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modifier supprimer 39246 - de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2021-01-19 >> NEW
Ecrivain - "Girls like me"

Girls with minds like a thousand stars
Girls who worry if they go to far
Girls with a heart made of glass
Girls who hope the darkness will pass
It blows my mind to see
that their are girls like me
Whose heart has broken a dozen times
Whose soul leaps at every sun rise
Who dreams of tomorrow
instead of relishing today
Its extraordinary that girls are like this
In every which way
And now I wish they were all near
So I could mend their many scars
We would love each other
And show them their is no reason to fear
But now I'm doubting if you exist
Because society I fear
That their mind is fixed
On broken lies
That a woman is an object
That has no different design


Hey guys tell me what you think in the replies!
P.S Raya I hope you like his one better


39246 -
modifier supprimer 39248 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2021-01-19 >> NEW

Thank you Amaani! Those are my favorites too.

39246 -
modifier supprimer 39247 - Réponse de Amaani0 , 10 ans (Grande Bretagne) - 2021-01-19 >> NEW

This one is brilliant but I still love To dance in the rain and Description of myself best

modifier supprimer 39224 - de Ibrahima 214 , 20 ans (Sénégal) - 2021-01-11
Ecrivain - "J'aime découvrire"

Bonjour🙏🙏 moi c ibrahima gueye sénégalais âgés De 20ans
Je suis un joueur de football attaquant de pointemon coule préférè bleu
J'aime voyage pour découvrire


modifier supprimer 39188 - de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-30
Ecrivain - "To dance in the rain"

Oh to feel sunshine on your skin
To run into a crashing wave
To feel one with earth
is all I will ever ask
that and to dance in the rain
To sing ballads of old
In a crowded street
To strum my guitar
without fear of being good enough
Is all I will ever need
That and to be able to
Dance in the rain
To kiss you underneath the stars
With a full moon in view
Feel stardust shine in our veins
Is the best to be offered
That and to be able to dance in the rain.
Is the most I'll ever need


39188 -
modifier supprimer 39242 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2021-01-18 >> NEW

Hey no hard feeling but why?

39188 -
modifier supprimer 39232 - Réponse de Amaani0 , 10 ans (Grande Bretagne) - 2021-01-12

Why not?

39188 -
modifier supprimer 39228 - Réponse de Raya243 , 9 ans (Indonésie) - 2021-01-12

I do not like

39188 -
modifier supprimer 39194 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-31

Thank you! I had a lot of fun writing it.

39188 -
modifier supprimer 39193 - Réponse de Amaani0 , 10 ans (Grande Bretagne) - 2020-12-31

I love this one!

modifier supprimer 39160 - de Amaani0 , 10 ans (Grande Bretagne) - 2020-12-19
Ecrivain - "Gallant Great Tit"

Gallant Great Tit
twitter your jolly song,
Chirp your little twitter
along from branch to branch

Flutter from twig to twig
from tree to tree,
To your cosy bird house
stuffed with fine straw.


Tuck your tender black capped head
Under your blue tinted wing
And sleep, sleep my Gallant Great Tit
Sleep until the rays of dawn.


39160 -
modifier supprimer 39162 - Réponse de Amaani0 , 10 ans (Grande Bretagne) - 2020-12-19

Thanks!

39160 -
modifier supprimer 39161 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-19

This is great!

modifier supprimer 39159 - de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-18
Ecrivain - "A brief-ish history of the Asteria universe"

This intergalactic history obviously begins with the Big Bang. The universe is completely silent for about two billion years until the Xinsuuri and Splicers evolve in the Aurora and Milky Way galaxies, respectively. For about a million years, they developed civilizations, with the Xinsuuri making several advancements in the areas of astroengineering and artificial intelligence, inventing the warp dive for the first time in history, and creating the hyperintelligent Custodians. The aquatic Splicers, on the other hand, focused on biotechnology, creating living weapons, "computers", and starships, but never developing faster-than-light travel. The two species simply existed, unaware of each other for countless millennia, until the Aurora Galaxy's collision with its neighbor led to the Xinsuuri and Custodians fleeing to the Laniakea Supercluster in the year 2 billion B.C.E. The Splicers, perceiving this as an invasion, declared war on the Xinsuuri. For centuries, the Splicers struggled in vain against their vastly more advanced foes, but in the end, they lost, facing almost total extinction, save for a few hidden colonies.

After the war, the Xinsuuri began to experiment with Splicer biotechnology, eventually creating the Xinsuuri-Symbionts. Initially created to augment the Xinsuuri's already-impressive mental capabilities, the Symbionts instead formed a hivemind, enslaving their creators. The Custodians saw this as a great danger to the other sapient species of the Supercluster, so they attempted to wipe out the Symbionts with weaponized Von Neumann probes. This failed, and the Custodians were forced into hiding.

For eons, the Xinsuuri and their Symbionts ruled a vast empire, until a plague wiped out the Xinsuuri-Hosts. The Symbionts hid in bodies of water, taking vaguely dolphin-like creatures as hosts until their discovery by the Shotani in 70,000 B.C.E. Seeing the Symbionts as an effective method of controlling the species within their territory, the Shotani struck a deal with the Symbionts to help them spread in exchange for keeping the client species complacent.

Eventually, the Shotani discovered Earth and invaded it. Being a Kardashev Type 2 civilization, the Shotani crushed the militaries of Earth and infested about a third of the world's population with Symbionts, until the Terran Revolution of 2165 was able to drive them away with the aid of another species, the saurian Tthariqqun.

The Tthariqqun, however, had ulterior motives, incorporating humanity into their species-based caste system, until a human-led alliance of species overthrew them. This alliance would grow to become the United Terran Empire. This is where we are now in "Asteria". Let me know what you think!


39159 -
modifier supprimer 39241 - Réponse de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2021-01-17 >> NEW

Thank you!

39159 -
modifier supprimer 39231 - Réponse de Raya243 , 9 ans (Indonésie) - 2021-01-12

owh! i love it

modifier supprimer 39142 - de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-15
Ecrivain - "A one sided love"

You walked up to me
your hair blew in the wind
Said hello and asked
If I remembered you
I smiled and said yes
We talked on the way to school
Something was born
On that fine autumn day
Little did I know what it was
A friendship grew
but I longed for more
I blushed when you spoke
My friends teased
It was nothing for me
but everything for you
You were scared that you might
Hurt me or break my heart
Courage grew feelings fell
You did not hurt me
But I was forced to move on
Our friendship grew
My feeling turned invisible
But then my feelings withdrew
Their dark cloaks
And the pile of my emotions
Grew into a mountain
I began to smile and blush again
I sensed worry grow in your eyes
Born anew but all the same
I opened my heart
And you forced it to close
I told you I loved you
And you smiled
Told me you did also
Just in other ways
I sighed, nodded
and broke my own heart
Now that we are still friends
Only know that I will
Keep trying
To show you my heart
No matter how long you force it closed


39142 -
modifier supprimer 39148 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-16

Sure I would love to befriends!

39142 -
modifier supprimer 39147 - Réponse de Abbey50 , 13 ans (Canada) - 2020-12-16

Thank you! Would you like to be friends?

39142 -
modifier supprimer 39146 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-16

Thanks I really liked your story too!

39142 -
modifier supprimer 39145 - Réponse de Abbey75 , 13 ans (Canada) - 2020-12-16

It is amazing! You should definitely write more!

39142 -
modifier supprimer 39144 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-15

Thank you! It's based off a true personal story that happened to me recently.

39142 -
modifier supprimer 39143 - Réponse de Abbey50 , 13 ans (Canada) - 2020-12-15

Wow, this got me emotional. Absolutely love it!

modifier supprimer 39138 - de Abbey50 , 13 ans (Canada) - 2020-12-14
Ecrivain - "Hi! This is my story, I hope you like it!"

The house hadn’t had visitors in over a century, all of the windows were nailed shut with wooden x’s over them, the porch at the front of the house was trashed, with chairs that had fallen over, and glass laying all over the porch floor, and the door was also nailed completely shut, the roof had also slightly fallen in to the big house.
When I enter through the front door of the house, I can hardly see. It is dark in the room, although you can see the outlines of certain objects. There is a little table to the left of the door, it is black, everything inside the house was. On top, lay a dead black rose, with only a couple petals remaining, while the others had fallen to the floor. You are intrigued by this, and reach out a hand to touch it, and then, Ouch! I thought. I pulled my hand away, and noticed my index finger had a small cut, and a little bit of blood started coming out. I walked closer to get a good look at it, and noticed that there were thorns, big black ones. I staggered back, and grabbed the door knob for support. I took some deep breaths, and then let go of it. I then turned towards the stairs that were going up, and then I began to ascend them.
Each stair creaked as I ascended, I walked up the stairs slowly, there were so many floors, 13 of them, and as I walked by each one, I noticed that there was only one door on that floor, and it was at the end of it. There was nothing else. I continued walking till I got to the final floor, no more stairs now. I turned, and walked to the end of the hallway on the final floor, and as I got right to the door, I expected something to jump out at me, but nothing did. It was silent. There was nothing but a pin drop that I could hear, coming from one of the floors below. I extended my small hand towards the knob, and then enclosed my fingers around it. It was cold, and almost as though no one has been up here in a long time. I then turned the knob in my hands, and the door came open.
I expected something to jump up at me, but nothing did……….again. I breathed a sigh of relief, and then walked into the room and began investigating. I don’t exactly know what I am doing, but I have passed this house for 13 years on my way home from school, and I thought it was just about time I saw it. Something always drew me to this house, it felt like everytime I walked by it was calling my name almost. It sounds stupid, I know, but I don’t really know any other way to describe it. That is why I am here, to find something, and something has drawn me to this room. I searched the floor first, although there was nothing except an ugly ,old, black rug that lay in the center of the room, and more black rose petals scattered all around the floor. There was also a bed in the right corner of the room, that was untidy with blankets and sheets that were all rumpled and messy. The covers and sheets were also black, along with all four walls and the ceiling. That’s when I lowered my gaze and saw a small black dresser, with 4 drawers, that had old fashioned handles, and a small black mirror on top. I then walked towards it, because I felt something there. There was nothing in the room except a bed,rug, rose petals and this dresser. I got that feeling again, that feeling where I could almost hear it calling my name, so I then walked forward towards it.I was in front of the dresser staring down at its drawers, I was intrigued and wondered what could be inside, but then another piece of me felt that, well I don’t know, that something was wrong. Unease twisted inside of me, and I didn’t like it. It's fine,I thought, There is nothing wrong. NOTHING. I pushed down the sudden nausea, and reached my hand out to the first drawer with the fancy handle, I grabbed it, anticipating something that would jump out at me, but………...again, nothing did. The drawer was empty. I sighed and pushed it back. On to the next one, I opened it slower this time, and I then noticed that there were things in this drawer, two things actually. The first was a thick purple book, that had beautiful designs on the cover, and a pretty silver font that said the words, The Art Of Resurrection. I stared at it puzzled, what did this mean? Nothing probably, I thought. I tossed it back into the drawer, and turned my attention to the second objects. They………..were candles, five of them to be exact. They were all tall and had pure white wax………………….not something I planned to see, but it was at least something. I took a last peek, and then closed the drawer, no longer interested. I then moved on to the third drawer, where I found a beautiful red and white box, it was one of the old fashioned ones that was made of glass, and I was instantly intrigued. I opened it gently, and inside was a thick stack of letters that were tied together with red and white string. I undid the bow, and opened the first letter in the pile. To Annabelle, it said on the front. I opened the letter, actually I opened all of the letters, and they were all SO sappy. Gross, I thought. It was this one man that was writing to this girl named Annabelle, about how much he loved her and all that stuff. After reading all of the letters, I found one photograph, and it was of a man, a handsome man, that was tall and muscular, that had light brown hair with golden highlights, kind blue eyes, and a nice smile. Could this be him? The one that wrote the letters? I thought. I placed the photo and letters back inside the box, closed it, and gently placed it back. There were more black roses in this dresser, dead black roses, but nothing else. I moved on to the final drawer, there was nothing, except one small piece of white paper with a red font, written by a messy hand. I picked it up and examined it closer. It read, It’s time. I’m ready. I will bring you back. For a moment I just stared at it puzzled, then I started to put the pieces together, the letters, the candles, the book…………...it all makes sense. How could I not have seen it before? The nausea started up again, and I staggered backwards, my mind racing. The note fell from my hand, as I clutched both sides of the dresser for support. Breath, I thought, breath. I slowly walked towards the center of the room, and kicked the ugly old rug aside, it was just as I thought. A pentagram, five sides, five candles. I took some deep breaths and after, I opened my eyes, and looked up at the mirror before me, I could see myself, ………………...and someone else. A tall, pale woman wearing a black and purple dress, with long tangled black hair that came to her knees, was only meters behind me, standing at the entrance of the room with a look that was beyond fury. I was not only nauseated, but down right afraid. Her black eyes stared directly at me, she didn’t move. For moments we only stared at each other. Until eventually I saw something, something long and sharp, that glowed bright, and silver in her hand. Her expression had now changed to a grin, but not a good one. She raised the object directly over my heart, grinning an ugly smile. That was the last thing I knew.


39138 -
modifier supprimer 39168 - Réponse de Abbey70 , 13 ans (Canada) - 2020-12-21

Also, part 2 is coming soon!!

39138 -
modifier supprimer 39167 - Réponse de Abbey70 , 13 ans (Canada) - 2020-12-21

Thank you so much! That means a lot! I’m glad you liked it!

39138 -
modifier supprimer 39166 - Réponse de Caroline219 , 14 ans (USA) - 2020-12-21

This is AMAZING! You are so talented!

39138 -
modifier supprimer 39141 - Réponse de Abbey50 , 13 ans (Canada) - 2020-12-15

Thank you so much! :)

39138 -
modifier supprimer 39139 - Réponse de Amaani0 , 10 ans (Grande Bretagne) - 2020-12-15

This has so much suspense! I love how you build up tension. It's a brilliant mystery. I can't wait to hear the next part!

modifier supprimer 39127 - de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-11
Ecrivain - "The Minerva-class Colossus"

The Minerva-class Colossus is the newest and most valuable class of vessels within the Orion Alliance Navy. Incorporating an array of technologies from both the Shotani and Tthariqqun, the two alien species that had occupied Earth for nearly a century. This has allowed Minerva-class ships to engage vessels from much more advanced species.

The Minerva Class is a gigantic vessel, as long as 20 Burj Khalifas stacked end to end. It is heavily armored and equipped with 6 torpedo launchers, 10 point-defense lasers, and 2 plasma cannons. The armor is made of reinforced Watanabeite (sorry, there are some problems that can only be solved by unobtanium lol).

For STL travel, the Minerva-class is equipped with 5 fusion-powered Mk. IV Silva Engines. For faster-than-light travel, it has 1 reverse-engineered Shotani slip-drive.
...

So, this is my first profile of a ship or space station that I have posted on this forum, please let me know what you think in the replies! Constructive criticism is very much welcome! :-)


39127 -
modifier supprimer 39133 - Réponse de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-13

Also, sorry for the punctuation errors.

39127 -
modifier supprimer 39129 - Réponse de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-12

*323

39127 -
modifier supprimer 39128 - Réponse de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-12

The Minerva-class Colossus carries a standard complement of 30 CI-800 Hu'untyei fighters, as well as a crew of over 1 million.

I've also changed the size of the ship to be closer to that of the asteroid "373 Brucia".

modifier supprimer 39123 - de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-11
Ecrivain - "Hello/مرحبا"

I want to be penpals with someone (12-17 only) who is fluent in Arabic and as passionate about writing stories as I am so that we can study and write together.

أريد أن أكون صديقًا بالمراسلة مع شخص (12-17 عامًا فقط) يجيد اللغة العربية وشغوفًا بكتابة القصص مثلي حتى نتمكن من الدراسة والكتابة معًا.


modifier supprimer 39120 - de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-10
Ecrivain - "Per aspera ad astra"

You dreamed of reaching the sky
swing on saturn's rings
dance with the revolution of earth
I smiled patted your head and said
Per aspera ad astra my dear
Through hardships to the stars
You grew older
broken and bruised
you marched on
wondering if you could ever be the same
I kissed all your scars gave you a hug
and said
Per aspera ad astra
through hardships to the stars
You grew blossomed into a rose
they broke your heart
again and again
When you returned home sobbing through pain
I cried with you and said
per aspera ad astra
through hardships to the stars
Then my dear you left the comfort of the nest
spread your wings to fly
You reached the stars
I never had any doubt
I smiled through tears
and said
Per aspera ad astra
through hardships to the stars


39120 -
modifier supprimer 39126 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-11

Thank you so much!

39120 -
modifier supprimer 39125 - Réponse de Amaani0 , 10 ans (Grande Bretagne) - 2020-12-11

It was clever to base the poem on a Latin phrase. It makes the poem unique!

39120 -
modifier supprimer 39124 - Réponse de Amaani0 , 10 ans (Grande Bretagne) - 2020-12-11

This is such a tender and motivating poem!

39120 -
modifier supprimer 39122 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-10

Thank you!

39120 -
modifier supprimer 39121 - Réponse de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-10

I like it!

modifier supprimer 39119 - de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-10
Ecrivain - "Is calligraphy relevant to this forum?"

I am asking this question because I LOVE Arabic and Japanese calligraphy. I would like to discuss these things with a penpal from Japan or an Arabic-speaking country, or basically, anybody who loves calligraphy as much as I do. أتمنى لك كل السلام والتوفيق في رحلات الخط! 書道の旅で皆様のご多幸とご多幸をお祈り申し上げます。


modifier supprimer 39111 - de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-09
Ecrivain - "A revamped index on the Hra'jaauvi"

"Hra'jaauvi" is the name that I've chosen for my fictional species of ursine semi-humanoids from "Asteria". In their main language, High Shahreian, it means "People of Jaauvi", which is their homeworld. Jaauvi is a planet slightly smaller than Earth located in the Uujri-Tsoshaan binary star system in the Andromeda Galaxy.

The Hra'jaauvi are a large species, averaging at about 7 feet in height. They have digitigrade legs, short, lynx-like tails, and six limbs (two pairs of arms, one pair of legs). Their hands are padded, but dexterous, like raccoon hands, and have four fingers and two opposable thumbs. They have purple, elephantine skin and fur that comes in many colors, including black, white, bluish-grey, white, or lilac. The Hra'jaauvi are equally comfortable upright and on "all-sixes". They resemble a cross between a brown bear and a sloth bear. They are hypocarnivores, meaning that they eat mostly plants and fungi, but also a bit of meat.

Despite Jaauvi's slightly lower gravity, the average Hra'jaauvi is quite strong due to their homeworld's assortment of dangerous carnivores and large prey animals. They also have a subspecies that lives on the super-Earth Rruviiq, which shares a binary orbit with Jaauvi. The two planets share 6 moons.

The Hra'jaauvi were once solitary, much like bears, but eventually developed a somewhat lion-like social structure, with 1-3 males and up to 12 females (related or unrelated) living together in communal burrows. They developed agriculture to feed both themselves and colonies of eusocial insects that they raised for food. They also bred small, rabbit-like animals for food and herded large yak-analogs.

They continued this agrarian lifestyle for centuries, with only the occasional inter-clan clashes, until the invasion of their system by the Tuvira in 22 I.E. Although they eventually managed to fight off the invaders by reverse-engineering their technology under the leadership of the warrior-priest Uulshorrai, the war left the Hra'jaauvi a changed species. They set out into space in order to better defend themselves against further invasion attempts. Here, they met the vastly more advanced humans, who traded with the Hra'jaauvi for their agricultural products and unique bluewood trees. This is how they acquired FTL technology since the Tuvira only had STL fusion drives. Their interstellar government, the Kingdom of Jaauvi, became an Orion Alliance member state in 76 I.E.

Hra'jaauvi culture is clan-based and focuses on martial pursuits, though artists and scholars are also highly respected. Their religion focuses on worshipping the suns, moons, stars, and Rruviiq.


39111 -
modifier supprimer 39113 - Réponse de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-10

I might actually add them to a new setting altogether.

modifier supprimer 39109 - de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-09
Ecrivain - "Do you believe in Magic?"

On a cold winter's night
I look out see my breath in the air.
On wedding day I see how the sun shines on your face
When our child is born I see the glow of life in her eyes
On that night when every star is in view
You ask me this question
and I laugh
I tell you to look around
Taste the crisp breath of nature
Remember the night we met
How all of the universe existed in your mind
How else could this occur?
Fate? Perhaps a mere coincidence?
little do you know
The look a mother gives a child
The soft and tender whisper of love
What are these made of?
Magic my love. Sheer magic
When the day you leave me comes
When our child leaves the comfort of our nest
When she spreads her wings to fly
Magic will keep us bound together.


Tell me what you think in the reply section!


39109 -
modifier supprimer 39118 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-10

Thank you so much!

39109 -
modifier supprimer 39117 - Réponse de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-10

Simply beautiful!

39109 -
modifier supprimer 39116 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-10

Thank you so much! I wasn't that sure about this poem but I'm glad you like it.

39109 -
modifier supprimer 39115 - Réponse de Amaani0 , 10 ans (Grande Bretagne) - 2020-12-10

This is such a beautiful poem Delaney. You'r really good at poetry!

modifier supprimer 39063 - de Olivia 4B214 , 14 ans (France) - 2020-12-09
Ecrivain - "reponce questions"

Jacqueline
je pense que tu devrais l'adapter en jeu vidéo


39063 -
modifier supprimer 39106 - Réponse de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-09

Merci beaucoup! Je vais apprendre à utiliser le moteur de jeu "Unity" pour créer un RPG de science-fiction en monde ouvert où les joueurs peuvent choisir l'espèce, la faction et la trame de fond du personnage principal pour jouer en mode campagne ou multijoueur et commander leur propre vaisseau personnalisable pour explorez et interagissez avec l'intégralité de la Voie lactée, ainsi que des parties d'Andromède et du Triangulum. Cela semble-t-il une prémisse solide et quelque chose qui peut être fait par quelqu'un qui est * très * nouveau dans la création de jeux? Je regarde des tutoriels sur Youtube sur l'écriture et la conception de jeux, donc cela aidera probablement, j'espère.

modifier supprimer 39048 - de Olivia 4B214 , 14 ans (France) - 2020-12-09
Ecrivain - "AVIS SUR QUESTIONS"

Dalaney tu écris extrêmement bien alors continu sur cette lancé =)


39048 -
modifier supprimer 39092 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-09

Merci beaucoup!

modifier supprimer 38963 - de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-09
Ecrivain - "I need some writing help."

I can't decide if I should make my science fiction setting into a video game or a TV show. Any advice?


modifier supprimer 38949 - de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-08
Ecrivain - "What do you guys think?"

Should my story take place in the Milky Way Galaxy and then Andromeda and other galaxies, or should it just take place in the Andromeda Galaxy millennia into the future?


modifier supprimer 38943 - de Amaani0 , 10 ans (Grande Bretagne) - 2020-12-08
Ecrivain - "Looking For ideas"

Hello, I am looking for ideas for a play. I can only find ideas more for movies. If any body has any ideas i would love to hear them.


38943 -
modifier supprimer 39099 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-09

That's great!

38943 -
modifier supprimer 39097 - Réponse de Amaani0 , 10 ans (Grande Bretagne) - 2020-12-09

Thanks a lot! I've got and idea for the first scene now.

38943 -
modifier supprimer 39095 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-09

Do you mean Alexander as in Alexander the great? If so the gap seems pretty good.

38943 -
modifier supprimer 39094 - Réponse de Amaani0 , 10 ans (Grande Bretagne) - 2020-12-09

I thought Napoleon and Alexander but the time gap is too far. What do you think?

38943 -
modifier supprimer 39093 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-09

That sounds very cool!

38943 -
modifier supprimer 39033 - Réponse de Amaani0 , 10 ans (Grande Bretagne) - 2020-12-09

I was thinking that maybe I could mix the lives of two different heroes from different times. But I'm not sure which. So From around the sixteen hundreds too eighteen hundreds probably.

38943 -
modifier supprimer 38954 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-08

Cool! Is their a kind of era you want to focu on? Maybe the 1920s or a war time era?

38943 -
modifier supprimer 38951 - Réponse de Amaani0 , 10 ans (Grande Bretagne) - 2020-12-08

I was thinking Historical

38943 -
modifier supprimer 38944 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-08

What genre?

modifier supprimer 38934 - de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-08
Ecrivain - "All major species in "Asteria""

Shotani: basically aggressively expansionist, xenophobic, communist aliens that look like feathered dragons. Kicked humans out of the Milky Way.

Hrad'vaashaa: New name of the Ghahiirrim, read "An index I made of a species from my setting" for more information. Their tail-blades function somewhat like deer antlers that stay on all year long, instead of shedding in the winter like Earth's deer antlers do.

Mahina: Elf-like beings descended from abducted humans during a slave raid by an unknown species. Culture is based on the pursuit of science and the arts, as well as "enlightening" other species by trading advanced technology in exchange for important pieces of art and classical texts.

Patthari: An extremely isolationist humanoid species that attacks any foreign vessels which enter their territory. Recently made several aggressive space-grabs in the Don'jairi Expanse, a collection of roughly 20,000 systems that border Human, Mahina, and Hrad'vaashaa space.

X!-Haat: Peaceful insectoids that have a successful trade empire. One of humanity's closest allies in the Andromeda Galaxy. (Asteria takes place across the Andromeda, Triangulum, and Whirlpool Galaxies 5,000 years into the future).


modifier supprimer 38929 - de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-08
Ecrivain - "A science fiction story. Idk what to call it yet."

Mei'hruumssan uz' Zhan'Yishiima uz' Fii'Qqarhaama had never seen anything like this before. In front of him was a shiny, white, bird-analog-shaped object the size of his clan's longhouse. It had strange, blocky writing painted on the side in a script that he could not read. It appeared to be damaged, with smoke rising out of the end.

Suddenly, a hatch on the left side hissed open, and a strange figure emerged. Initially, it dragged itself out of the "Relic", as his tribe chose to call it, and crawled across the dirt, but it slowly stood up. Mei'hruumssan could see that the figure was vaguely Ghahiirrimoid, but it was much shorter, standing only one wuj'han tall, and tailless. It turned its head, which was concealed by a helmet of some sort, upwards and looked him in the eyes. Mei'hruumssan's tail-blades stiffened with anxiety at this figure's sudden challenge. "What do I do??", he thought, "What if it attacks me?" Without warning, the being moved its hand to its waist. Before it could draw a weapon, he whipped his tail. The larger tail-blade slashed the being's hip, causing it to scream in pain. Red blood spilled across the sand, quite unlike the bluish-green of Ghahiirrim blood.

Panicked, Mei'hruumssan quickly grabbed the being and tossed it over his shoulder. He ran the full qujqa's voyage back to his Fii's manor, worried about what his uncle, the Fii's leader, would think.
...

Once he arrived at his destination, he gently set the being on the ground. A crowd gathered. This was the last thing Mei'hruumssan needed today.

"It's bleeding!", a jill exclaimed.
"Somebody get the physician!", her companion shouted.

The crowd parted. Mei'hruumssan's fears became reality.
It was his uncle, Uulshorai.

"What is going on here?", his uncle demanded. Once he saw his nephew crouching over a bleeding, strange, being, his mane bristled with anger and he exuded a scent of mild rage.

"Meihruumssan! Explain yourself!", he roared.
"I-I didn't mean to do it! H-he reached for something at his waist! I panicked!", Meihruumssan stammered.
"Enough excuses. Bring it to the physician."


Reply if you want to see part two!


38929 -
modifier supprimer 38933 - Réponse de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-08

Glossary of Ghahiirrim terms:
"Wuj'han": A unit of measurement equal to five feet and 5 inches.
"Qujqa": Another unit of measurement roughly equal to 2 miles.
"Jill": A female Ghahiirrim. I based this off of the system for opossums, since the Ghahiirrim have pouches.
"Uz'": When translated, means "of".
"Zhaal": Clan
"Fii": An alliance of Zhaal based on trade and military alliances. Very loosely analogous to a Mandalorian House from Star Wars.

38929 -
modifier supprimer 38931 - Réponse de Erin137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-08

Also, constructive criticism is very much welcome.

38929 -
modifier supprimer 38930 - Réponse de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-08

P.S., sorry for the spelling inconsistencies. The name is supposed to be "Mei'hruumssan".

modifier supprimer 38926 - de Jacqueline137 (USA) - 2020-12-07
Ecrivain - "Conlanging advice"

I could use some advice on a conlang (constructed language) that I am working on for the Asteria setting that I mentioned in a few previous posts.

This conlang is called "Tuunirian", and it is spoken by the Ghahiirrim that I posted about recently. It is written with an abjad (a script where only consonants are given glyphs, while vowels are either excluded or given diacritics) that I have based on the Thaana and Klingon scripts. It also has logographs for commonly used nouns and verbs. I have a few questions regarding this: Can abjads have symbols that indicate tones? How do I Romanize the language of a species that has two vocal cords? Would it make sense for the logographs to be used to add context in sentences?


38926 -
modifier supprimer 38927 - Réponse de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-07

I am actually renaming the conlang to "High Maahrossho".

modifier supprimer 38920 - de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-07
Ecrivain - "Help!"

Hi does anyone think they can help me with the opening line of the Harry Potter fan fic I'm writing? I always struggle with writing good beginnings.


38920 -
modifier supprimer 38940 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-08

Thank you it does!

38920 -
modifier supprimer 38935 - Réponse de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-08

Hmmm. Maybe you could write a sentence at the beginning describing his arrival. I hope that helps.

38920 -
modifier supprimer 38932 - Réponse de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-08

So basically Teddy Lupin goes to Hogwarts meets friends named Maxine, Alex, and Paige and everything i pretty much drama free until he goes into the forbidden forest one night and gets bitten by a were wolf. I've got the plot pretty much worked out but I can't seem to write a good beginning.

38920 -
modifier supprimer 38925 - Réponse de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-07

What's the plot?

modifier supprimer 38915 - de Delaney37 , 13 ans (USA) - 2020-12-07
Ecrivain - "Random question"

Hey everyone! I know their's a ton of potterheads on here so I thought I might ask a question concerning the fanfic I'm writing. What the heck would happen if Teddy Lupin got bitten by a werewolf? Please send feedback as soon as possible.


modifier supprimer 38913 - de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-06
Ecrivain - "An index I made of a species from my setting"

Alright, so here is a little biological and cultural index that I made of an alien species from my science fiction setting. They are called the Ghahiirrim, and they are from the Earth-sized exo-Jovian moon Taahhin. They have both mammalian and reptilian physical traits and resemble bipedal lions if lions had thick, scaly skin, caracal-Esque tufts on their ears, and fat-storing lizard-like tails with a pair of extremely sharp blades on the end. They are adapted to desert living and have nictitating membranes in their eyes to protect them from the sand.

Their culture is a clan/tribe based one and values martial prowess, though artists and scholars are also highly respected. Wars between tribes were common until a warrior-priest named Uulshorai conquered and united them with the help of advanced technology that his tribe bought from a disreputable human corporation. He and his successors are known as the "Yooh'dah'mahr'iiq" by their own people, but they adopt the title of "Khagan" when interacting with humans, hence the name of their government, the "United Taahhinian Khaganate". I will include more info if you guys want.


38913 -
modifier supprimer 38923 - Réponse de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-07

Let me know in the replies if any of you would like to know more about my science fiction setting, "Asteria".

38913 -
modifier supprimer 38916 - Réponse de Jacqueline137 , 15 ans (USA) - 2020-12-07

Actually scratch the kangaroo part.

















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