. she was hoping electricity would return but she said it was tym rains returned. knowing that rains usually disturb electricity to this place. thats wierd coming from her considering she doesn't seem to care about the environment. She certainly doesn't like the good politicians so she sees renting at the bad politicians cottage as an advantage. says zesa should rush to repair faults there because of the politician but she's disappointed that the place is worse. its very early in the morning i just couldn't sleep anymore. too many things to do. I am kind of suspecting , I know it sounds crazy, but the electricity absence here could be artificial, meant to make me want to leave. I'm just used to not being wanted everywhere i go. no response from my interview. my lack of teaching qualifications is a major disadvantage. just come from town. soccer betting company chased people who were charging away. my phone didn't even charge after 2 hours. now got crisis. my solar charger also didn't charge. i couldn't get cash it was given when I was "charging" . my success was finally getting the alternative route bus leaving town early to have time to explore. i am still communicating with my never met girlfriend like I'm talking now..10jan20. because I got noone to talk to i tell ma maybe too much for someone who acts like an enemy. my teeth are in crisis im struggling with hard meat. i told the current duo that but they continue with hard meat. i complained about kidney problems and needing less salt, I get even more salt. she must've seen the salt wasn't working. i told her i have no regrets for going to auntr place so frequently. i told her about the job auntr didn't want me to have. that I am now suffering because of her silly claims that I wasn't going to have accomodation and teachers salaries will be increased, donors will help. i told her the truth, that I suspected it was my presence there which she feared, that I might have to live there even for a short time she found unacceptable. yet they claimed they wanted me to marry and have someone tolerating staying with me To eliminate that wild imagination (w.i) I had to keep coming. no, it was actually a punishment. 160120 sisbh will be leaving. i almost forgot he's came. another auntrh incident. in fact ma has been saying shes going visit bma. so today she came with these big bags said we're going to uk. i said you mean to bma place? then auntrh came with sisbh and daughters cozs and cozch who i haven't seen in a long time. there was no sitting space. auntrh came opening that mouth said I m still here. i should be gone. i replied. no i shouldn't return. he insisted. i didn't feel happy he wanted to chase me away. in fact i thought ma called him to chase me away. so many in "my bedroom ". i just left to have a bath. planned to go out take my mind off things. instead i went so far i got lost dor the second time. but this time I didn't have to ask for directions. the road i wanted to see i didnt. i kept wondering how can ma communicate like that? they come to take her? what about this place? why the big bags? is maid also going? so when I returned everything got clear. i saw sisbh pulling the bags. so it wasn't that ma waa joking about the destination, she was joking about the person. i was deciding people are fed up with my presence here. i should travel by train spend some nights in the streets. now that ma isn't going i can go this weekend. almost 4 days away. 22jan I told my "fiancee" almost everything about me. she keepnig me too busy for anything else. guess what message she sends me. tell me more about yourself. does she not have anything to do? I told her about Lobola who knew nothing about me yet she changed my fb status to relationship with her.its like this whole diary. i still dk how she earns, she said hustling. thwt can be anything. maybe its what chased her babies papa. I once dropped her for demanding i keep replying. maybe she brews illegal alcohol. and other foods. today I went to the atm by the shops. it actually gives out cash. if I wasn't a loner i would have known. all this time going to town. Found out there's a vacancy at local school. wont tell ma this tym. might get sabotaged. u know how allergic these ppl are to me. dys came back hiding, to eavesdrop on auntr and children visiting ma, expecting my absence. i must have missed where they talked about me. visitors gone now hearing there's a message for me, probably a threat to go to school. probably wants to throw my things away. ma still in there , didn't run away to her room. the maid is really talkative. 26jan my post disappeared. i was wondering how auntrh was going to intensify his attacks. Friday i received message from nephew saying he is returning what about me. it was obvious to me a scam. I said no. then he said he was told everyone else is there. a clear lie. I said I am looking for cash for transport. right now I just confirmed the bulawayo teacher isn't there. the Harare hass one tick. its like part of the good nephew bad uncle approach i often see. I am sure if i had gone he was going to say ut was his uncle who lied to him. and change it to the others are coming. meanwhile the others are going to be told that teachers have returned including me all the way from Harare. yesterday I walked from town. zupco combis were playing chase me and guess where I am going. i got tired of running after the combis and thought all that energy I could have walked . so for the first time i did. my legs are a bit painful because I don't do a lot of walking these days. 28jan auntrh came. coincidence that I was here?. i tried to avoid him went to have a wash. he waited. I came out to collect my shoes. tried to justify chasing me away. said I being a burden. I should strike at school. i should find job. ma will leave for uk what will i do? i will lose my job. 30jan I am being kept busy by the attention demands of the this fiance. yesterday I she sent message after 7 . must have been after I checked my phone then switched off. at 6am there was a complaint that this week I'm staying offline. i also ran out of things to mention. right now I am pondering. this is the hardest work I ever had to do for a woman by far. to think she was with a man for a long time.. sometimes i slightly feel she's playing with me. the day of her arrival is near and she got no idea the crisis I'm facing trying to find accomodation. originally i wanted ma's place. now with my obvious overstaying any welcome i had, auntrh, i am searching for a place to rent. brok said he out. the woman who organised a place in falls, has one tick. maybe i can try again. can't find the number of guy i rented from in hw. i decided to choose hw, now she'squizzing my earlier stmt that I got no accommodation in byo. I get to crack my head about how to answer all the time. ! 4feb today is the day she was supposed to travel. she kept quiet on Sunday then told me she was sick. now she's quiet. yesterday maid said something silly. I said I was going to see a babe. akati i should bring the babe here she would be welcomed. I quickly rubbished that saying we will be attacked by these go away to your school. auntrh plan was i would die of my problems there not wanting to bother my mother. well sisb phoned and said she was organising a job with her husband's sister. so even if I want to go i would wait for this. the fact that she said i would need a place to stay means she is confident. its not a might happen. my betting has improved but my losses were too many i even lost 2 winning tickets so far. but I am now concentrating on security. nephew was bothering me as usual with his maybe school project, an access database. he actually makes it seem like a crisis when he needs something. to add to the complications merid is at school. so I might be only one away now. i think i should wait for response from sisb by Thursday. if nothing i can return on Friday. either case I am leaving soon. I'm out of things to do these days. i closed my unit trust but the money which was due yesterday didn't come. wow , my morning WhatsApp status only viewed by 3. not by ma or sisb or my exclassmates this time. the regulars. I just posted that the bank is giving cash but the account is dry hoping that someone might give me a deal. 7feb still no word from sisb. maybe i should follow-up. senior teacher now telling me to return. very baf timing. would have been nice to travel on Friday. unit trust account which still had some money, I closed, problem is my bank account not added. tomorrow they probably closed. its seems like fraud. what a turn of events. things were promising last week. all of a sudden all my hopes fading. could this be an affirmation that I need to not consider churches. now everything going wrong. my hope that she would mark my return to church fading with her ignoring me, maybe she blocked my fb. from a ahigh to rock bottom. was she not playing like others just pretending and wasting her time. apparently sisb marriage problems are too extreme she won't consider her husband's job offer for me. she got problem with his daughter not leaving. now she wants to leave him.
all of a sudden bma was replaced by ma after so many years.1 day i returned home told ma makaradhi can be such good people. ma replied "what ? I don't want makaradhi " . if only she knew her beloved daughter was going to give her the first grandchild, a makaradhi.
...........

there was a moment when I was watching tv saw a woman neglecting her child to go after a man, i commented , but ma rubbished that. said a child is not important, a man is. coming from scarce parent .
got to watch my first movie, Ghostbusters on the big screen thanks to auntc and cozd. brob somehow was very upset we were not in the same class. I was not happy I was learning with those born a year after me, that worked as my motivation.
I totally didn't understand why brob didn't appreciate all the blessings he had he can be a professional athlete, i can't. I tried out for chess, took time to grasp it. brol was interested in chess at primary.
sisa, sisb, and Brom started school, the girls topping the class. thats 3 form 1s and 3 grade 1s. I felt sorry for Brom, pa was very harsh he seemed to be a slow learner. I started slow also.
i was the class and believed the school's mathematician. the teacher chose me to represent the school in an old mutual maths quiz form2. ma did show signs of hope the day bma was there. I jumped over sisa leg sitting on the floor , bma complained, then ma defended. maybe there already was a war between them not that she cares. the girls at school recommended I be friends with xcmmam who was self proclaimed lover boy. pa started building a shop area where the first house is. he needed our labuor, me brob and cozt, the big boys, to carry boxes of stock. our home became a storage unit. the police were enemies to hide from. doing this. heavy vehicles started moving to our home delivering. despite this business taking up our time pa insisted education is key. xsmfjk also invited me to her church. form 2 , i was topping all subjects except shona. my laziness to read was also.a disadvantage in reading subjects . xsmfjk came to do secondary there and i never approached her. it was my turn to be friendly and i couldn't. I was getting to be friends with a boy promoted from other class xcmmpm. sism was born, my next 100% sister. we immediately had a connection. sisa bragged to me about her tallness said everyone is going to be taller than me, that she was already taller. she was exaggerating she was only forehead high. she still is.no this was later. when she reached there. my last English teacher happy with me was the then teacher. I totally loved technical drawing. maybe the same as maths. my headmaster also understood that I don't do sports. then pa finished building his shop, he liked calling our shop. I wondered why. didn't he c he had many children. mas presence didn't last long. the relationship ended violently. siss probably didn't hang around long. her ma stuck with her. pa all of a sudden changed from being the overprotective, to shouting at me. I stayed behind for holiday, unfortunately didn't get sick like I'm used to, but pa wanted me to adjust to a lifestyle totally alien to me. he would look around the yard and call me. Say I should think for myself. I ended up climbing to hide in trees to hide. things were so much better when Iwas sick. i also didn't like being shouted at rather that he showed me what to do, as well as teaching me his electronics. his brother also had a beautiful woman he impregnated. there was a maid that came to stay. said she learned at Monte cassino . didn't know anything about this school. I was number 2 in class, was the best position ever in my life then. so I was anticipating great results zjc. they never came. pa s neighbour of his other house was the one who called me a genius. told his son to be like me. form 3 was an exact opposite. even new headmaster wanted me to also do sports. I was struggling most subjects. English teacher also taught my second worst subject literature so..... technical graphics new teacher gave me extremely low marks. said neatness penalties. with science, i found a chemistry textbook with highlightings. I liked the highlights, made reading load look small. maths always been light load coz to me it's just few formulas. English and shona teacher conspired in attempt to demote to lower class but the maths rescued me. one day we went to watch a movie of the Shakespeare book at girls high. in the same row I sat I noticed floml some distance looking at me. I thought the flame is still there. did I mention the time cozm came to visit us at pas electronics business, brok was there . there was an interest in girls of the all girls school which floml also went to. she said girls don't want skin and bones, there has to be some flesh. I knew that I don't qualify. even the tv you hear 'I want a tall , ....' the absence of siss made sism look like the only one without a "twin". the bond with coza was forming slowly, coza not around much at the mma place, bma actually stayed with her new husband out of the capital. it was strange that bma children were regarding her as a sibling. the first person to take interest in modelling was auntc. she was the first mathematician relative also. she was also first relative to be impressed by me. she heard me singing in the bathroom, said i didn't know you can sing. I sang Mr windel one day school a boy said so I am good at school and singing also. must be form 2. didn't again, i thought they just being nice. of course recently ma also said so. but I been with her many years now. auntc was also impressed by how well i got along with her child. didn't say so, but bought him a pram labelled my name , mn. at home I was kind of suspicious of how brot used to sit sism on his lap a lot. pa became very proud of his business, bought a bmw, and what he called a mini bus to fit all his children. to me it's a van, now called combi. and it was used to load stock. he reckoned everyone knew him. I didn't like being sent, he would say tell them u are pasn son. he actually said he thought we were getting girls using his name. there was no indication of such to me. that Monte Cassino girl came , left. twin mixed race girls who smoke came a short time. meanwhile when pa was away breakins started. we heard nothing. just saw in the morning things gone. so pa was popular to thieves. he said he was attacked, walking, bought a gun. brob is the normal one who knew we needed to ask for more money for lunch. some students bot cokes and pies , 5$ a day, while we were getting on freezit a day with $2 a week. he increased, i started buying doughnuts. didn't see any need to be greedy. at pas shop he would tell me to stand by the door check receipts. brob was taken around to butchery, to tills. again he was showing me anything. naturally people thought he was older and that he was the heir. then pa brought one of the most beautiful girl we ever saw to be the maid, looked our age. I knew I didn't stand a chance with brob around. brob accepted he was in love. until the day I asked him how the progress was, and he was like shhh . she is now sleeping in pas bedroom. that was hma , broh the last sibling. indeed pa was popular to get someone like that. o level came. I survived many subjects, not happy with C in technical graphics. again bettered brob almost all subjects. for the first time in my life pa was proud of me. he boasted to everyone. he tried to get me to straight As schools, but failed. I still couldn't greedily demand a good school so I went back. brob couldn't come, decided to go to a college in town to do my subjects, which i chose because of maths. honestly I really wanted further mathematics and technical graphics also. I now think i could have done computer science, just didn't know it existed. pa started changing his tone. it was no longer education is key, but graduates cant find jobs, i will employ graduates. again we spent lots of time at his shop he liked to call your shop. I had no skill to even operate a till. we also counted the money together. many relatives came begging. auntc was in the airforce. she wanted air fares to go do nursing in UK. she left angry. in lower 6 i was position 2, then in upper 6 number one for the first time in my life. I don't know why the other guys chose mpc but to me it's where my competency is. my best friend was xcmmkmdy from st Ignatius. we wrote a maths Olympiad test (old mutual). only me and him passed.we were awarded certificates at assembly. then he kept pleading to me not to pass the next round. he didn't want to feel ashamed if it was only me succeeding yet everyone saw we were 2. I didn't put much studying, and we both failed. we not even in touch anymore. some friendship.
jan 2020
the hwang teaching was unique, married teachers galore. I hated how they spoke saying I don't need $ coz i got no wife and children.
i struggled having a base due to absence of staff room. teachers using storerooms. here its also a problem. teachers just loiter all over. the staff room has been changed into a storeroom. so I resorted to using the dirty former library.
discipline was a problem also among female teachers. senior master solution was to listen to whatever lies they had to say. i actually suspected he or another was supplying them with drugs to create environment unsuitable for me to work doing it for the head, but that's my imagination.
I don't know if the common comments from the teachers i used to hear kuti i should get married was stupidity or evil. i understand someone who doesn't know me can say that its probably a fashionable thing to say but those people saw me all the time. they knew I didn't date had no girlfriend. marry who? using the job as a base to marry. didn't they see I had a job crisis. they were actually in denial about my crisis. my neighbour refused to accept that this head would give a bad report if I was looking for a job said he doesn't hate me that much. its just talking.
but he did. i wondered how far he would take this hatred, will he hire someone to kill me?
As a reward to auntr for stopping me from getting the job i started regularly coming to their place. her problem was that if i got the job there was a possibility i would not find a place to stay and i would have to stay there, she didn't want to see me . Or its just my wild imagination she had no problem seeing me there so I came frequently. they just couldn't tell me to stop coming.


2/1/20
let me recall events that happened since 2007. the last time I posted here. my dates can be inaccurate. i did notice my other blogs are probably still there. the website is so heavy its difficult to navigate unlike this one.
let me summarise anyway. mosquito repellent was so expensive. $46 .
did i mention the time brob brought me his junk as usual as repayment of what he owed. some landline handsets. said he wanted to open a phone shop. to me it was all junk.
in 2007 i left teaching after taking bait from former best friend. i Struggled again to survive. i went for a job interview in town. i mentioned i taught before. they phoned the head. he told them i was a disaster. this put me off looking for teaching job again. then bacossi was introduced. basics were disappearing quickly. people would quickly queue at a shop where basics appear. so I would join any q to get anything and selling was easy people can buy from u after buying. it was a source of income a short time until goods started disappearing despite queuing. cops soldiers nurses security guards got first preference. they .started finishing all the stock as this began to look like their job.
another concern was people who came out with large amounts of stock maybe it was relatives and girlfriends of staff. i suspected wives were having affairs to acquire goods. My body got damaged when I started consuming too much of my sugar stock.
. i liked spending time away from the duo. they obviously didn't like me. auntr and mma seemed to express their hatred towards me saying we dont care about you its only your mother we care about and if your ma dies that will be it. ma hiding food in their room. mma was especially stressed about my using the bedroom i used said its supposed to be for my cousins cozk and cozc heirs to mas side of the family because they were children of mas male sibling so they carried the surname.

to worsen things cozk saw joysticks for a device i bot in Malawi when i had to leave and dispose of local currency. he accused me of stealing his game device from cozm iin uk. i applied
2008 was stuck again. then I remembered a physics major who was teaching at convent. i had raised money for cvs and applications.
i ended up being hooked up to school far. the head there said he spoke to my former head and decided not to take me. i did get called and got the job 3 rd term. then pas relative who headed one of the top school in zim under the church called me over. i went there. we failed to agree on many things. i regretted leaving the other school. i would pass by the Harare house. felt more at home there. but when I returned byo sism had a mindset to accuse them of being bad hosts. i was asked did they give me breakfast. so the duo was like those ppl are so bad they didn't even give me breakfast. the duo actually got me no breakfast or lunch and just a small supper most of the time. so they saw an opportunity to use me as a pawn.
i just wanted to disappear. far away. i still do. still 2008 i saw ads for security guards wanted. i went to the big company. they said im too short. then I saw an unknown company ad. i actually got that job. worked mostly nights. one of the places I guarded was said to be dangerous that several times it was raided. i felt the employer was happy with me but I wasn't happy with my status. i saw another ad for computer typing. passed the test of typing a sample. that was my new job. the previous employer decided to phone my mother said I was insane. thats not how he was when I was there.2009 i was actually happy there for a while. for the first time byo people seemed to respect me. i was usually travelling by commuter train. even nust students would come and seek help.i also felt the owner wanted to hook me up with a niece based in US. maybe i should have. maybe they found out my real qualifications cause I only ended with a levels. we even used internet there.that was when I first saw some people from diaspora being interested in Facebook. i thought it was similar to hi5 which I hooked up with a former best friend in Ireland.
then mma came from uk. not hiding her anger at my presence there. started going on about if a person works they move out. so I was happy but not to that extent that I felt like I earned enough to rent. the job ended. not before people were paid in forex.
i had a little money from those adventures . there was amnesty for teachers who left to return. i immediately took my papers. they actually wanted to return me to the dont hire him head. i insisted i had problem with o level wanted to teach a level. thats when I was sent to hwang school.
schools opened mid march. married teachers galore. a female teacher joined together with me. auntr jumped to conclusions we were dating. i really wanted them not to accept that this was a job for me and my dating would make it seem like i fit. i also couldn't accept the girl who didn't see my crisis. she replied to the auntrhs everything is fine. yes I was in crisis. the heaf welcomed me by saying there was a bad report about me from my former head and he was going to prove everything correct and I should just resign again last last time.
it affected my a level class because I didn't want to do nothing about my crisis so I wanted to job or project hunt.
the first holiday i think it was wfp who started with an ad wanted data capturer.
decided to make a follow-up. at first they asked which church I go. then they accused me of being over qualified. auntr tried discouraging me returning byo for holiday. said I had home now. i didn't feel accepted at this "home".
next term my a level class was removed. the deputy said students complained. i remembered being happy in byo never heard of such. the hod took the class. i only had 2 weeks. when the 2 boys from that class came to me for help i was reluctant. said they complained. they denied it. because I had already started, i continued but concentrated on my classes. i noticed there was no college in hwange so I wanted to start a college.
next holiday a college waa being built as if someone heard my ideas. don bosco which was seeking teachers. i had no phone so i put auntr as contact number. i actually went for an interview like the one i just had. they phoned at auntr place and disaster. she was fuming why are you looking for a job when you have a job . there was a lot of shouting so that the guy on the other side can hear . shouting such as accommodation you have accomodation. dont take that job because you have a job which gives you accomodation. impressing on me a fear of having to stay with her at that place. these are the ppl who say they want me married. they reckon i am so horrible. it was communicating to me that I am so horrible who would want to live with him. i tried to explain i was not going to stay there i can rent until they finish building the staff housing. but the woman was just possessed. she even reckoned that our salaries can be increased because of donors. believing that would have been really silly but she got the luxury she doesn't have to live this life. this was a major highlight of my relationship with my aunt. when I saw the guy he said he didn't think I could resign in time so these are the church institutions. as for auntr my blame is on her.
so this is why I was not considered to teach cozk. i am just a prisoner being kept away from others. next term i was given the poor classes only. the hod actually said I should be killed. he said I was killing the students. said its better for 1 person to die.ma phoned to say they were stranded in a sea of sewage. so the horrible guy was not around to sort the problem.
next holiday must be when duo started campaigning for a sale of the place. auntc and at first auntr also resisted. in duo's brain that small place could be sold and another bought with the money. she also reckoned it was time bma moved out. i tried to say you should not just sell houses. but I advised that if they do sell they can sell to me.
right now ma is hating this place for more electricity problems than normal. understandable because electricity is rare. at least its not a sale. but i like the wifi. uncle died and bma was once again blamed and the calls for her eviction got stronger. all i saw was another place where I wont be so welcome. like mma was saying a place for cozc and cozk. the heirs. the duo turned a blind eye to such statements, all she saw was eviction of her sister. just like auntr only saw isolation of me. mma only saw her heirs inheriting.
bma had her flock.
bma started arguing that the house belongs to her. so i heard. they planned to hire mnas relatives to force her out. that house was sold. she eventually moved out in came the motive for selling that house was to create an artificial housing crisis for ma so she can stay there.
as for school the hod who took over a level maths started getting 0%pass rates. those 2 boys i coached were the last to pass. but I was never considered to take over. moreover his best class for o level produced almost the same number of students passing as my lower class.
my first was the 0 but we started competing close. indiscipline was another problem affecting mostly me.
the head and deputy breathed down my neck accusing me of not receiving enough books to mark etc. another teacher said this job was so good he can stay in his storeroom all day. i thought how different, if i miss one class they take opportunity to come after me. then schools introduced incentives. it was good at first. until they decided my incentives to be stopped.
i still came to school. then they removed my subjects and hired temp. i was given lower form 2 class science .
in the mean time ma blamed bma of destroying the house before sge left. the duo assisted cozk pushing me away. sism went on about how great he was for wiring the place. she even said she can get him a job as an electrician. when I touched something they combined to say it could explode. this system of rubbishing what I say started long back.
cozk and cozc took the big bedroom and mma was happier because I got to sleep in the lounge .
then cozk came up with silly stories of how cozp and cozm wanted to sell the place. i rubbished it but the duo totally believed.
i ended up failing to charge my phone being told it could blow. the place was really frustrating. let me write on a new file


23dec19
just having a laugh. mas hearing difficulties have worsened since auntrh came and said i used to talk inaudibly. today I wanted to say tennis predictions could have earned me big. ma couldn't get tge word tennis. i tried spelling it out and she used p instead of t. i gave up but laughed. surprisingly she can hear mosquitoes and sisb on the phone . well the big news is that cozr or coza is trying to settle in Canada. after her cruise ship job.
i have been struggling with getting tired quickly and left kidney pain after about an hour walk. since school closed its been bad but this time I never told anyone. i stay home a lot and lie down.
30dec maybe I was talking to myself. i was telling ma with the maid in between, that the bus for this area is difficult to get. i have a plan i want to start going for the bus to the area nearby and walk from there. ma kept responding like she's understanding. the maid even said ok the nearby area. all of a sudden ma started to say you should go to the nearby area and fetch buses there. continued maid even told me they have nice buses there.

so what I was saying she wasn't paying attention. thats why I like chatting here it makes me feel there's sanity out there.

so women news. the lobola girl surprisingly got someone. she posted that on fb. i was also trying the one i suspected has no lobola. just found out shes a year older. another year older woman giving me a chance to talk to her.
i totally rejected her at first when she was accusing me of having a woman because I switched off my phone at night. then holiday came and my network was more reliable. i restarted. then the bots announced banning stained passports. i went there to confirm for myself. it was my passport they didn't want.
i found her insensitive when i told her i wanted to try risking my passport that she started insisting i have to come on a Saturday when I wanted to come on Sunday because it was economical. i had to spend a lot by travelling by bus on a no train day.
i wrote on my WhatsApp status on my way back i didn't mind having to spend days in a delayed train. it would be like having a home.
11 dec. finally arrived in h and what a trip i had. before I left i spoke to my xclassmate jr. i had been questioning myself if i really had evidence beyond doubt that I can't marry. then I recalled the suspicious person who played hide and seek then I stopped talking to her then she friended me again. and said she would want the lobola to be paid first and in full. i wanted to regard that as a failure but after my thoughts i now want to consider the possible scam. so I asked a jr how i can avoid being scammed, but all he did was make me wait for him to hook me up. its over a week so he probably saw its not easy as others think for my case.

sisb talks a lot about her problems to ma kind of like what I do here, what i used to do in my mind through primary school hoping i was telepathically connected to someone. remember my train adventures. my disease which makes me want to hunt women on train seems much better. i actually unintentionally moved to a room with 4 women and children. pretended to be asleep as I heard them complaining about their exs. one woman's adventures were the most interesting. she said she found out her husband who illegally trades in forex was cheating. so she took 3000$ from his package. went to spend it. the guy reported to police and she told police he was an illegal dealer so the cops told them to solve their own problems. the first time he was caught was when she was told rumours. she took his phone and took pics of his chats. then she told the husband of tge woman. they reported to police and the cheaters both had to pay $800. she was also told how to start the money project she does. then she spoke about how he disappeared . she went him to his work and left the children there a whole day. changing nappies. he also tried the police. i wondered why the coincidence that all of them were in the same room. but the stealing money reminded me of mas maid.
tge trip was very painful . i suspect my health was affected by the spray which i had to endure because of the rain on Friday. in byo i walked to train station intending to pass by but when I rested i struggled to walk. milk seemed a big help and I disposed of the large amounts of mealie, sadza, I cooked my load also became lighter. im sure some people thot me a luny. having to sit after walks. then I dropped mangos in the road crossing. had to pick up. traffic. i never doubted it was just temporary.
so in Harare i don't feel so welcome as usual. i always hope for a sign to make me believe theres an improved relationship but my financial crisis probably worsens things.
as for the maid. like most zimbos she saw how weak the bond between me and ma is so she takes advantage of that just like cozk and auntr.
all this talk about police got me wondering if should report maid to police about my missing flash disks.
6 dec. i was telling merid the other day that Obama is really not black but mixed race. so she was like u see advantage of marrying a white woman. i told her that they are so unapproachable. i hooked up with ab Australian white dude who was hard at hearing we shared a first class the day i went that class. i lost his details now. an it professional. then at the station i chatted with an American tilll a tour guide looked jealous and wanted to be the one talking to him. a teacher. i seem to be having something in common with the dudes i meet.
white women are like Presidents. its rare to find them alone. they look like they travel with bodyguards or relatives or their dudes around. speaking of presidential i wish i had as much immunity as trump. at mas area there are whites all over. the place makes me feel so low class designed for drivers especially. the whole of the capital i tend to see more dudes than women. so I wondered where do white guys get chicks. in fact white chicks are more like royalty. u always feel you are well below tgeir class. i know there was a singles event around valentines. seems some text has disappeared. i never told head but just after i visited ma there he found out he asked how come you get to stay at such an area. so my suspicions that he is a spy increased even tho he claimed to have just seen a receipt the other day we traveled to byo separately yet I bumped into him early. he must be so into tracking just like other spies. i also suspect that the spy agency regard me as an enemy.
an xhwang-r workmate once agreed for me to sleep at her place when I got stuck. i went collecting my id. i thot if this wasn't enemy territory I cou date her. all hw teachers children were class toppers.
i had transport crisis leaving the place. the bus was coming at 6. so I walked. its been too long away so I was shocked when I thought I was kidney sick let me cut a diagonal through the bushes to find an enclosure then someone with dogs shouted hey
I ran then the guy insulted me called me a thief yet he was the one staying in the bush.now I only sleep out.
twice the head tried to transfer me away from here. the first was a fake job offer where I was told that the head is chasing me away. next was when he got an English major made her teach maths. appointed hod and chirchmate to nephew she would argue with me about maths solutions and I always proved correct. a guy who had just come had lots of problems with the head. this assignment was one of them. he strategically rigged the overstaffing stats and at first I was supposed to go to town. then it was primary and I was supposed to be fluent. i told merid they hate me so much they trying to transfer me so much, she said noone hates you you hate yourself. i realized i am alone. to worsen it i take the same transport but drop further so I get to see him all the time. we recalculated and found no overstaffing. so I returned. her class was one of my most promising class I taught in earlier forms. when I taught olevel head used to disturb my lessons said everyone should do maths so I had to pay attention to many uninterested pupils who registered. this hod had only 6 students the lowest I remember. so she had the lightest olevel load. "surprise?" she got 4 passes out of 6. agri has been blowing the trumpet since then. they always try to hide but I always see the favouritism toward nephew agri. so she got married then passed away giving birth. he took another teacher .this is a strategy used by hwhead. he took one of the worst group. the guy would teach everyday after school first 2 terms. then third term he didn't return. problem with his contract. gvt stopped recruiting . the head must have been devastated. i I recommended taking former students the whole group failed of course I did well not to volunteer. all of a sudden the blame was put on me for the 0%
the boy who came to teach was a boy I taught on arrival form 3. he participated well but in tests he did bad, beaten by a quiet boy.form 4 he was tot by a temp . got a D. he went to stay at head's. he asked how many my maths passed said we want to start calling you baba 0%. i told him I wasn't the one teaching. when head also mentioned 0% I knew it's no coincidence. they talk about me at that place. in fact every one close to the head tends to badmouth me.
4 dec9 I hate too much text but idk a lot of short styles. my first adventures on Twitter I couldn't understand many of the texts.. auto correct is completing big words. head once asked if I had Twitter account and I told him. little did I know all my posts were visible. i had used it to look for women and had forgotten about it. the likes of Venus William's no reply at all.i only deleted recently when I went after a zw celebrity who ended up saying she's taken. sth she said made me feel naked I thought she can read these posts dating adventures are good in that they provide evidence if God asks me why I got evidence, v11s,that I tried reaching out.
I am happier than I ever been here maybe I am sadistic.bur many teachers are complaining that feels to me like justice even tho the economy also affects me. the head has been mostly quiet just fighting with other teachers. since round came my place has been roach free. makes me wonder if the roaches that used to be all over were an artificial problem. since I blocked my door bottom rats have also stopped. must be the first term to be totally rat free. so my problem is flies about 2 a week and ants on the edge.
4dec too much to do at the same time. juggling charging, fleeing spray because of mosquitoes, playing radio on phone. anyway, I wanted to say head's have damaged me a lot, remember I had account at zabg which closed left me needing proof of residents and the hwhead gave me a rejected paper. i ended up opening at kingdom which didn't need one. then I was reluctant to leave the bank when I saw warning signs remembering previous time so when I acted it was a bit late. they first said it was change of account number. i gave form to head. next month bank was closing. this head didn't know that trick I opened different bank. then sent form to head. my salary only entered one month to the right account. so in dec I went to offices. they said they had both forms but the older form came last. this was obviously another deliberate mistake.
2017 was the year I got tb. soon after I heard about the military take over.
2018 there was a case of goblins one . the outsider students who came to stay my backside of the house made noises one night a pastor invited and I heard there was clains she was harassed by goblins.
worsening my already bad reputation im sure I was mostly blamed for this. i stated I don't believe in such but to me some people suffer from delusion.
when brob came last year with children auntrh came by and asked his views on the events. he said he was happy he hated tsvang for supporting gays. this guy was doing tsvang policies. i was shocked. my response was the elections will tell I can only judge after. so brob must be enjoying. his niece graduated but now works in za. the only one from her to go straight to uni. bma had a problem with her. she complained that the girl was spreading rumours that she was being mistreated. being made to do all sorts of work like Cinderella. then she got pregnant. couldn't get job so has been down south her child under the woman as ma puts it. "coincidentally " sisa was getting a divorce during this time. according to ma sisah hooked up with a church member. and he was taking the car and neglecting the children. and bma was angry. the fact that after sisa failed they got back together made me suspicious. wasn't the divorce an strategy to not accept a long distance relationship. to make sisa available to Americans.
maybe that's why she wasn't included in the opportunity from sisa to work in usa which sisa failed because of age but cozr who got few olevel passes made it. another mother leaving a child. i suppose the real Cinderellas don't make it just like the real ugly ducklings remain ugly.
one thing I concluded is that its very hard to be a man here. you are expected by society to be the one working. according to ma brob doesn't work. ma is actually hating sisbh for not working and having grown men relatives needing money here. i think its justice because when I wasn't working i was neglected as tho im the worst man there is. she wanted to marry a zimbo expecting better.
ma is disappointed because she used to be of the old fashioned idea that since her daughter is not good at school she should marry and he taken care of. i believe sisbh the finance major trades on the stock market at least. i believe brob does some projects and may earn more than his wife now that salaries are so low. broks exwife mother of his son who is now a father is in uk. brok is another struggler last said staying at his mum's and used to say his son wil go to uk after uni. the boy finished but now brok was pleading to sisb to be the one to assist send the son. he is the only relative i can talk to . of course cozk is doing well thanks to ma assisting him to get that fullhouse for himself.
x
30 nov19. I hardly see auntr and family. my relationship with the couple was really bad for my health. i remember auntr used to tell her mother what my enemies, the head then used to say about me. siding with my enemies. i blame her for failing to get that don bosco job. the way she emotionally fumed that I wouldn't have a place to stay, showed me she can't stand my presence.
then auntrh said he asked if someone wanted a job. i waited anticipating to hear if he had traces of kindness. he finished by saying the person he recommended was cozk. cozk rejected it. of coz he was on his way to being a landlord thanks to my mother.
then auntrh said he will never get me a job. maybe earlier. he had to justify so he said people would say he given relative job. i still went to their place in bulawayo when passing by.
to complete her assertion that she can't stand my presence she played hide and seek with me when I came to see her in bulawayo. one day I came. waited by gate for long time as usual. then after I found all my salary was gone. but what could I do. i wanted to bath. sleep.the last time I went I waited late at the gate. she came said tomorrow they all going to rural areas. no problem coz I always just pass by. next day she drove daughter to school the other to vid. she wasn't going anywhere. so she said that because she thot I might stay longer.
then there was a break in at my place. i had a lot of staff including a new laminating machine from bots. i sent the staff to auntrh who was still in hwange. soon when st work I got a message they are vacating the hwange place. they left my staff locked over 2 years till there was a break in. at first I would use the hotel. but now I am capable of sleeping outside and in hwange also. the poisoned grandma had said I should stay away from her daughters.
after my absence for some time she started suffering from dementia. i was reluctant to see her . i certainly wasn't her favourite person. but auntrh acted like it's the opposite. said I should see her in hospital. when she passed I didn't go to respect her position on not wanting to see me plus head was full of insults evertytime I left. i thot he wanted to use any departure against me. auntrh started spreading the lie that granny especially looked after me yet I didn't attend. obviously trying to poison granny relatives against me.
so I hardly see them at all. i only see then when they come to mum's. ma just naturally rakes the side against me.
the gate is narrow to be on my side, few, if any go that way.
there's too many forces I have to fight against in this world.

1dec as for the round one, the guy seems to get thrills from bad things being said about me. he is also head's right hand man and very popular especially among female teachers and female students. he was a student when I was in hwange but apparently because a student president. so when he was coming mr Pe said the president is coming. on arrival head made sure he increased bad mouthing in his presence
I wondered if the terrorist organisation thot head wasn't doing enough to destroy me so they sent a higher ranked but younger person.
he started by spending so much tym with ms merid I thot she was going to divorce. then the wife of xhod from hwange came and he also wakes around with her. a round wife came and it was the same. he would come into staff room, saw no women then just leave. he had an office, being senior positioned and he used it to suspiciously have female students in. wen head talked about this crisis he said he reckoned older students were a problem that we should not take older students. but actions speak louder, I was removed from form 3 remaining with 1 , 2.
his words can say I should get married but his actions showing he is against it. in 1 headline he had a girlfriend teaching at primary. she found him with a girl slapped him him to the ground his phone cracked. even I heard about it. it's a bit similar to head who was chasing after a wife running a shop. the husband reported to police and he was beaten in public everyone enjoyed.
so agri2 and nasty2 were talking about how bad the guy was. she removed her sister from the area and he was planning to remove his daughters. they said people are afraid to bring their daughter to the school.
he hooked up with a virgin girl . moved to this house. she came back pregnant to stay with him and just given birth. nasty2 says he now ok. does round take my side on status about agri2. no he never takes my side that's his nature he was the one to complain about it. told his buddy , head.
wait till he hears about this. nephew was more appropriate he waited for the student to finish wrong. then took her to stay with him to repeat. got no idea where she was sleeping. but he complained people were talking about him staying with a girl. said next tym he'll take a boy. but here they are married and pregnant.
i hope nasty2 doesn't return. i am not sure but I suspect they sent their female relatives away from me also. though I can never have a relationship. i always notice the boys and consider myself less desirable.
the fact that agri wants to make girls think they can be gold diggers to me always keep my mind aware of the " poisoned lake fishes in ". there was a war recently most teachers want to transfer. head couldn't accept that, so some friction.
don't know where to start. all those writings on MySpace and pictures gone. now it seems yahoo mail is also closed. let me start with now. i can see mist of my enemies are suffering under harsh economy which has not spared me. it's a little difficult to explain why I don't go to church . ?it's my fault I mention God once on my WhatsApp status and told me other guy I don't know what God wants me to do in a world I don't fit now I'm getting all sorts of church talk.
19nov. i have some free time. just ran away from school miss merid made one of those comments I hate. i was asked if salary came replies idk. then she said he is not looking for it. now idk if the bonus is included and its a shame i end up reaching out to guys far away.
the top student has a 2 face system. on one day he can side with me and criticise the way the head treats me. then tyms like last week he says u still want more money. what do you want money for. i also discovered that the closer people are to the head the more bad to come from them.
i now stay with head's right hand man, the popular guy former student of hwsch. after years without electricity they finally decided to pay to connect electricity for him to join me in January.
of coz his affairs with students were tolerated but I know head would have seized the opportunity to to attack me if it was me.he finally settled for the primary teacher's niece. she changed school now she's here as his pregnant wife. many school girls still come to their doorstep and indoors. as for me, I no longer access that side of the building. i locked myself in the kitchen and lost the keys. 29nov19 last year this time I went crazy, posted ad in classified as one last try. I convinced myself that I was going to succeed in sports betting. so I allowed myself to hunt basing on that belief. that's when I realised how old I am. 30 year olds saying I am too old for them. ok I tried the older. they asked if I had children. i replied then they said they are too old. i wondered if some women ever bothered to read profiles. my age and childlessness were clear there.
i got impression women who are young were cery picky because tgey were spoiled for choice. some of them just took numbers without checking profiles. those must be the golddiggers waiting to hear how rich i am. so this online dating universe once again rejected me. I then has a choice of 2. 1 had kids but seemed very understanding. the problem was the many names. on sms she gave me one name and on WhatsApp it was another. her ecocash showed even another name. so I felt there could be a scam. the other was a match. no children a psychology major into stands. I wanted to see her in her Midlands area. the problem was that her WhatsApp spent a long time without being read, one tick sometimes more than a day. i thought if I go there I could get stuck failing to contact her. many blocked me some after seeing my pic. actually i got to meet one in town Jan.she had me walking around. i wondered is this what a relationship is. then she blocked me. my betting was also going bad.
I told the teacher who was my first replacement. until he thought I was joking. he agreed with those who say there are more women. i told him on dating sites y see men almost double or more . church people like to say u got spiritual wife maybe it's true. she must be an angel keeping all these bad away from me.
the Botswana women getting harder. i hunted got ignored. then one kept using the language I don't understand. i stopped. then I felt crazy for one who was a year older. at first she agreed when I said I was coming then all of a sudden she changed. i think there are some people sabotaging my Botswana efforts coz it's worsening. the last one was ok she just was so demanding I stay online chatting and when I failed with job and bad network she said I have a woman here. i even told her I have relatives who can confirm I don't. but that was the end plus I couldn't be seen chatting by my enemies even if network was ok. i am just not used to relationships.
head has quietened his barks. he seems to be waiting for things, economy, to go well so he can start loud barks. this term he has said how many children have u killed. no audience. then he wanted money and threatened to shut down my electricity just before my bday. 2 agri teachers , his nephew and a shona have been disguising attacks as jokes. i suspect the nephew gets into my room. i looked like I was leaving in the morning but forgot something and went back to find him by my door. he pretended to be trying to knock. i didn't buy it. it was too early, too coincidence, the guy is too observant. he sometimes says he noticed my light on at night. i bought eggs put them at my place. but yesterday he was like he wants me to give him money added I am having eggs. so he must have seen my eggs by getting in when I misplaced my keyblocker. I noticed a common denominator when comes to attacks on my finances. nasty2, agri and auntrh are all accounts specialists. they want to do my accounts and act like my finance manager .

2017 December I felt like I suffered from tb. students from other schools had come to write living in the next room. heard a student coughing then I started painful coughs. that's when I started buying herbs and putting keyblocker. i felt like someone was injecting poisoned air into my place. this year I suffered from kidney pains end of first 2 terms and I wondered why. there's a possibility of me being poisoned and the timing was my departure. so when the nephew cries about how he is suffering from the economy deep inside I will be saying God is doing my revenue. the fact that people around here approach me with dollar signs in the eyes is a project initiated by him. i hinted to him twice how unhappy I was that students approach me with dollar signs how some students say they want me to pay them so they get interested in what I teach but he persists. i used to loan him money but I won't be supporting his campaign anymore. i actually call him me too because every time I complain he likes to say me too. i always say I hate the place he says everyone hates it because of economy. my place was broken into I lost a lot he said me too they broke in but didn't steal anything by Grace of God. next time he wants to complain I will say u are the one who will make it by Grace of God just like the break in. so when I am in need Its because God is not on my side but if they in need I suddenly become a God sent.
i have so much to say about each colleague. the agri guy just came here fitting not being aubbortaged then got 100%pass rate. in a lot of ways he is like my twin, everything I am not. from being tall, now he gets all sorts of praise when I get opposite just like twin. after getting praised he comes where I was scheming says this is the guy who says head hates him who schemes like this. i deduced that as head's neighbour there's a lot of talk about me that goes on because I never said that. that was the beginning of his "jokes". i don't have anyone to listen to me so I posted WhatsApp status said good teachers have children who do well remembering his daughter struggled when she was here.i also don't like his church so I mentioned it. so I concluded that the closer people are to the head the more bad to come from them. that model like teacher stayed at the head's never wanted to talk to me at all. i was teaching form 1 and 2 maths. i entered the staff room to hear her talking to others saying those 2 maths are useless that students can just start from form 3. the other teachers didn't argue. that must have been originated from the head. i also think there's something more to the hatred for the soccer team I support. they say it kills fellow teams. my former hod wife once came and she's so talkative and acts like I don't exist except when talking about me. she left. i had more than 5 hods all women the current one wants to transfer just like the previous.
what's unique this year is that 2 bachelor's now married impregnated former students. nephew is one. he wants to tell me I also can.
I was talking to replacement 1 was like why not marry a school leaver. i told him I believe head who says everyone hates me here. the shona agri2's wife also had a boy. ms nasty2 also went and gave birth I don't know sex because I don't care. ms u hate yourself (merid)gave birth last year. I remember how I arrived in hwange most people had daughter's. they started having boys.
I told replacement about nasty but he still says he considers marrying her.
Here is a simple plan, welcome to my life. I remember a song cold ďIF YOU BUY THIS RECORD YOUR LIFE WILL B BETTERĒ, well that is wat happens to me, if ppl socualize with me, it seems their lives will b beter. Not to try and entice ppl to read my thing here, but itís an observation. I once made an observation that peter ndlovuís team in the English 1st division, did wel in attempting to qualify for promotion into the premiership, but always narrowingly failed. But wen peter ndlovu left the club it did not take long for the club to b promoted. I told this 2 a south African, s f, jokingly, saying that Sheffield united will probably be promoted, that was in 2004. now they have won automatic promotion. I should hav started writing this earlier.. my stock market hint is red star. But that I just a guess I liked my maths including the proof by induction. An opportunity for me to talk, thatís nice, I donít like offending all these people around me because I find myself having to say a few things so I am trying to keep quiet. First of all I must say I am frustrated these days at the services you get in Zimbabwe. For instance that hapson guy running a computer clinic in bulawayo, he makes sure a machine is worse than it was before it was handled by him.

What are the highlights of my life? Lets see, when I was a preschool child, I drove my fatherís car. Incredible isnít it, I use to watch my father driving as a kid and wanted to do the same. When I was left alone in the car I saw this as an opportunity, still living in glen Norah then, that probably explains why I was called a genius for the first time by the neighbor. The maths quiz at around 15years of age. Being named a member of the schoolís volleyball team. hearing someone saying that I can also sing apart from being good at school. The best student a the maths Olympiad, and the top student in the class at A level. A lifestyle of living in hotels. I am still single so I will mention my love life.
I have had a lot of embarrassing moments also. Among them dropping my passport in someoneís car in South Africa.
The greatest major disappointment is my family structure.
I also hope to explain in many ways why I am still not married at this age, even though I am not gay, probably because of my good looks.hahaha
My surname is a Malawian surname, so in Zimbabwe there are few singinis around, I am looking for them maybe they are saner than the relatives near me.

Not so impressive is it. I heard about blogging on this site from bbcworldservice, thatís why I am participating on blogging for the first time. In order to understand me well one needs to know a few thing about my past. I m a Zimbabwean, born from an affair my father had with his wifeís sister. But then that was not unusual, my father had the ability to get many women.(I probably have many unknown half brothers and sisters).
April 29, 2006. I am not too eager to encourage youngsters to pursue education. I met an ex classmate of mine from o level. A married woman now and managing director according to the business card she gave me in her fancy pickup. She went on about how I was a mathematician at school and should be prospering. When I told her I was trying to run a business, she was surprised. I told her I was looking for a fon, but hav not herd from her brother she said would contact me on that so I am looking for job, and trying to run a business yet fonless. I am tired of such dead ends, I always seem to get these days. Even my application fot teaching are not being replied. Some say they suspect I wont stay long if given such a low position.
Right now I am working on my java.
I went to church to look for sane people, my relatives all seem insane with greed.yu c I was hit hard by the operaration clean up, I had just erected my cabin and had do destroy it after a short time of living in it, in queensdale. Church did not wek out this neighborhood just yses ndebele language, wich I cant speak, and other churches r far, with my legs as painful as they after overwalking throughout the wik. Many of my relatives on my mothersí side were against the move I made to queensdale becoz there is a grudge going on between my grandma, leading the relatives, and my maís sis who is staying in queensdale. I was still working at a software company there n Harare. To be honest my aunt who is also my former stepmotherís side looked normal, not like this side. My sister sisb1 in englamd started foning me, she she fons me, attempting to persuade me to leave the place saying my staff is being stolen. The gov did the job for her , I found it difficult to find somewhere new to stay, I eventually found an expensive place costing me about 90% of my salary, my small salary from the company which spent the whole year 2005 saying they donít hav any money..Sisb1 and auntr1 suggested I move to auntrís aunt, guant1 in waterfalls. I reluctantly went there, being told propaganda like I will be getting free food, a room etc. after staying ther for a short while I started getting the impression tht my time was up ad I should go. I looked for somewhe affordable to stay but with no luck. Now using ďdownĒ up, early staf at bottom. now in greatz2 0906
glad i hav some space for me. i lyk internet u cant c me. I beliv my tym has finally come..

soon i wil b updatg

03/24/07ok, i'l definitely liv da scul next term. 04/02/07seriously de has 2b bata trade here. i wud suggest usung exercise books insted of dollars.on sik liv .terribol had a hospital visitation.sending me 2 da next stage only 2b sdent bek for incomplete previous stage, & tuk many days 2c da doc.tok bout being a patient.my foot stil filg some pain tho, da skul not lykg my absentism,but da swedebounds wer alredy gone.my celffn reparers also wer teribol.stil lukg 4 notes 2 diy.as 4 chch auction, i wud hv 2 find a way 2 sel da tshirts,toys,etc.4 aussies a power saing tip, liv monitors off wen not watchg da scrin, u can logon wtout lukg.i kno some aussies r formr zimbos.i kno its always lukd lyk me & brob r always copyg each, but da fact dat i m conidering merij doesnt rili change ath, i just was thinkg of xcmffc.i was going 2 say mactioncoach was going 2b hired by foreign club & suggest i take over, but 2 strait losses.. 04/05/07dis inflation has sin me so broke hw wil i get 2 htown.faild 2 get a refernce from met xcmmlm 1 of da most inteligent , nw based in us,ny, he says, but da guy nw merid, always luks lyk trying 2 avoid me, cudnt even giv me an email addre.neva bin such a loner b4, wit lang barrier here. i usually end up tokg 2 myself in a Q coz no1 uses shona.anothr avoider is fbf xcmmsl whose chch, wol, r failg 2 get me a ref.i was srprisd da sweds r not yet bek.tru i'v bin a loner b4, but dis tym ... everywhe i turn ppl want 2 b at war wit me, i m also so broke, let me find xcmfpm & c if i can sel some, hopefuly + items i havent bin returnd by da chch, dats 2 problem chchs nw.does me getg merid min invitg a permanent war, or da psn wil b on my side 4 a change??? sims lyk mma isnt hapy dat i m lukg 4 a job, at da end of da day a MAN has 2 do wat a MAN has 2 do coz he has no excuse 4 not MAN-aging.de r many things dat wrestle 4 our attn lyk da popular wrestling dese days, but a MAN has 2 b a MANager of his resources eg his tym.I hope zombos manage to be peaceful in bots. i saw a name of floml in 1 of da bots pp list coincident i mentiond her in my last .. cud b her child.tryg 2 sel staf and raise $ 4 travelg. sold a bk and album 2 xcmfpm stil got lot of staff. apart from my celf being suspended 1 email acc was closed.wat m i 2 rid frm da chchs, mayb harold kemping is corect. 04/25/07 arrived frm hre.dis tym did not fil verfy welcom.wat m i 2 do in town 2day.so much 4 a conection, i spent so much on an application thinking it was going 2b succesful.wat i noticed in htown bma was extra ruf on me teaming wit sism.but sisa lukd diff,acted lyk a good psn.i shudnt tok 2 ma 2 much, i mentiond wat bma sed bout me takg a drink, & de was rejoicg acros da mma camp, mma fond me bout hw hapy she was i was bek here.sadistic? hapy bout da incident she hed frm ma.dey wer lyk, i wil go elsewhe next tym, whe is dis elsewhe?dats just playg dumb, dey know i cant afford rentg, dey r rili sayg i wont get a job, & sism doesnt mater she's not even doing ath impotant de.it was probably ol pland, so whose da enemy nw? da best case of an in luv situation is ma & sism.da polis wasnt helpful lasttym, but i hope dis tym afm chch wil get chargd.she blindly does watever sism wants. another thing i noticed was da mention of a criminal whose ... complexion, who was de in qd hiring videos on brob's acc.dis is not da 1st tym i m hearing dis descrn & its worrysome.05/09/07saw fbf, nw oferd me a job, nw i worry about if its ful tym, or i get paid after long tym. already skipd skul(pay?).very bad news, of mma comg. worst case is chasing me from her hse.i bet she drims bout makg my lyf hel evry nite.da comon tok around is nw hw things dont balance.i notice brown sims 2 b a fashon color espcly skirts.rili da afm chch is a major hedache.was suposed 2c fbf 2day but he wasnt ther, spends tym in za.not surprisd considerg his wol chch.dis yr has bin da strangest in zim. apart frm tchrs strike de was medical staf strike, exam markers. results came late, no exam fee even bin set.it sims a masn thing, 2 b eager 2 get rid of me, coz ma always going bek 2 da subject of "others r going 2 za".i'l hit her bek wit wat she sed bout zimbos livg under a chch charity, 2 say dey must b da crazy 1s.as 4 mma, who advertised web datg, i'l advertise web da inflation figures must b fake surely, hw can it b <10 000% wen prices hav gone *10 in 3or 4 mths.bred went frm 824 to 9 000 in 2 mths.wit da chch teamg up nw i nid 2 tim wit others, mayb my lawyer their new tactic of denial shud not wek.wit da upcoming 20hr power cuts again its hard 2 plan ahed, wat 2 do nw.of coz fbf claims he is da 1 who tried 2 contact me, but i'l just play along, he's da bos nw.otherwise he probably didnt lyk my fsj tshirt, & he hed bout da scul i wanted 2 transfer 2.m stil kipg my options open, & hav..
6 dec. i was telling merid the other day that Obama is really not black but mixed race. so she was like u see advantage of marrying a white woman. i told her that they are so unapproachable. i hooked up with ab Australian white dude who was hard at hearing we shared a first class the day i went that class. i lost his details now. an it professional. then at the station i chatted with an American tilll a tour guide looked jealous and wanted to be the one talking to him. a teacher. i seem to be having something in common with the dudes i meet.
white women are like Presidents. its rare to find them alone. they look like they travel with bodyguards or relatives or their dudes around. speaking of presidential i wish i had as much immunity as trump. at mas area there are whites all over. the place makes me feel so low class designed for drivers especially. the whole of the capital i tend to see more dudes than women. so I wondered where do white guys get chicks. in fact white chicks are more like royalty. u always feel you are well below tgeir class. i know there was a singles event around valentines. seems some text has disappeared. i never told head but just after i visited ma there he found out he asked how come you get to stay at such an area. so my suspicions that he is a spy increased even tho he claimed to have just seen a receipt the other day we traveled to byo separately yet I bumped into him early. he must be so into tracking just like other spies. i also suspect that the spy agency regard me as an enemy.
03/03/07 did i mention bout floml, the former love of my life> My merid psn status sims 2b losing credibility wit my socialisg wit a certain female at da area. She found out from me, mayb told others. her advice is 4 me 2 get merid. surprise. nojt ol advice is valid 4 me. I remember wen I 1st went to secondary skul. cozd was on bout giants at da skul who wud bully students. thinkg I wud b in troubl.it was da opposite in fact, u c at brek some of da best lukg gels wud come 2 me 2 chat wit me. da giants also hung around wit da pops, so one day da 1 most popular came 2 me and told me 2 tel him if any1 gave me troubl.it was a gud start. de was also a clasmet of mine xcmam who hung round such groups together wit jwflsn dey wer casanovas. in fact de a a rapper almost as cute as xcmam. so dey wanted to pursuade me 2 join xcmam, together we wud hv bin some combination.but i dint c myself being a casanova.so hwflsn was interested in a certain gel, j, was grade 7. but i found j started tokg 2 me, s jwflsn's "frend"(bing neighbors) started tokg 2 me. i overhed jwflsn saying dey wer nw interested in brob and me insted of cozt and jwflsn. mayb jwflsn was angry after dat i neva thot of dat. so dis was hapening wit floml out of site, but i was stil hoping 2 end wit her eventually & neva went far wit dese frendships. da other gels like xcmffc neva came close.wen we wer doing romeo & juliet 4 literature I unpreparedly saw floml wen we wer taken 2 watch a movi version at ghs. jwflsn was ever prepared. Next thing i started hearing dat jwflsn had found some1 special, floml.brob linkd dat 2 a song cold helover by brotherhood... i told him i hated da song i chose anoda song. brob thot i was jelous, didnt iliv she was an xcm. da singer i chose is stil doing wel, i thot he was cold ah kelly, song was heylove. another thing dat dat affected me, was dat every tym i thot i saw some1 flirtg at me, a guy wud appear frm nowhere, and start taking over. i was lyk a gauge probably cozd a few marriages. on da other hand females like xcmffc, floml former friend, neva came close.i saw her in wf a and thot dat she lukd beautiful, she smild at me in da combi, she was wit was dat her son, isnt she merid lyk most xcms. 03/21/07 got stopd by coperz 2day, or mayb crooks pretendg, rili their intelligence is questionable.wat i was drivg at was i find xcms mo approachable, & da ppl i wud consider, mayb i shud start sth. but den again i'm here.im sure i'l b gettg applications frm ppl lyk, halle berry, beyonce, ... me bing da most eligible bachelor :).she wil have 2 hate evil, otherwise i'l b like having the .... as inlaw.i'm not getg younger so its nw or neva, but cant b desperate lyk brob.sism left 4 htwn, but nw da results r out. she faild. apparently its a secret frm da "enemies". i want 2 change church denomination, mayb methodist, or is it bcoz floml was methodist. combis incrisd their fares frm 2000 to 3000 last wik, then 5000 this wik, imagine tryg 2 budget. ideally i wud want 2 spend eth possible after gettg $ & b left wit transpot $. its lyk a race coz salaries just got incrisd, prices run faster so dey overtake salaris even mo.i'v bin searching 4 washnwear, apart frm saving hasle, its a way 2 save on electr.solar is a gud investment also.ppl sim 2 b getg jobs in za 1 way or da other.if i cud i want 2 visit ghana 1 of dese days da 1st country 2 gain independance.bots ok too 18 apr m in hre at da moment. things not moving as expected.
01/05/07 my flash disk is baggerdup. sims wit sism its an exception wen it comes 2 going 2 going 2 da enmy camp. isechd 4 software here but in vain.prices r incrising so fast, combis want 2 charge $1000.about 2 go now. its strange hw me& brob came out 2b goodi goodis, while brot & brol pair came out 2b mo worldly/strit wise. reminds me of da tym pa sed da advantage of many children is if u mek a mistek u get 2nd chance. i wonder sts hw i changed so much, its lyk i was given some strong portion. mayb da tym i started seeing things, lyk brob used 2 turn 2 2 face sts.so much 4 rewritable disks, i only write on a rw 4 about 3 tyms, only. so hw can i send dis blog nw. mma sent a leta 2 threten qd ppl,so sism is witnesg dem going 4 prayers,etc. sism nw has sisbh indirectly under her. ppl whose intentions r 2 support ma, end p wit most $ goiing 2 sism.i nko she wants 2 cam bek, she only does wat she wants here.i rily shud find me a new chch & a new job.dis is planet eth not heven is my latest comon expresion.its tru mayb if dis was heven i wud want 2 get merid.but at da skul was geting close 2 s.o. (discipline & language no credible sylabus,textbook r major problems) but logic crips into my mind , hv bin doing wel wiout any1, isnt it a suicidal invitation for hiv since da rate is 20% 4 females,insted of relyg on me i wud also nid 2 rely on s.o. else. still got lot of non wekg stafaround me, if i cud len electronics dat wud help.if only bata trade was possible here, but i hv staf ppl dont want.ges wat felo tchrs invited me 2 watch .....

12/12/06 m on a mision 2 upgrade my tch salary. da war wit sism who's on a mission 4 my money pretending she wants $ 4 ma, but ma spends ol $ on her wen dey come from town she comes wit pies/chips. by da way i nw hv a bro in law, but dont sim 2b close, he's on sism's side. she got ol around her finger not surprising she says its nice 2b her.she's in ctrl of ma, & these few days i'v bin here she made attaks like mn doesnt nid $,mn lovs wokg,wen i sed brob always ens mo $ dan me here, hed dat at list he is lukg 4 a wife, wich is a contradictory stmt.at list cozg is coming wit cozr chance 4 me 2 hv some sanity around.of dey r from enemy camp so mma ... dis after coming from ndex tchrs & kids, & greedy head.
i'm no indiana jones. I always thot i wud be a champion of the nidy, now i'm mo lyk a nidy.
12/12/06 m old but younger dan jay z.m on a mision 2 upgrade my tch salary. da war wit sism who's on a mission 4 my money pretending she wants $ 4 ma, but ma spends ol $ on her wen dey come from town she comes wit pies/chips. by da way i nw hv a bro in law, but dont sim 2b close, he's on sism's side. she got ol around her finger not surprising she says its nice 2b her.she's in ctrl of ma, & these few days i'v bin here she made attaks like mn doesnt nid $,mn lovs wokg,wen i sed brobalways ens mo $ dan me here, hed dat at list he is lukg 4 a wife, wich is a contradictory stmt.at list cozg is coming wit cozr chance 4 me 2 hv some sanity around.of dey r from enemy camp so mma ... dis after coming from ndex tchrs & kids, & greedy head.weding crazy byo ran out of certificates, i find it hard 2 biliv ppl want 2 get merid. It must b da presents, some1 is giving away presents surely.


PLEASE PUT LOGIN ON TOP SOTW

I really nid a flash drive, mine died on me, da gads at hyper sechd me til i dropd it. no1 replying 2 my ads so far. ok i c there wer some few hits so.... I was wearing da fsg tshirt resently.i hate 2b going back 2 dat skul. seems sept is now doing wel as a gardener, probably got it from da cols i redirected to him coz dey wer in hre. da swedes mite exchange ssome tchrs this term, but y choose gels only.damn my email i linkd 2 dis blog. I wish da best to my relatives, dont hv $ 2 contact many ppl but I hope dey r ok.
These days I hav a power saving method whereby da monitor is off wen I donít nid 2c.i hv designd a pakage dat acts like a dbase for auntrh, he beta not hv bin wasting my tym, got other offers to consider. Sism da dadancing queen, I missing fon cols.a lot of foreigners use da new net cafť. If it wasnít for da fellowship bit, church wud not b a problem 4 me, many a times I hv wanted 2 liv church altogether bcoz of it, I get bombarded with preaching bout it too often. Dis church is really getting on my nerves, hw long wil they take with my staf b4 selling dem. Da gift has ended, power cuts hv returnd.08/11/06finally got my $ bek. Nw da dota sismís age wants 2 use my pc, I hadnít thot of dis, but I use it only at nite so it cant. I was curious 2c wat o level computer study is like.hope sheís not as crazy as sism who was crying 4 mbf, she had paasd over an emel adrsleft from him 2 sisb which has a ďslashĒ. Den she was crying 2 fon da radio dj, I just say y donít she marry da guy so she can here and tok to him ol da time.she also turns off da radio wen an old song is being playd, thnk God I hv my own. Lucky for brob, he doesnít like music, so his 20 yr old wont b a problem. I donít understand youngsters songs like eternal flame never appeal 2 dem until they r redone exactly da same way. It seems mo like being fashionable. I had mispland my wik, wanted 2 go 2 da cafť moro/2day.but itís a holiday. Metrofm music is too sexy.iím sure za gets mo rain dan here. Sims sism has stomach problems, I saw a bottle of fanta , it reminded me dat in India dey hv suspended selling soft drinks bcoz de is a high lvl of insecticide found.i already mentiond dis.i got indigestion bout 10 yrs bek afta I drank coke, since den I prefer other drinks, like fanta.at fsj we got drinks for free. Da mrs elsn is 2 hv a psn to lecture me bout bots, but it sims I nid much more $ than I hv. . I m msurprisedby da # of foreigners dat cafť gets.,08/12/06is 2 day. I found out it was da younger son, mr ylsn who wants to learn about pcs, still wil hv 2 charge him, I donít use my pc during daylight, I didnít want 2 go 2 town, thinking it was a holiday, but I went 2 da cafť and bot such a ssmall time I only got 2 da compose screen,and I was about 2 enter another bog.gues wat I found in sismís room wen she was ill.i wudnt b surprised if sism falls ill during exam time. She is surprised dat she Ďs neva seen me ill. These past 10 yrs, my occurrences of serious doctor requiring illnesses hv not exceeded 3. maybe even none.An audio tape, I bot wen things wer going wel 4 me.its amazing hw I m stil getting responses 2 da penpal thing, zmians r so friendly, , I saw cpa 2day, we wer approaching each other , ther was a shop in betwin, I knew he wud turn in ther b4 reaching near me.i ended up lafing at him, running from me like dat, & heís a copper. Iím beginning 2 think its some guilty conscious. On país funeral de was witchdoctor hired top perform some ceremony. De was like da moment wen some sounds cud b hed on da roof and dey sed it was país ghost, wokg on da roof. Da crazy webhead, made it big 2 yrs ago, in reality we hv to make it by faith. Masny r wondering hw da british discovered da terror plot, do dey hv invisible spies,ha ha ha. July finishd without any spices not even mcormicks.those spices r so long and thin, but ok. Damn da electr got me. It seems I am to watch out for satday monings. By da way I am definitely not, or ever wil b, gay or suicidal. Just watchd a movie whe a man married a spoild . and almost committed suicide. If I was suicidal I wud hv committed suicide long bek. Coz from wat I know bout depression, it seems to b a lot like da normal state for me. Da female resembles sism, but she says sheíl Ďrespectí, mayb she saves her respect for da guy.i found an aussi pen I hav been missing whe she was sitting. Makes me think nw dat mayb she is da sticky fingers responsible even for da times things used 2 go missing at qd, whe bma was blamed.of coz no building at church, or even youth I m stil Ďsulkingí over da auction delay. Sisb sounds like sheís stil hving a laf. She said she can pay for my lobola, its like saying I can pay for yo jet fuel. I question da wisdom of my telling every1 including mma bout my intentions 2 move 2 hre. These ppl always seem to want to bloc such. Mayb dats wat auntrh is up to. Ok dis site must b popular wit students, I hope dey kip it safe from pedophiles . visiting ppl in isolated areas should b avoided, especially alone, or EVEN GIVING ADRESES. Just thot to mention dat. I nid 2 get da msg 2 da lsn guy 4 his lessons, weíl do qbasic. Ppl like dos environments. I think wen I was trying 2 sel software I designd here like da dispensary dey already had a package dey had seen in mind, and wanted me 2b mo like reselling sth I bot. 08/14/06didnt go 2 chch altogether. Nw m helping zmian penpal student with school wek, and I even hv a female responding ,sh probably got job in za afta noting my num.gelz just wana hv funds.these days I fil sickish.get dis, da excuse 4 auntrh for not coming is dat dey r waiting 4 some1 2 die, dey hd wanted 2 come 4 his funeral, den y not I come by train? I donít buy it mayb dey r waiting 4 me 2 die.got 3 zm penpals & my air tym has bin squandered so quick,only a wik. Ma and sism hv bin up 2 tricks since I came here. I can c sheís popular ppl always come luking 4 her. Most of dem , like da same age female yflsn, who stil comes despite dat fon incident, but she lukes likes she avoids me.i kno ppl can tel I can fite, dats y some r afraid.ma thinks by saying da fact dat its mainly boys dat by saying its ppl from chch convinces me of innocence. Anyeway I can c her sticky finger character, in dat she cries 2 ma 2 lie 2 some of dem especially yflsn dat she cant c dem. I reckon she borrows staff and doesnít want 2 return. As 4 yflsn, sheís da wrong sex. And not of her class. Doesnít make up like she does. Dese days wiout mbf she daoes make exceptions.like I sed b4 my taking charge of here is like a sweeper who nids a job, taking charge of Microsoft. No 1 has cold since I made my decision, I wil put another ad for ďgarden boyĒ, liv my difcult garden. I shud concetrate on such, 4get bout my qualifications 4 a wile. its unacceptable dat 1 oenpal has not yet bin told dat I nid a job. Dis 1 has no email, so next tym I juice my fonÖits suspicious hw my fon ran out so fast, 200 finishd wit a few sms.Iím even ashamed of my realistic situaion.dis blog is also not earning me. Gues wich team is 2nd on da psl. .08/18/06 tday posting dis.if I held grudges like most, I cud hv died alone in da streets. Hed auntrh hasbin 2 da funeral, pasd byo & returnd.it sims dey bite their thumb at me. i kno I usually say marriage freaks, but lately Iív bin saying married freaks. Must b like a 2 headed monster, cant mek up its mind. Tok bout a freak show.Dey must b hapy I m not going bots, but I surprisingly hvnít got a col 4 da garden job, so..i m trying 2 use dis blender software. Cc winans is in za but lukes sold almost out.wit me out of etym its harder 2 communicate to pps, Iím wanting 2 stop.
06/04/06finally I am through with the church bible quiz, now I have lots of free time, THERE IS STILL THE TROUBLESOME AUCTION CENTRE WHO STILL donít put my staff on their auction floors. I have to prepare for church today, there is this shoe polishing and car washing, I hope we get to keep the money kingdom did not give me troubles at least coz I got the chq on Friday. I am finding it hard to get bek to my previous form b4 the studying let me watch some TV for a change... *********
05/29/06 world cup prediction from me is France. Wimbledon wont be so popular this year. Just hearing ma talking to auntr why is it I always hear her answering that I am around. Would they talk their secrets wen I was not? This is y I end I taking a back seat a lot I donít like half-baked cakes. I changed my timetable I no longer go to town on Mondays.

I did go to church y*day. Be4 going ther I told ma that da bible says you should test God, and judge a tree from its fruits, so I wanted to see fruits. I registered 4 a quiz comp for Saturday festival to be held there, I was the only one I noticed for dat event, most youths registered for dancing. You can imagine I am now studying a lot of scriptures. I am thinking of going further, doing a website for the church, and advertising. Any ways I regarded the opportunity I received through the phone to apply as a sign from the big guy. Hear the word shows on tele, it advertises my former software company.
Ma spent most of last week worried about sism1, apparently she has no jersey. Complaining auntr is now demanding all sorts of moniz 4 sism1. yet this was her idea, she actually believes sim1 could hav gone for modeling.
I thought I had an opportunity for an office in town, but wen I came to pay rent the person I spoke to earlier wasnít there and the person who was there said there was no vacant place. I havenít been guaranteed anth so I will equally go after all possibilities. It seems now sisb1 must be in need financially, coz it seems she is now taking my cries for help seriously, he actually did do the search for jobs for me on da net. But she still seems reluctant to check my mail. The guy in bostw no longer replies ath I send him. I once thot he wrote a message to hotmail which went to junk, then auto deleted.

06/01/06 damn the bible is harder than it seems. Should have gone for the eating comp, my message to the guy is failing to get thru. Like I thought, the complaint I made to consumer council did not seem to work, I have been told to come on Friday by the auction. And the stockbrokers are up to their usual, the come after xx days.

I canít help wondering if brok arranged for his kids to be adopted to the US. That does not surprise me at all.he says he sent his wife and kids to their rural areas.
When I first arrived at the former software company I wekd, I did not really blend in. I wekd very hard, maybe too hard, I was nicknamed 2 shoes by one of the sap guys. I later saw on a shared computer that some1 has been researching bout Satanism. Wen I went to a customer with some1, I noticed the so cold genius of the company did not know about union joins in databases., I showed him. Then I noticed every1 gathered on a pc, I went over to c wat was attracting all those guys, only to c that they were browsing porn on the net. I just went away. Even guys who col themselves Christians viewed porn, it made me wonder maybe I am the abnormal one, who doesnít like porn. Now they r being associated with Christianity on tv.
Speaking of Christianity, I got another col from Harare from an employment agency. I donít remember registering with such an agency, in fact never heard its name. But the name of the guy I spoke to was similar to the guy who had me weking for nth for bout 2 months here at the doctor by the shopping center, who decided he no longer wants the dispensary software wen I was finishing. Wat a waste, the guy was introduced to me by sism1, wen I wanted my pc p3, fixd. I was so broke then, I had to design on site using access. Otherwise I could be returning to Harare soon. That was a main worry I had bout moving to byo, there are just no jobs.but ppl like auntr think of wat they hav done and think itís the same. At least if I fail the quiz, make a fool of myself, I can
Actually I am in a predicament at the moment. Last wik I got a place to rentin town. T first I wanted to open a video club. Now I want to sell the staff. The problem is I have about 3 million left, which is the amount of money for rent. I want to sell the fons I bot from brob, who had wanted to open a fon shop but changed his mind, in fact got broke. In fact brob has always been asking me for money, he gave excuses saying he pays tithes and offerings to church, he wanted to marry a certain gel at church, bma took most of his money after pay and that he would return. Then the inflation got to these high levels, I had to charge some interest on him. I charged interest much less than inflation but brob complaind said it was too much. Then he used the tactic of telling ppl, he has an ability to win ppl. Reminds me of wen we were kids, and I would draw sth, then brob also,but ppl like sisb would go and admire brobís wek. Maybe I thot I was good but was really bad. Indeed I got widespread condemnation, from all, bma, sept(uncles),even ma. I could understand they wanted me to lend a 2000 wen it has value, enuf to buy a shoe, and get it back wen its worth a shoelace like I was the rich 1. yet brob got loans from his wek place unlike me at the stupid company. It really botherd me that ma also supported brob, after all most of my money went to her.it was like me being labeled a bully all over again. My response was not to give him money at all the next time he came. Until I decided that he should sel me some of his items. Man I wish I had some1 like that at the moment. Brob at first refused and went and sold some of his staff to others. Then eventually came bek, by that time I was really living on low income, having to walk sometimes. Brob quoted these high prices I remember the fons, he wanted me to buy for 100g each, then I said look, there was a fon on display costing 60g different from his. He got into this mood, upset, said that was the price he bot it, definitely not true, I hated that, the lies. So I got tough on him, I wanted them for only 30g, he woukd refuse and say he no longer wants to sell them dat I wanted to take advantage of him, a real good actor brob. I later found a shop selling da fons for only 22g, the exact type. He came bek to me and said its bcoz he was desperate. I told him of my discovery, and got them for 15g.he told his mummy, and b,ma said she heard that I was buying items for a low from nim. But it did not threaten me. I said no 1 was forcing him, he cud sel to some else it was too cheap. It was like helping him but being at war with him at the same time. Now the burden is on me and I am alone, I have to resort to these stupid auctions.

I have camera negatives, wedding rings, fons, razor blades, a printer I got from brob, (never got it weking),the p3 which no longer detects hard drive, the p1 which does detects hard drive I got from brob, I never knew that, the movies,etc.
06/06/0606/12/06wat a 2 weeks dat has just gone. Today I have finally decided to sit for a change and spend the dy without walking. .it started on Friday wen I went to town, on Saturday I went to church youth, for the quiz, and on Sunday I was back at church, but I was the only1 stil wearing previous day clothes, so did not stay after church, alomsot every1 stayed behind. On Monday I was supposed to meet the owner of the auction, but was not there I left my number, ma wanted to meet me she said by cabs bank. I circled around most of the cabs banks and could not find her, she was anticipating money from sisb in her account so I can deposit into auntr for sism1ís jersey. Wen I came bek she was here and she said de money wasnít there yet. On Tuesday she askd for the same meeting but I had to check my mail. I also went to the consumer council to make my complaint, and the guy who was there said I probably had to pay a joing fee of 400g. so I texted my former classmate here the MD, and this time she replied said I had to go to the police. On Wednesday I was off to Harare by train some1 cold me for an interview. It was auntr who sent an application for me at her work place , a trainee zimra official, it was for under 30s, I thot I wasnít getting a reply, but I was wanted on Friday at allan Wilson school. So
I went to the train it was only 460g. Of course I had to struggle to accept risking so much, it came down to my love for competitions, the fact that I am expecting a miracle, and the low train fair. It was going to be a test, coz I was askd to bring pen, pencil rubber, ruler. The train was so full, some ppl ended up sitting on da floor. Of coz these days I wear a cap which I got from my pals from aussie, hey just heard Australia won their 1st match at da world cup, anyway, I printed my software company on it. So I arrived on Thursday, and I was so hungry. I was at qd in da afternoon, saw cozr1 (coza2), eating food after food, I ended up saving my energy remaining static. Had been playing with the child, coza1ís son . Later at nite, wen sisa1, came I was finally given dinner. Of coz sept had seen me earlier and he just passd. On Friday I went for da interview, and wow, there were so many ppl, probably 500, inside there was another group, how many ppl are they looking for. I askd some fellow pll, said it was English and maths. Was supposed to start at 11 but ended up going in late and starting around 1300. the tests were not wat I expected, they were very simple, only too many for the time, especially having to read. I noticed some ppl cheating they do it b4 and after the time limit. Wen the guy says stop. It was about 6 of them. On satday I stayed home til time to go to the train. This time it was worse, I was one of the last to sit. It got so full. By the way I brot 4 of my dvds to qd. 2day is Monday there mite b a power cut so Iím off.06/13/06 whe was I, anyway we was told to fon at 1000, I hav already fond several times they keep postponing the time. Now I was supposed to fon at 12 but its now 13. of going straight to the police I want to write a letter first, to the king.06/14/06by the way I came bek to find ma had wekd the yard, but she is ill, is she suicidal, thatís how she got to hospiutl last time.she had said she was improving , but she doesnít luke it, she later told sisb dat she mite want to go to the doc.06/24/06 arrived from qdale y*day.i wouldv wantecd to watch the germ swede match but mma and ma started going on bout how I used to col bma , my mother wen I was young , I would disregard it as a joke if not for the treatment I get. Dey were talking bout some1 else wen I came up, insteadng by saying I must have been fed well by my mother in qdale. Indeed I was getting breakfast and supper wen In qdale. I wud not have gone to hre for da 2nd interview test, coz I could not get thru the day I was supposed to fon them to find out whether I was successful the first round. It was weday wen I found out I was successful and needed to go on Thursday morn for the next test. So it meant I needed to travel by bus coz a train on average arrives at 0930. I was preparing to move into the rent vacancy which was still available. Instead I chose to go to hre, listening to auntr always proving disastrous. I did tel her I wanted to renmt but she sees from her point of view, like we are the same, she said at least with a job a salary will always be coming, but my worry was the risk involved like wat hapend.
At least I refused to sponsor myself for such a thing, at 1st ma said if I donít want I sudnot.. but she thot aloud that auntr wud say dat she should give me da money so eventually gave me 3milli for da transport.06/26/06 these days ther is food around here, maybe its bcoz I was being fed in qd, so they thot to compete. Donít mind the competition.i wonde if it wud be different if mma wasnít there. It cud be bcoz I won some money 4 auntr da net coz even if it was her money it wudnot be reaching me. I dey r considering selling dis hse& buying another. They r going to view a potential destination, dis place has problem with leaking sewage I also hear of possibilities of investing o da stock market (probably imitating me, seeing I m clever).another imitatation like stance I see is dat I hear kids r now being encouraged to do sports, even sism. Cozk who was being bannd from rugby must be so happy now. She doesnít show as much anger, but she still hides ,locks food in the cupboards. Hed that she will go bak to England on da 2nd. Wen I was at qd, I actually initiated discussion bout my luv life, strange hey. Sept was on the offensive bout brobís plan to get married. He was saying brob was luking for a weking wife specifically, unlike here were dey say itís too short a time dating. Ithots of ppl making senseless pushes on me to marry ran thru my head. Of coz wat I did was equate myself to brob. Saying I hav always found it hard to support myself, wat bout da superman, sept says a man shud b b4 he marries, who sys da wife shud not wek at all but stay at home to mek babies. It really all goes bek to da fact dat wen somth is bad to me ppl close their eyes, but if its some1 else they r so understanding. I also took da ooportunity to attack auntr 4 also saying I shud marry despite not being employed. De is a download I am planning at da cafť, last time I left a certain guy with glasses on a machine I had used, explaining to let it con inue loading in da background. I cud not find the software. Last Friday I went to da police, dey told me to warn da auction 1st. just did dat, told me 2 come collect my staff. I also fond brob bout my plans to get a job in bots, sth might come up de. I want 2 go b4 da train fares r increased.i actually long fo jobs like domestic wek, I rememer in da old dys we had gardeners from Mozambique coming to wek in zim., now tis vice versa, I wud luv to wek as a gardener in Mozambique, but hav no means.******06/29/06 I hav been askd to go to town today. I wasnít planning to, dey told me at da last minute last night, now I have to start preparing.food around has been disappearing. Apparently with the new found wealth of auntr, she was on her way to giving sept some money. They always treat him like a normal human, in fact mma goes on complaining of how brob is in a bigger room than sept, he probably doesnít want dat big room. Now they were feelng pitty of him being separate from bma, having to cook for hi,mself, and buy his own food. I donít see wat da problem is he gets money from da lodgers de. Oh ya, I nid to free some space on my flash to collect da download, lst time da pcs were down. Really da paying of da fon bill should be for 2moro. I could be inserting my blog 2day. Ya, I finally got my little money for da iron and films from da auction, and dey returnd da useless tapes and answering macxhine after threatening me dat dey sent my letter to da police, and I shud never return de, as tho I was da guilty 1. 06/30/06last time I wrote I went to da cafť and managed to create a blog. I needed 3 frames for 10 pages. Unfortunately the last frame went in between the first and second frame. at least I will see after 2 days of cross examinaton from the managers.i was sent to buy biscuits and put together with drink for cozk who apparently did well at school,. Cozc wont like dat. I actually was given transport money, dats da money I used for da internet, I wokd and came so late. I was supposed to pay for da fon but I will pay 2day, ma almost wanted to go by herself. She is is putting on a brave face pretending to be good to me like mma. I saw an ad for actors wanted but ma was quick to wish for sism to be around so she cud try out. Not sure I can act like I m crying. Probably there will be thousands of job seekers there, hope its not for ndebele language. Of coz I said I was intending to go. I fear sept cud be coming specially since he is said to be receiving money soon. Still not all is rosy between me and mma. She is still threatening to burn some of my staff she says is too many. I will consider giving, r auctioning them to the church.07/01/06right I want to go for da acting auditions. Mma has been preparing to go da past days, she woke up early and is already guarding her teritiry, da kitchen. Since she came I havenít been able to cook for myself, sheís always alert. If I want to go in the mid of da nite I hear her coming. She has wat r u doing in my kitchen written all over her. Right I m going to da kitchen. Have bout 1 hour left leaving at 7.iím not taking this seriously, coz of da negatives. 07/03/06 damn I hav so much to do in such little time. I went to da studios for auditions on satuday, ppl there were fwer than zimra. Any ways I hav been using sismís fon since mine went blank wen I came bek from htown. Ma is not too happy bout this. Da fon which auntrh gave me wen he took sism. Wen I lieav she is especially in a nagging mood, dats wat she said wen I went to studio, dat I shud leav it , it could get stolen. Of coz , I hav got this attitude, listening to ppl has proven to be disastrous to me. I hav stopd using da line.ma said it costs too much $ for me to use it. She thinks I donít kno of wat I hed last time, ma talking to sism bout list of ppl to fon on behalf of sism. Dats why da bill I paid was so much. Another ignoring person is mma, wen she was against my colling brob, bout arrangements 4 job in bots. Not 4getting auntr, who is opposed to my plans to go to bots, despite being the most vocal bout beng dissatisfied with my presence here. She claims bots are violent to zmbos, gave reference to Monday newspaper article bout zmbo who died after his eyes were plucked out, and arms removed in bots.well wat I can say is de is no place whe I am wanted ayway. Mma wantedme to cook porridge for ma also b4 I left for studio, but I kno beta, I hav askd to cook 4 ma and she keeps refusing my cooking, she rather cook 4 herself, like today at da studio it was as I expected, dey wanted a funny person to act a comedy, guess Iím not a funny person.. tom hanks was my best avtor, now dat da davinchi code has been created, I have to change. Considering dat we r so broke ma complains bout da fon bill, and da fact dat wen I came from htown, I found more taps failing to close properly, and also dat de r seeds available here I have changed a few things here. Ma usually doesnít close de kitchen tap properly, so I hav put a bucket to collect da water instead of draining it away. She is not happy with dat. I also mek sure I close da tub coz da tap there doesnít close, yesterday I collected a lot of water overnite. Lastly I planted carrots and onions. Da water which I collect I hav been watering around da whole of today. Rite electricity has just returnd. Like I was saying on Sunday ma waited da whole day 4 auntrh to return, she had prepared a bag full of clothes, I think, to sent to sism. Coz he had left his fuel here saying heís coming bek for it moro, it seems. Of coz wen I tried to predict he might not be coming on Sunday round 4pm, ma refusd 2 believe dat, maybe she was just eager for her sism to get staff. But history like I always say teaches us things, da way auntrh likes coming unannounced as ho he hopes to catch some1 in da act of sth. Seems I was right my download was no complete. Its luking like I will be going to htown, despite beng given copies of cv, which I found after mma left, I returnd from auditions. Of coz it was good 2 contact brob wile ma was away. I m sensing some forces coming bek to try and run my life again, ma was saying I shud not consider going to qd so dat I can wek in htown, coz I wont b able to pay rent, da reason she gave was sept who she says has stated drinking again. To tel da truth I was surprised hearing dis from ma I thot her plan was to frustrate me so I leav here early, and sism can be sent here , long b4 skul closes bcoz ma will b alone. Brob wants me to take over his lecturing jobs, he is resigning donít know where he has found a job. I have made mistakes , to many, to turn down job offers, oonly to regret later. So I want to take da job, den I can resign wen, if , I get a bots job, if brob is going de, at least I will hav a contact if I am to go, and also I need to raise some cash enuf for me ther in bots. Dis fon is another problem, I m planning dat if I go to htown, I take it with me. Now bcoz sisb said she wud send me a lot of fons, I will say they can hav da fons wen dey arrive, she mentuiond it long bek now. I hav put an ad by Bellevue, looking for club members, want to form a club for competition entries, just like da time I ad dat I was teaching for free no one responded so far, I did mention itís a free club. Mayb I shud hav put it on da web.mayb ma wants me around so I can b a Scapegoat with da fon bill,etc.i m worried bout leaving my staff here wqen I go to da forbidden area, I m gathering items I want to be auctioned at church.now ma is running around looking 4 autnrís account, I bet she wants to send some money for sism,she Ďs tolking to sisb rite now. Now dis job dat brob is leaving, he made a big impression on every1 dat he doesnít get much money from it. June has left with da cold, its quite warm dese days. I hed a mention of a fon to b sent to me. I wont believe it unless I c it. 07/07/06my goodness there really r improvements here day b4 yday I was given a million, for transport. Last week wen I was going to town I was given transport money but I was being sent to buy sth. It was bout 200g, trans has been increased to 100g now. Of coz I wokd and decided to use it for da net. I posted my blog last time want to check and c if it wasnít bannd like yahoo did donít know why , dey shud just black out unwanted text. I bot a juice card for my fon. I hed good news 4 sisb yday, but she doesnít seem to want to visit mma.or even auntc, some friction seem to have occurred, maybe she was unhappy for her not coming to babysit. I believe my time has come. By the way its only 10000 characters per frame. . ++++++++++++right wat a day, I did go to the cafť, while holding a place in da bank q, dat bank for auntr is so long, was putting $ to be for sism. dis spoild my party, coz wen I finishd I wanted to close browser windows wen the attendant got angry at me , she complaid dat its not allowd, and started going on in ndebele. I had left a down loiad I hopd woulkd continue in da background. Dis is da cfe I always use bcoz its da cheapest. Now I thot she said she was banning me from coming again, I wud have to ignore dat I need my download, most cafes donít have usb ports. Of coz I said I wont come back but I was just angry, dis is da woman I thot was mature, unlike the younger female who used to comlain a lot in ndebele despite knowing dat I cant speak it. Of coz after I use a pc, and it closes a session b4 I log out of my emails,etc, I am able to close windows by using da task bar, which can b activated with da windows button, and using da right click. I was near da attendant wen I did dis, and I think it unfair for her to ban me without warning after all dis time being a very regular customer. Da comfort I hav is knowing I am leaving byo soonand it will be a relief to rid of this language handicap. Why r ppl like dis everywhe I went in htown it was like dat, so frustrating dats y at ver I used to hav a walkman all the time. Da same ppl come 2 me and ask y I am not married. Apparently sism will be getting books. I bet she will be given to buy for herself.

Now sisb is said to be bitter to bma coz of da time she was accused of stealing money from mmaís room wen she was stil in qd. I remember wat hapend then, spet was drunk and mma saids it was sisb who stole, and sept hit her, and wanted to continue. I actually went in between to protect her and askd him to stop. Now I was on da other side with her telling me all dese lies while probably lauhing wen mma was still in uk. She probably was not following me but I advised her to stay away from zimbos in uk, judging from my history with fellow countryman, now she found her boyfriend, probably just a coincident. I saw a gel walking round a corner with a few roses. I thot she lukd like she was waiting for a blind date. I could hav been smart and gone to her and said are these for me they r lovely. Ppl now prdict france 4 da world cup after beating brazil. if I am accepted I will be da 1st zim blog on da site. I kno I rechargd my fon, but it cud not dial da recharg number, so I used sms. But I still cant dial, I can only sms. I sent brob a test msg asking for potential club members, but he hasnít replied. I wonder wen is da best time to contact him bout jobs. After all da time I hav been helpful to brob its good to kno he can return da favor. Lecturing, I shud be able to do dat, I often helpd him with with his subjects too.
Like I said I want to receive miracles so I m weking hard for dat , a lot of prayers, dis is impossible for wimps, dey always luke 4 dee easy way, like drugs.beta sleep now.
07/12/06 cant sleep its 4 now. I kno I named m,yself itperson, but dat does not mean Italian person. In fact I wasnít happy wen de itas ousted de aussies, den de French who wer my prediction. It seems zidane wants 2 b a ďmighty bullĒ. On frday I saw an xschoolmate, talking bout a chess league. Reminded me of brol, who used to b a grasndmaster, together with dat guy. I also used to come to their club in the streets I wasnít too much interested in chess. Tday my fon was fixd, or was it. Its gotten blank again, no signs of power. It lived up to my expectation dat it was a temporary fon.i wanted to go to da cafť, but da woman was de again, didnít want to make a scene. All I want is my file. Of coz ma iis da one who had my fon ďfixdĒ, I had to go with her tday coz de was no signal. Donít think I will return to them coz dey kild one of my keys, den chargd for fixing it. I got thru to da easier radio competition, but I still got 9 wen 10 wer required. Tday I want to visit da cafť nearby. Wen I told ma bout da cafť incident, we went on a heated argument bout me learning ndebele. I donít like replies like u shud learn ndeb. Especially wen I m angry. You kno wat, I think I will just repay brob with his printer. I never got it weking, so he probably can. 07/14/06 I did go to da cafť where da person who had ďbannedĒ me was serving, and we went on as normal. My download was only about 60%. I also want to put a guestbk. At least dats higher dan last time. I noticed my blog was approved and had 19 hits already, dat was fast. But I thot I saw 2 frames instead of 3. maybe one frame ws not allowed, or my mistake. I got to be more discreet, or charge just like big brother earns ha ha , but I think once viewd ppl get turnd off seeing so much text. Wen paying da rates , I found da place whe a same surname was said to be weking., hed frm da school which was luking for a graduate comp. Sc. But not me, and also da stock broking psn. Pa had antagonized most of his relatives wen he was passing away. He believed dey were bewitching him, as tho I did not already know da elatives dey all disappeared after da funeral, which dey were not even invited as instructed to da eldest, sisa2. pac is probably still bitter bout dat also. my surname is rare in dis country, probably popular in malw.apparently she is no longer there, but names I was told sounded familiar, so I left my details. I traveld by zupco, so I remembered dat I hav never traveld by comuter train, sth I must do, to see wat its like, its also cheaper dan zupco(bus) . da power blackouts hav staerted again, at least my timing is ok. I did get a col from an employment agency, which has been coling me a lot recently, dey seem confident my posn shud be an IT manager, cos dats da psn dey col me about, but none seem to b successful so far. I believe we r all managers, we manage our resources, our money, time, bodies,etc. ok I hav designd the memory game as asn applet, on top of dat sample draft POS system. 07/16/06 I wanted to wake up earlier, most of yday was without elec. , in fact it disappeared just after it eurnd, wen I had switchd on dis. 07/18/06 my timing is good nw. I only use at nite. Electrity has been going every day since thday.i went 2 church sday, and finally handed my staf for auctioning. Seems dey hav too many things, mayb I shud put an ad on da web, but den again I donít know wen dey will do it. I like da game minesweeper, I got a beginner done in 3 secs, my expert record is 86 secs. Dey hav all sorts of youth activities at church, but da timing sucks, I donít want 2 hav to travel at nite, I kno I probably live furthest, so traveling at nite, wud b stupid and risky. Brob is realy stretching my patience, I kno I told him I still want 2 go 2 bots, but I also said I was interested in his psn. 07/20/06 dis has been da worst couple of days electrity was only available all day on teday wen I went to town hoping it wud disappear wile not around. It seems ma tokd to sisb bout buying a paraffin stove, but I suggested a solar cooker, coz I saw one wile passing thru bv. With da increase in net charges I wud hav to adjust my life, mayb I1 visit a wik, at another cafť, donít think I will be able to post this blog maybe in htown. I wil limit my contact to aussie pals. At da same time sismís phon was da 1 which cud send sms to places mine cant, and ma is with it all da time, yet wen I win sth over da net, dey want me to give it away. I risk losing a possible move to brobís psn just like most of my xclassmates opportunities I wasted with poor decisions, or hesitations which I cant afford. I will hav to send him a msg. Even bots is expensive, so I wud nid to raise $ wile weking, or/and seling some staff I hav dat other staff in htown. Hed sism is confident of thrashing da exams, so am i. Ma has bcome so coservative, switching off electricity. Dese days I no longer get any money, I m now regretting ever traveling by combi, looks like with skul close nearing things r returning to old ways.shud hav saved $ I used to get 4 transport Ma is making a meal out of our current main topic, I was referring to regular news of women killing men/husbands by striking with briks, I took dat opportune 2 mock da men, and said dese were da ppl who nag and probably luf at me 4 not ing married. But somehow ma saqw dis story differently, and says I am afraid of getting beaten. You donít take drugs bcoz u r afraid of bing struck by a vehicle do you. Dats wat I shud say next time. I hav bin keeping my pride by saying da females r low quality. She also despises da married guy next door, da left side , mr lsn who married a teacher as tho she is married to a scrub. Of coz I defend him coz if he drives combis like I hed, den he is much beta dan my old job. Da elder mrs lsn, mrs elsn , used 2 come here often but I no longer see her at ol over here. Da buying a hse story has evaporated. I really shud create a website 4 da church. Seems London is burning hot. 07/24/06 I took a big risk y*day, da left side neghbor, mrs elsn borrowd some money from me, she knows and goes to bots regularly, so I am hoping she can help me out. Ma musthv cold her, mayb she knos I will make it, she wants me to feel like she helpd me. Moro I will go to cafť, a new 1. Iím sure ma is fed up with my attacks on femininity. In my recent preaching, I hv cold dem sugar daddy lovers, and dat sugar daddys r not necessarily old ppl. I hv also regarded dem as ppl who donít understand team wek, saying dats why most of dem donít like sports. Also as evidence of such selfishness is observations of groups such as swv, destinys child, spice gels, tlc, eternal, even da supremes. But look at boyz 2men, 112, ok some guy groups also broke up, no wonder there r so many wars. I was always haunted with team wek preaching wen growing up at skool especially, if being a loner is wat it took to go to heaven I wud b da best psn. Mek no mistake, I m not lonely, Iím used to bing alone. Dis is mo like sept image I was on about. Unlike others who can get lonely even in a crowd. On stday brob had told me da college had found some1 4 da psn.2day he told me it was available and I shud col, only 2 send another msg dat de was an interview for some1 else. I Ďl hv 2c if ma Ďl giv me da $ 4 internet as suggested by sisb, who wants to appear innocent. Otherwise I especially want to sell da tshirt and shirt she sent me. I havenít watchd money or da box for da last 2 shows, electricity especially targets its time, and now dey donít repeat.one thing I donít understand bout music groups, y do they cross marry y not marry some1 withjin the group, those r da closest ppl. Speaking of sugar daddies I wonder how come dat skul gel used to come with a cellfon to church, I wud hv bin like a sugar dady if I had pursued her. I kno I look young, but I m not so young. I really am tired of chasing da wind, I really will do well from now. wow mo hits for my blog, nw who cud be readiing dis boring staff. I made an insertion of my auction for church, seeing how popular my blog seems to be. Last time I also accused mrs elsn for fearing my stealing of her childrenís wives, as a reason to her saying I shud get married. Of coz others wives r off limits 4 me, so r dose out my age range, like dat church 1, wat kind man wud I be. I must say, long bek pastor accused me of staring at his wife, dats not true, he just wanted to say she was so beautiful some1 as good looking as me wudÖ like da old skul days wen ppl used 2 say a math problem was so hard even I cudnt do it,especially if dey cud. Or he was afraid like every 1 else ,he cud lose his wife 2 me if I remain single, sheís probably da 1 who stared at me. Of coz I lukd at her, so did every1 else coz she was preaching in front. From wat I hv seen of otherís wives I m not so surprised tho. So all yu married men yu donít hv 2 fear me.suspicious lives. De was a female I used to wonder bout at dat time donít think she believed dat, or mayb she was da 1 having an affair with him!!?. So all married men can smile nw.but those with jobs and money like my xclassmates who cheated at var, y wud dey not cheat in affairs. Donít think I can beat da 2 secs beginner level record for minesweeper. I noticed de wer some music and game blogs under zim, but mine seems 2b da only text. Ma gave me 600g, I was bout 2 go, den I askd arenít u gona give me net $. My vege garden isnít coming out well, seems rats r eating dem at nite, nw I hav a few leafd plnts. De was some lemon remains I was seeing here most mornings, I thot it was the lsns, so I left 1 out of their yard last wik, nw I donít see dem, yet I gave dem $. 07/29/062day I m going 4 da building at church. Didnít like da way I got dat job, at churchda guy I askd tried to avoid me as tho hoping I would go away, wen I got him again its like he had 4gotten. Made no blog update but da cafť is going well. Sismís boyfriend, mbf, sent an email to sisb, I think she responds to dat, unlike me. Think Iím running late07/31/06sism is sed 2b doing wel at skul. She shud b bek soon. 08/01/06da elecrity always targets gary thompsonís program and its never repeated. On Sunday de was a police vehicle which came for a wile, it got me wondering y . gono just revalued da currency, he removed 3 zeros. I got a coll yday bout an ad I put recently on net bout domestic wekers seems it cud be good busns but in hre.i had to relay da col to qd. From hear I mite consider becoming one, cozg thot of it 1st. At list it wud get me in hre with no rent or bills 2 pay, dats much beta dan fsj. I hv bin cold by auntch for a project he wants. Donít kno wen he is to start. I kno wat dis means, u c he always comes here unannounced, he wants 2 c how smart da place is. So wen sism was here she used to subotage my presence here by messing it up so I got da blame she didnít. so dey probably withheld such support. Nw he came here by surprise, and found da place luking good,so he has decided to pursue it. I kno wat dis means, u c he always comes here unannounced, he wants 2 c how smart da place is. So wen sism was here she used to subotage my presence here by messing it up so I got da blame she didnít. so dey probably withheld such support. Nw he came here by surprise, and found da place luking good,so he has decided to pursue it. i predict it cud rain this mnth.
My days off work expired, so I tried to get my employers to improve things for me. Instead they felt they should make it worse for me and they still owed me money. With me being unable to pay rent I had to leave wek. I thought that at least they wud pay me the money they owed, but Ö I got mo propaganda that Bulawayo was okay, I won have to worry like waterfalls. Now here I m in Bulawayo, and things hav been war here also. Especially since my maís ma , grand returned. She does nothing but complain, wen she arrived he said this place was made for only one person, and she keeps reinforcing that everytime and complains about a BP problem getting worse. Noticeable also is sisb Ďs ability to lie. Wen I was weking she used to ask me to send money to my ma saying she wud repay me, but never did, but it didn t matter I always sent ma money. In fact I was weking wen she was still at skul, and she was so ungrateful about education, wen told to study she wud just stare at the book with eyes motionless, her sism1 is more expressive now that I am broke she can just refuse and spends the whole day dancing to the local radio and talking to others on the fon(says she wants to be a musician), at 1st I tried to argue, but I realized I am quite powerless. She also told me she wud send me 2.4m$ every month, wen I was retiring to go to Bulawayo. Let me take a break I need to teach some1 corel draw, but I donít have it so I am studying photoshop.05/02/06 the corel guy y never showed up again, the guy introduced to me by sism1. I gave sism1 money to buy a cellphone to replace my stolen 1 on Sunday, but hav not received it yet, I may be desperate for the cheap fon she says she can get, but I hav put too many looking for a job ads with my number, to wait too long for a possible another day without it. These days I sim to b getting along with sism1, since the grandma arrived from England she has bin breathing fire on every1. Despite grand being against sism1 using the fon all da time, I cannot support her on dat(her motive is dat da money 4 da fon shud hav bin money given 2 her, my story is dat ppl donít feel sorry dat I hav 2 wok to twon and apply after all maybe if I had $ to apply maybe I wud hav gotten a job early and left and overcrowding here wud not b such a prolem, becoz of being broke and dat sism1 doesnít care bout educaton). If I fail 2 get a cheap fon it means I will be almost penniless 4 a while, while I try to sell somth which took a month last time.Mayb many hav tried to contact me and failed. Of cos there was somth promising wen an xclassmate who is now in Botswana offered to assist me financially to set up net cafť.said he was coming last weekend, so I replied his email giving him the landline number.

I m let me save this wek on my memory stick, my roomís plug shows some circuit problems wen I connect the pc. I hav told all that I am 2 broke to b photocopying cvs and applying to ppl who donít even reply. So wen a rare occasion as auntr1 phoning to tel me of a position in da paper, I just ignored it after all it was in Harare. To my surprise I found aunr1 and her husband auntr1h here over last wikend, with bout 4 envelopes , a few copies of my cv and ready to certify any copies I had. I noticed my cv needs amending. My grandma didnít seem happy bout that, seems her children should support only her and our generation should support her children thatís how old fashioned she thinks, never mind the fact the country has bout 90% unemployment.wen broke no1 like u, all u can think bout is bugging ppl, like wen auntr said she free net access at wek I asked her to check some mails like my hotmail whihch is sos difficult these days and on some of my cvs, after a short time she ended up giving excuses ďI forgot, the net was downĒ, while time wnet by, then sisb1 said she had free access 2 da net, she did not even check, gave excuses straight away. De is a purpose 4 me being broke I wud never hav known any of these things, now I want to make sure I will never b broke again even if I lose a job. I yearn 2 compete on da quiz show on tv, donít want 2 b seen on tv tho, but I cant coz I hav a mad half bro brok1 who weks 4 the herald newspaper, so it wud b a waste of time. There is so much $ being won de. So I might just enquire. I m considering waiting 4 1 mo day 4 dat fon. Its now after 8 and she is still sleeping yu see how lightly ppl take my problems.05/03/06 yesterday ther was drama here. 1st of all I told sism1 to bring the $ if she is not coming with the fon, and she got angry, said she wud bring the $ even if the guy she was meeting in town brot the fon. Then sisb1 cold, and askd me quests I cant answer like r u alright, then I ended up teling her bout her sis. She seemd unusu ally supportive and understanding,but thenagain she is a person of many words and little action.told me she had fons ther and was going to send me one. I just pretend I accept what she says, she also said she was disappointed at sism1. wen sisb1 fond later and spoke to ma, sism1 put da radio volume loud, I came in to argue dat she was disturbuing the fon call, and we argued, she was saying that I am trying to listen to wat was being said.i know the 3 of them keep secrets from me, playing me for a foolits 4am and I can already hear arguments tween ma and daughter.. its like they had a secret plan for sism1 to ignore skool, and marry a rich guy just like sisb1.thatís the impressioni get. I donít like the sound my harddrive makes.whe was I, right apparently, sism1 is refusing to right her O levels dis year, she wants 2 go to a beter skool do form 3 (sisb1 also used to cry for a beta skool change high skool twice+)again, thatís wat she didnít want me to kno, mayb dey pland dis ol along, but dey wanted to persuade her to right dis year even if she fails. I was just acting like I was minding my business, I col her miss mind yo business dat sis. To be honest I thot da simil;arities ment da 2 siss understand each each. Last term wen ma went on holiday, with grandma and auntr to vic falls sism1 stopd goinjg to skool saying she wanted to take an ID, and dat ol knew bout it except me(playing me 4 a fool again), the hing is wen ppl fon dey donít to to me so ma used to col.thyen sism1 askd me 4 my ID which she said she needed to apply.after 2 weeks of her not going to skool I demanded my decision her her has bin dat do nth, I hav my own problems 2 worry bout than 2 help[ s.o. who doesnít want, who even wants to destroy me. Just recently I lost my ID guess who is top on my suspect list.
ok the refusal by da gov to let me teach isnít sth new, at skool ther was no doubt I was the best at maths, but stil, most ppl went to ask the 2nd best for help, and he wud ask me if he had problems, other students were given I think dey ol think I m too good, and wud embaras the less intelligent. I think da unity created from a common situation (grandma) is disappearing.a mahathsula primary skool once put an ad saying they needed a cperson with computer sc degree, but wen I was giving my application they wer telling me dat it was a permanent position, and dey donít think I would stay for long if given the job, bcoz I hav a nust degree, I stil heard nth from dem.imagine dey wer da ones who advertised dey wanted a degreed person. Not yet 5 but dey hav left, must b 4 da ID application. Do I understand human psychology, no dey ol act crazy, or has everyone gone crazy.05/04/06 I was intending to go to Swaziland but my penpal has now vanished. I was hoping to organize affordable accommodation in swazi than hotels I kno.its another Friday, an opportunity for me to find a church, hope my legs can let me wok to belv.y*day it did not take me long to get my fon, it functions like an 1100.it was also cheap. I m just hearing from voice of America that al qaeda uses da net. I hav always suspected they r going to use IT tools mayb dey donít hav da capacity 2 create viruses. I just hed argument between ma and duaght seems 2 b bout elling grand that sism1 wont b gpoing to skool.. ma has always been supportive of sism1. now I think sism1 liked the situation of being treated like a queen so much, she wants to extend it without being tested by exams. Coz if she was serious this time she wud change , stop acting like a full time DJ, dancer, .even wen watching tv shud wud ask sth like is italy in asia. I used to think he secret was dat sism1 was going to marry a rich guy and that I should never bither her with toks of education, thatís why I m used to taking a back seat. Another strange thing was wen auntr1h had invited me to teach maths to his children saying dey were all struggling, auntr1 quickly looked 4 excuses saying I wud want to b paid, but I hed recently dat dey hired a private tutor. De was sth else behind dat. I kno she used to say dat I teach university staff to primary kids, dat was wen I was 1st discouraged from teaching any of her husbands kids. Even her made recently made dat comment. As for grandís best grandchildren cozk1 and cozc1, I was told dey shud bother me with questions. But all dey did was bother me with asking 4 my dvds. De was chaos here as all the time I was out I noticed de was some1 who had tempered with my room. I of coz, told da kids I wanted to see skool wek progress b4 I give dvds. Ther was an immediate response to dat, but wen I markd da testdey stopd coming.

I hid my dvds. I was angry da other day I came here and found my room tempered with so much, my dvd(national treasure) was on da floor as tho it was a trap 4 me to step on it wen I went in, and my other tape was gone. I went and saw dat a dvd I had also hidden was being watchd by all, my grand saying she has seen it b4 and she knows wat was going to happen next.dat was wen I lokd up my staff in my bags.i donít like the idea of contributing to destroying da kids lives. Damn dat foncol has gone for a long time now..i hav so much 2 say and such little time.Dis was obeyd 4 a short time. After a long while dey both came bek. I noticed da form 3 cozc1 confuses bbtween multiplication addition and powers.i xplaind the answers and wanted to c corrections coz she got 2 out of 20, but she never came she only askd for da movi. Let me giv dis pc a rest. I hed jokes bout half sisb1 laughing at how sisa1(half sis half cousin) once askd sisb1 for $ to buy a hse, & she pretended to agree, saying she wud buy a big hse. It made me wonder if that is wat I will be getting, they having a laugh at my problems wen I complain behind my back. I admit dat sisa always luke 4 influential and rich ppl. Makes me think. Any way I asked sisb to chec my emails, hotmail is da worst account I hav its on my cvs, and it deletes emails from ppl not in my address book after storing in junk mail for 5 days. Wow I hav reachd 5 pages, to think I used to struggle to write small compositions.i overhed her saying wat was da fon 4 if not 4 foning. Ther was mo drama here 2day, lots of arguments and crying, I hear sism1 wants to leav, but whe will she go, wat bout guy she fons all day. De was a birthday at da form 3 schhoolmate of hers next door, da gel came here 4 a hair makeover. Wen sheleft I hed sism complaing her fon airtime was reduced & dat only dat gel did dat, also she wanted ma to go and complain as tho she witnessd it.

Thatís bout 100g$.i really cant stand another month idle, if it means going to Harare, I will. Its beta theer anyway, mo than 5 years in byo and I cant speak ndebele, a hindrance to progress. The thot of grand coming here, is scary, wen she left she said she had hed her daughter was hospitalized and wanted to find tou why since she had never been dat serious b4 I came, her concluson was dat I m da coz, & da place was overcrowded. She also doesnít like the shortage of attention to da land of this residence; I spend too little time on it. Wat do u expect after I wok so long distances, my legs r painful wen I get bek, even for next day;;l

Brok1 is weking for a leading newspaper, the guy must be hiv positive, but I notice him luking around. He, like my late dad, has married and left many women, for him its less, only 2. U.S. ambassador Dell, is known by some1 brok1 knows and socializes with, I was surprised considering his job, thatís harder to imagine.

Some riddles. My cv I c a tv of my picture.. I am wondering wat to say bout wat to do if left with one week.. I was in swazi but de was no high wy kingís center, and no maria. Nas Edward. I always wonder wat hapend to xclassmates hlomani moyo, ian, steve and iirvin, also janell,, the Helens, I m no nice niki. Wat bout Julie mccomik, Marcella patel, , .;/donít want to be shameful for a grown man like mudekwa, Tasiyana STAR, whose job is to talk bout network security of Trojans and cars in za. De is a saying in zim that a man who does not lie, does not marry, I tell u I find it hard to lye liar

05/05/06 just been reminiscing with ma bout how sisb and sisa1 wer spoild as kids, being dads favorite children. He used to bring dem sweets and chocolates every day, so I was saying that it explains sisbís troublesome behaiour wen dad passd away, I thot she was still longing 4 dem chocolates, she even mentiond to me wen at skul dat most kids with parents in UK receive chocolates every day. Of coz I was a student in UK then. Like many other zimbos she thot it rains $ in UK, she even wante4d an expensive skuool. Now she is da 1 paying sism1 skuul fees, and she refuses 4 sism1 to repeat form 3 like she wants at another skul. At least no 1 can blame me, I took a bek seat like all wanted . I remember I spoke too much instead of complaining, I was just commenting, wen ma said she trusts sism1, everyth was ok b4 I came, I was adding to her bp. I ended up telling stories like ther are consequencies for everyth a person does like if I sit too long I end up with a painful bottom.. de was quite some irony with wen it came to attacks I was on all receiving ends, 1 for not disciplining sism1 from auntr and auntrh, and dey also accused me of making ma worse, so de was no satisfying any1.i think hypocrisy is a nature of 2 many ppl.

Ealy dis moning I hed ma speaking 4 a long time 2 sism1 and she was crying, it reminded me of wen sism1 was very young, wen I used 2 c her crying It affected me . now those tears of hers r 2 try and manipulate ppl.

Sisa1 had a brother, my cousin, who passd away, probably of aids, cozd. Wen he was young , he used 2 tel us stories, he was quite an exciting guy. Wen at secondary skul, he hung with the wrong crowds, and started drinking and smoking, got in trouble with aunts1 wanting to hit him once. He got traind, together with brok1, by dad to repair radios and televisions at dadís repair shop. He left behind a daughter.

05/06/062day I am going to church, mayb I will just be the invible man like 98degrees.

05/13/06 first of all let me reveal events leading to ma spending valentine in hospital. As u kno I am reluctant to work the yard I spend a long time resting my legs after my walks. Wen I get home there is no food for me, ma will say I hav come late so I wont get lunch, seemd to enjoy me not having lunch. Despite my ever toking bout how tired I m, such words only fall on deaf ears. Just like in waterfalls. I am just treated like a weikng guy, in wfalls I was even payng rent to my relative(was told it was free, with free food and permanent so that I leave queensdale, and wen I wanted to go bek, sisb1 said granma was going to send relatives to chase ppl stasying ther she did not want any1 ther so thatís how I was trikd to leaving wek, now they leav me stranded like a conspiracy ). i sometimes wonder if I am on punishment for staying at the enemiesí (maís sisn). Ma complaind bout the grass in the yard but I said it wasnít long enough, cant be uprooting it all the time itís the rainy season it will grow back again I wanted to let at reach a certain level first. Ma at first wanted to hire some1, then went out ther in the yard with her poor ealth, started telling me, how all the ppl were saying how she is weking yet she has a son. Mayb that was her intentions. It did not take long b4 she got very ill. Even found it difficult to wok.


I know I have not been writing down for a long time now. A lot has gone on. Sism1 was refusing to talk to auntr1 on the fon. I am selling some staff at the auction center. They used to do well, almost everything I used to send there used to get sold,now I hav so many things I sent long back, and a working iron, films,not sold, yet wen I was there y*day they were not there at the auction floors, I could not find a thing, so I am considering witdrawing my staff especially the iron, considering prices wer getting worse, 240g for 3 video tapes then tax. I am left with few auction options.

On Monday I went for the internet, could not find ant diary blogging site. I will hav to create my own site.
I was saying how my cozd died then his wife, now his daughter cozdd is now at qdale, with her aunts and grandma, and uncle. I donít like the way she stays ther to be honest , her youngest aunt , bmaís youngest child, coza2, treats her like a toy, or best friend playing all the time. At first her educaton was so poor, ppl ter did not seem to care. I examind her myself asking questions, she lookd like she was in another world trying to ignore me. Probably the grudge, she was told I was the enemy. I noticed she could not multiply or even add. I started to help her out. I even shouted at sisa1 for accepting such a situation. Her story is that with children, you just introduce them to god and sit back. I changd that so she now monitors her progress. I hav faild to encourage almost all the children I hav tried to influence to take up sports. From sisa1, sisb1, coz2. cozdd seems my only hope. She likes basketball. Despite her height, I would hav rather she took tennis but that would require a racket.

Also at qdale is uncles, maís brother, her remaining brther. He used to be some1 I really envied. He had a house in mandara. A wife who had a good job also, 2 children etc. early 90s I started hearing bout his drinking problems, started chasing his wife with an axe. Ma made a strange comment late 90s saying that she hated unclesís wife coz, she thot she the wife is the one who is responsible for him turning out like that, one of maís strangwe comments.but recently she was thinking bout other ppl, she was thinking of the woman also who unfortunately for her is now in the US. He can be really nagging wen drunk to me. He is also a marriage freak, always going on bout me needing to hav a wife and a family. I sometimes feel he does this deliberately, as a form of punishment. E.g. he came here wen ma had gone to hwange, he started shouting to me t go away, saying I was cozing ma and her maís illnesses. I hated that day, in fact I donít want to c that man again. So most ppl who say I should get married, pretend to be wanting wats good for me, yet their true intentions always come out. I was afraid he could come again now that maís ma, mma, has left.

I went to church in Bellevue last Sunday, and wat I can say is that next tme Iíl go to the other church. Wat hapend here was that auntr was foning here, and ma and sim1 were avoiding answering the fon. She was suggesting sism1 goes to school in hwange and takes her exams ther. in fact hey said I should go to collect money to pay for the skool here Montrose. Ma told me she should just fon and ask if it was possible, and she confirmd it was no longer possible. Sism1 refused to even come to tok to her. I heard Ma saying she did not hear the fon ringing wen toking to autnr on the fon, as tho she had tried to fon and faild to go through. Wen ma and sism1 left, ma told me to lye that they left separately. Auntr cold me on my fon, said she had been ringing the landline. I noticed the ringer on the fon had been switchd off. Wat if there was a job I could have known, is this the first time. Ö I was eventually told to deposit money for sism1 exam fees to auntrí account. As for school fees, I hed ma laughing bout auntr not being the 1 to pay for sis school fees yet she tokd confidently bout changing schools, and said sisb1 cant possibly pay. It seems sism1 has won the stay home campaign.. she did ask me for sponsorship for music, but she has never shown me her wek.

05/14/06most of my drems are of my old w/falls days. Last night I dreamt of finding an old lost cellfon near my oold skool, lordesia. Weird dream considering I never had a fon during my older wfalls days, and I never had such a big fon at all. Another person ma once said she hated, pac, was a relative of país, a mixd race, policeman, it was his wife in fact she said she hated,mac. They came wen ma was pregnant, I thot that she was jealous and racist. I once mention I might marry a mixd race person, and she said she doesnít want 1. so I was confused by this person, my ma who dared to dictate wat I should do. Mayb dats hw its done with mmaís family, wen one hates some1, they make sure that all hate dat 1. I m suspicious bout dis interest in pac, especially sism1. ma askd me 4 pacís number and wants to invite him over. He is in Harare at the moment.

I in da process of updating my site. I mite not go to church today, I need a sapmle demo of an application. I only uploaded a test applet to see if applets can run, but I had no time to chec the result. Motherís day is dis weekend, I am afraid mma is coming soon.
05/18/06 I decided to rest my legs instead of going to church that day. There was drama tho later on. Just as sism1 feared auntr and auntrh, came to collect her. That souded like a glass smashing, lwen sism1 was here, ma seemd to have gotten very clumsy. I would come back and find her coffeee mugs broken, that ws 2, in a week.
Right, I was just ehre all unprepared and scruffy looking. They stopd the car by the gate, couldnít c who was in. auntr was the one who came, told me mma wanted to c me in da car. So I went there wondering wat was going on. To my surprise mma wasnít in the car, only aunrh, and a friend cold,maskiri. He said we were going to collect sism1, and started asking me about her church. We stoppd by fbc to ask for directions to sism1ís church, harvest. Wen we arrived, I could not stay inside, for long after looking at myself, feeling ashamed, nd noticeing sism1 wasnot in sight, it was going to take time, so I went to root myself in the car seat. auntrh returnd with sism1, approaching the car together, wen sism1 said she didnít realize she was leaiving, she left a bag behind. She left running, auntrh walking fast behind. After a long time we began to suspect she had run away.

I got a fon col confirming this from auntr, saying that I should lok for sism1, that she must b hiding in a fon shop nearby bcoz she had foned ther. I chose to ignore that. I saw auntrh going the other direction and he took maskiri with him. They came woking back to the other direction with sism1, along with a group of other church members. One member stoppd and cold me, he askd if I was really her brother, and whether ma knew wat was going on. They eventually brought her ito the car, we collected one of the church member,on the wayu home auntrh askd who was the aunt in SA she said she wanted 2 visit,. We got home and there was a lecture from churchmate, who was full of praise for education, then maskiri, made his version, and aauntrh . she sat there looking all decent, must have been ashamed of the church guy.

They got her packing. Wen she was packing, auntr was on the attack again, saying I had been accepted as a nursing student but ranaway. I dint say it then, but it wass really her who contributes to such problems. Wen I was studying nursing in England, she phoned me regularly, to tell me that I was ,nag, that I was sending very little money home, with fees for sisb and sism being needed and maís medical. She woukd argue that I can/should find night, weekend wek to do while studying, while I protested that I coulkd not find any wek while at skool. As tho all my assistance was negligible. I was I began to skip skool a lot to go and wek on skool days, which affected my perfomance.i was surrounded by paki youngsters who all seemd to study programming who used to say a person can wek anywhere with a comp sc degree. It made me think of my degree which I left, without even going for graduation. She also used to complain bout, da fact that she was my surety at ver, and was afraid debt collectors were going to take a house bcoz of my ver loan. It was 6500$ , but was a lot of money then. I ran away from skool , raised some money and thot I should go back to zim, then come back. In high wycombe I also used to wok a lot. I came back , against da advice of of even bmaís side. My attempt to return to England was unsusccessful, my auntc there had said her husband auntch did not want any1 from zim there(he probably wanted money from these ppl). So I was detaind then sent back. I even had 1000 pounds in my account, but they were not interested.
i just want to have something here. no ms word here. 24 jukl, there will be an auction at Auction to be held at bellevue afm church along





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